pass the pigs

it was busy but a fun christmas.sarah came into town on friday.i think she took some pictures this of the weekend maybe i can steal some.saturday we had christmas on my dad's side.it was great to spend time with everyone.we did white elephant gifts..saylor also got a truck he can push and ride on and he loves it....then another lovely christmas party... christmas eve we did gifts with our mom as sarah had to work christmas day.worked out nicely so colin and i could spend christmas day at his parents house. saylor scored some sweet gifts at both places. we are excited about the nice toy chest he got so we have somewhere to put all his toys.he doesn't quite get opening gifts yet but he is truly excited to play with his new toys.-a few fun ones-the truck to ride, a horse to ride, a little piano,the little people barn. zapp's got us some finger puppets from ikea and i've been having just as much fun with those. in the end there were 3 unwrapped presents from us and i've considered returning/donating them.and considered not buying him anything for bday/christmas until he is older...or just buy him one gift or something.with his birthday being in december too he just raked it in this month.it was awesome because he honestly had very few toys.well anyhow he's so happy now and it's a great age as he's really starting to 'play' with toys.
on the 26th we had an all day christmas movie marathon with some friends.sat around in slippers eating cookies...the guys made a whole meal that was all orange[hopefully b. will post some pics]-highlight- found out heather e. is a ventriliquist,it's hilarious and i'm trying to learn how haha..
i got gift cards to places for clothes yippee! another favorite gift-i asked for all natural products of any kind.it turns out my second cousin has her own business-retails at whole foods,north market and the like. go here-
withnatureinmind.com
so my mom got us a basket of some of her products and they are wonderful i highly recommend them.i'm quite excited as she said she'd give us a discount on future purchases!!
last night was-insanely good homemade veggie sandwiches [baked baguette with provolone,fresh avocado,shaved carrot,cucumber,sprouts,tomato,lettuce,mustard delish],visiting friend from new york,two little guys in spiderman pjs,lovely friend in the beginning stages of labor [rooting for this weekend,before new years,tax returns!],and pass the pigs. and maybe i'm boring or easily amused but that is a perfect night for me.

christmas is sneaking up on me

i cannot believe christmas is in less than a week! how did that happen.we have been enjoying an obscene amount of parties i daresay i'm partied out. well...maybe 3 or 4 more, but after new years i'd like to hibernate for a few days.and whip my bum in shape! there's an equally obscene amount of cookies in our little humble abode and i've taken it on myself to eat them all [seeing as colin's too health conscious to endulge and they aren't really for saylor or munki either] so breakfast,lunch and dinner are rounded out with a cookie.or ARE a cookie. i cannot complain if i am tired or have a headache because i am not fueling my body correctly.alas, it is delish.
i started working at the w.starbucks and so far so good.i felt a little strange and out of place but am getting used to it. i love the manager's style though,it matches my ways of thinking and the partners there really love each other.and oh...half of the customers are vineyard peeps so that's fun.
i gave saylor cow's milk for the first time last night with no idea how he'd react and he CHUGGED it.i am unsure of what to do. he really only nurses one full time a day and maybe one or two other times for like 15seconds-1minute....i think he's ready to move on from it and for the most part so am i.he needs calcium,etc from another source so i guess whole milk is where i'm supposed to go....people are so opinionated about breastfeeding but in my mind it's simple-it's free and it's obviously the healthiest option.all the nutrients he needs perfect for him, not some man made powder in a can but a true god created miracle from a mother it's amazing.he's a year old now, people really begin to scoff at nursing at this age.this doesn't bother me [rather it makes me want to nurse him all the longer honestly] but he is weaning himself,he is simply not interested.i'm glad he likes the milk but i really think it's weird to give him [processed] milk from a cow as opposed to my milk made for him. i'm unsure of people drinking cow's milk in general...i'd like to learn more.i know my friend kristin knows alot so i need to ask her to help educate me.
enough milk chatter.
mooooo.

picture time!

my sister has graciously helped me put up some pictures of saylor she had,most from his birthday and a couple extras.yay! thank you sarah.


playing with a bell at grammys


colin's parents gave him a sled! so he sat in there while opening presents.he does look kinda strange here. he's inspecting his sesame street 'cd player'



oh boy so much going on


saylor loves,loves balls.he pushes/throws them then chases/crawls after them all the time,laughing away.


oh daddy what's this toy,i can't believe i have toys finally.


duck!


can never have enough ducks i guess


he didn't quite get how to open presents [yes the first birthday party is more the parent's amusement and joy than the child's] but he did his best.


thank you friends! i'm so excited! i'm 1!


saylor's cousin emily feeding saylor while friend katelynn helps


daddy looks funny but saylors smile is bliss


this is a random picture from thanksgiving weekend we were at a [random small desolate] mall for some reason but saylor was having a blast.i was throwing a basketball at him...ya,right at his head.

joga

our church has build this amazing community center and...i don't know as much as i should about it but it's pretty awesome. we found out there is yoga on wednesdays [free] and they call it joga. i suppose the J is for jesus.that aside,it was wonderful. katie and i went last wednesday and it was even better than i pictured.our meditation was directed to the Lord with a verse to reflect on while we practiced breathing.she read a passage at the end and we were quiet.and it was a great work out i was feeling it for 3 days.i really enjoy yoga. they've added a saturday class too.i hope to keep going and i've recruited some more people too.good stuff.
ok my son's dinner tonight is a confession.please tell me i'm not alone on this.we just got home, have no groceries, it's cold,it's dark and i thought surely we had enough to scrounge a meal...
-rice,peas and carrots-put in the blender as i haven't figured out the food processor and the texture was still too much for him to eat.so only a few bites of that.
-flaxseed waffle
-a few crackers
-a tomato slice
-some plain yogurt
-a bit of lite chocolate soy milk
-gingersnap cookie
it's true it sounds like a meal i would eat.random whateverness.fine for me but poor guy. i was leafing through everything looking for anything to feed him.he had yogurt for breakfast and those crackers and tomatoes for lunch too.oh well he was laughy and smily through it all,ol'chap.gotta get groceries...
saylor was SO good on the trip.happy during both drives [6-7hours] and wonderful at all the services/showings.he brought much needed smiles to a very sad situation. i am AMAZED truly at this boys adaptability and happy nature!! unbelievable.if he ever whines [for perhaps 2 seconds] i am concerned because it's so rare.it is nice because we cart him around to many places [and i'm sure that is partly why he is adaptable] and i don't have to worry about how he'll be.i don't want to put my foot in my mouth though because i'm sure things will change as he gets older and enters toddlerhood....! but for now we will enjoy.
ps i just came home was gone for almost three hours...munki mewed...i forgot she was snuggled in my dresser drawer and had shut her in before i left! still purring though ol'chap.

this week has been unexpectedly rough.colin's cousin died in a motorcycle accident on monday.he had just gotten back from iraq and his family had yet to see him.
alot of people we know have died in the past month...and i have known way too many people that have died young.it is always shocking and it shakes everyone up.we can only hope to learn and grow from it.my personal battle is anxiety, and the popular questions to God. the what ifs and the big WHY Lord?! for some it may be an excuse to lose faith in God but i only know how to cling to him and i only hope my faith grows in these times.this world is broken and painful.it is a temporary holding place. that's all i can think.this is not real.there is a perfect eternity....
after losing a close family friend last year to a motorcycle accident i adamently despise them and highly discourage them.colin's cousin and our friend both had helmets on, they both just lost control and did not hit anyone else.
we are still going to celebrate saylor's first birthday tomorrow.it is emotional-last year at this time he was still inside of me. tomorrow will be much reminiscing of 'last year at this time...' i cannot believe how it has gone by.i miss the newborn saylor but am so crazy in love with him now.. he amazes me everyday it's so exciting. [the newborn fix has to be cured by having more children!] everyone always talks about that feeling of love that is you can't explain and it is so very true.thinking of colin's aunt and uncle losing their son grips my heart in a tighter way now that i have my own son.
prayers for his family are appreciated!

every night

it's goes like this.brush teeth,pee,peek in on saylor,chapstick,water,in bed-snuggle. oh wait cat's in here.kick out cat, check thermostat, pee, peek in on saylor.in bed-snuggle.oh wait wana plug in monitor.plug in monitor, peek at saylor, pee, warm up rice sock while i'm up, in bed-snuggle.oh wait cat's in here. kick out cat, peek in on saylor, might as well try to pee again. chapstick.water.in bed-snuggle.
variations of this process happens nightly and again when i wake up in the middle of the night as i always do.
thursday we enjoyed the company of brett and heather-heather gave me a guitar lesson and i gave her a piano lesson. it was great.we both have the basic concept down and it helps that we know the one instrument...played some phase 10.
last night we enjoyed the company of stephen and amber.she gave me some clothes [yay!] and we took some awesome photobooth pictures that had us laughing so hard we're snorting and crying....played some phase 10.
my asthma is getting bad i'm pounding myself on the back alot and having colin use his drummer skills to pound on me too. i think i need to go get an inhaler. grrr.
i think these pictures were funnier last night but still.beautiful.

almost one?!

this is from thanksgiving at my dad's house.saylor's wearing grandpa's 'hat!'.
-saylor's signs-
hat
bye bye
so big
clapping
blow kisses
more
eat
all done
nurse
he can also play peekabo [he can hide his face]. he dances to any music and he also started putting his head down when he wants help doing a somersault.hat is definitly his favorite sign and he does it randomly but it's pretty awesome when he sees a hat and makes the sign.
other fun things-he loves pulling off his socks, throwing anything-especially food off his highchair. playing drums and piano, talking and imitating our sounds.... he recently has gone from being terrified of the vaccuum to highly intrigued. he follows the vaccuum now as i go and is fascinated.
he's not interested in walking but crawls crazy fast.
some 'no-no's' that he's constantly drawn to---trashcans, cat dish, plugs, colin's sword [haha yes], and the like. he still doesn't register 'NO' will just look at you then try to touch again. so it's strange trying to discipline but i know we need to be consistent.
we cannot believe how fast this year has gone.everyone says that but it is a strange feeling. at this rate i'm going to blink and saylor will be 20.it is the funnest bestest most awesome job there is and i love him more every single second. i can't [well i can and am] to have more.
oh saylor how mommy loves you!!!

abre los ojos

two things as of late that have opened my eyes a bit
i feel like i can't express things i strongly believe in,be it christianity or how good lost is :) the knowledge i've gathered gets jumbled in my head and all i have is this gut feeling and random passion and all i can say is 'it's important!' or 'i just feel that way' nothing substantial.so it's nice to have friends/books/movies/websites to refer people to.although most people don't follow through.because it's my conviction, not theirs and that's ok.but i do still feel naive and overwhelmed and that we all need to wake up! particularly as christians we have an obligation to serve people and work for the kingdom...i'm on a tangent.here's my latest learnings.

The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth
i should have read this book last year.this is challenging to me and my subsequent births will be different i know.it's a good book,it is not degrading or completely one sided which is always a red flag.

Wal-Mart:The High Cost of Low Price
worth watching.the filming isn't the best but it surely keeps your attention.it's ridiculous.

and this is a website that we go to often that is also a bit alarming
cosmeticdatabase
you can look up countless products that lists the ingredients and how potentially hazardous they are.there's no way to avoid this altogether and i don't think that's necessary,but i always say modify where you can.and it's worth it for us to adjust and buy differently when we can.
the cosmetic database is found through the environmental working group website.

good stuff.i cannot wait for my hubby to be home to...
snuggle
play phase 10/scrabble
his cooking
daddy/son time [saylor has learned to blow kisses and the signs 'all done' and 'eat' since colin's been gone]
go christmas shopping and christmas decorating our humble abode.
and more..por supuesto.

crappy thanksgiving?

trying to see the humor in it..but to be immature for a moment,if you will, i'll state a few things that have made this the worst thanksgiving i've ever had.--fortunately i always celebrate twice- so tomorrow i trek to my dads,where thanksgiving may redeem itself,we hope.

my husband is not here
my phone broke [still can talk/text though thank jesus]
my son is still sick,thus whiny and won't eat/nurse much which concerns [only] me.so waking up early crying.
my sister and her fam can't be here [will see her tomorrow though!]
awful fight with my mom
my brother is now sick,keeps throwing up [must have got it from saylor]
started my period-which is huge because i haven't had one in over 4 years. [unless i was on birth control i didn't have them.so when we started trying to have a baby we had no idea if it would be difficult.saylor was meant to be here!]--but this to say i've had horrible cramps,my whole body is aching.
and a migraine
have a funeral on saturday [great uncle]
my husband is not here [it's worth saying twice] oh and found out minutes ago that he'll be home two days later than we thought.
so anything else random happening [my button fell off my black jacket again may reduce me to tears,or laughter depending.did spend some time with colin's family which was nice.back at my mom's. she made a huge meal only 4 people ate [my mentally handicapped uncle is here too] bless her.it is quiet here and this is unusual.most thanksgivings we've had friends over.so it's pretty bummer.but we have to laugh about it. i don't idealize thanksgiving or get all worked up about it, but i was excited for saylor to experience it and colin to get to go to my dad's house as he hasn't been to it yet [they moved two hours away a couple years ago]. well boo! or bah, or whatever.
but truly i am thankful for so much and despite absent people and lots of puke i feel so blessed and maybe even more aware of things i am grateful for.which is awesome because that means the enemy loses again and JESUS reigns in my heart.

its a 24 hour job

at 3:45am saylor began throwing up.colin left yesterday [he always misses the best and the worst things...weddings/funerals.parties/puking] but i am staying at my parents for the week and since my brother's home now too i just slept in the same room as saylor.which was good i was there quickly to catch alot of puke over the next four hours.poor little man.after throwing up he'd be sad and clammy and of course i'd rock him then he'd sleep for 30minutes then it'd start all over again.learned my lesson not to put a new outfit on him and not to put new sheets/blankets on-just started laying a towel down.he has only thrown up one other time, at 5months-it was a ton but just once and he fell back asleep right away.so this was an adventure and i had many visions of doing this when he was 4..9..imagining puke on the floor,bed,hair-maybe with a baby crying during all that...it does not matter if mom's back hurts or if she had a rough day--it's a 24 hour job.[and we want 4...!] and i had mixed feelings of dread, pride.. anxiety and most of all love and compassion,because no matter how drained i was, i was still full of love and wanting to give and take care of my son.
i eventually just let him lay with me in bed,with a couple towels on me and the bed.and he snuggled as close as two people can get,forcing his body closer,pushing into me.and my heart was full.and God loves us like this,only more?! thank you lord.
so i got a grande coffee this morning as opposed to my usual tall. :)

keilbasa

colin and i went to carraba's on friday as we always try to have a date night before he leaves.we had to take saylor though but it turned our great-there were tons of litle kids and babies there! likely because we went at 5:30.saylor was wonderful and carraba's has the best caeser salad i've ever had. then stephen and colin convinced amber and i to all hang out.funny because the girls weren't in the mood and we openly admitted it.but they brought a decanter of wine and and we played phase 10 and it was the most slapstick random funny night.we were all four in a dumb-funny mood. stephen somehow beat us all at phase 10. since amber was having a girls only bday party on saturday stephen and colin kept talking about hanging out and having a 'sausage fest'. i of course took this literally and thought they were going to hang out and make sausage.
went to the snows with beth for the game.easy times,good times.colin wondered what to do that evening and i said 'i thought stephen was coming over and you guys were going to make sausage' to which he laughed and we all laughed and thought what a great story..amber's party was great.it was dessert and coffee and there were some delish-ness going on. [i brought the coffee of course and i had trader 'joe-joes' peppermint oreo type things that i covered in chocolate and was proud of myself,it taste great] so-talking to mary 'what's chad doing tonight?' no joke, he was MAKING SAUSAGE. how insanely random can you get?! he was grinding meat to make keilbasa, some family tradition or something or other.that made my week.


this is a picture of amber,not from the party last night but from halloween of course.i wasn't even there for this,but it just has to be one of my favorite pictures,ever.i love amber!

we can work it out

on wednesday i worked a total of 12 1/2hrs at starbucks.5am-1230 at my store and then i picked up a shift at colin's store.he was closing and one of my dreams is to work with colin at starbucks.well dream fufilled they needed a shift covered wednesday night so i worked 6pm-11pm.[saylor at rigsbys house where we then spent the night] colin was my boss,and we could have gotten out earlier except i've never worked evening at starbucks before,and i've never worked in a different store.it was a weird feeling but i quickly got used to the different environment and hopefully i can transfer to westerville soon.the managers at westerville keep telling me to come work there but i need to actually talk to my manager about it and i haven't fully decided/worked up the nerve.i've been with my store since it opened so im a little attached to at least the store itself and of course the customers.tho i know westerville like the back o'my hand since i'm there just about every day.hhhm.i want to keep this job though i love the discount! in the meantime my sister is saving lives at her job so...piddle paddle.
every weekend from now until christmas is booked.it's going to be crazy but it'll be fun too.
yesterday colin and i were bout to go to my parents for dinner and we both could not find our phones.at first it's just looking real quick as we're trying to leave, then it's funny cuz we can't find them, then it's frustrating, then it's like are you freaking kidding me where the heck are they.looking in the fridge, under bed, couch, bathroom closet...like seriously where are they. a good ten minutes go by.i'm throwing clothes and books everywhere looking.colin then finds his-in his back pocket. 'i normally have it in the other pocket!' and then he has to call me twice to locate the vibrate of my phone coming from saylor's dresser.the closed pajama drawer. i don't even know.but it was funny.

tuesday teething

saylor napped for over four hours yesterday! it was amazing but of course i kept peeking in on him from hours 2-4. which leads me to consider things i was formerly skeptical about.... because they always talk about babies sleeping more or being fussier while teething. for some reason i just didn't buy into that.babies will be fussy and their parents are like 'oh they're teething' it just seemed like something to say but wasn't really true.well i've changed my mind as mr.say's 4th tooth is coming in and he sleeps a ton each time.
more random things that i didn't really believe or realize fully.
1.the food aversions/cravings/nauseousness. so real, so overwhelming.
2.your feet may grow when you are pregnant.my mom said this happened to her and i didn't believe it.well shoes i have don't quite fit me anymore.i was a 8 1/2-9 and now i'm 9 1/2-TEN. TEN! that is embarassing..i'm only 5'4"! haha.
3.breastfeeding burns 'a bazillion' calories...you hear this everywhere but didn't really think it would make a significant difference.well i ate like crazy for the first six months after saylor was born [you are hungrier AFTER the baby is born noone tells you that!] and managed to lose 30 pounds when anyone else would have gained 30 with what i was eating and my activity level [zero]
4.even if you lose all the weight your body will look different.i'm 5-10 pounds more than my former self but i can see how my body is different-in many ways.but i'm slowly learning to embrace it.
5.colic--i heard many horror stories and i only have one child so far to base it on but after reading happiest baby on the block i am pretty sure i believe it doesn't have to exist.
6.you forget all the bad stuff about pregnancy/birth. i was pretty miserable pregnant and saylor's 9pound body did a number on mine... but i literally genuinely forget the pain and uncomfortable-ness and can't wait to do it again.
7.how fast it goes. that's almost cliche but it's freaking me out how fast it goes and he's not even a year. i guess cuz they change so much.
8.how hard breastfeeding is.i'm super-pro breastfeeding but it hurt so bad.for so long.in my mind it's still easier than making formula [and its free,and it's better for the baby.ok i'll stop] but i understand more why people stop.
9.thinking we didn't really need an exersaucer...oh my lord what would we have done without it.
10.that i didn't have a choice but to vaccinate and that it was necessary-there are options and we are not going to vaccinate any more.
and much more and i keep changing my mind and realizing things all the time.which causes me to wonder do we ever feel wise or mature? or just a sense of realization.. i see my parents who are entering their 50's still growing and learning....i think there will always be someone that i look up to and feel they have more life experience... i think as you get older though people sometimes respect your opinion less as 'times change' so their experience/ideas are nulled.just sometimes. there are some pretty awesome 80 year olds out there. i like visiting nursing homes and i keep wanting to go and take saylor.they'd love him.. although i guess i need to consider the health concerns. oh i forgot i have TB [dormant obviously but there]. ya i should be careful too. aw dang how can i get my old people fix?! :)
we are off to trader joe's.i'm making dinner tonight, it's true.i'm shooting for once a week.[colin usually cooks!]

i have a hard time picking a favorite anything but i'm pretty sure my favorite song,if i had to pick is joni mitchell- 'for free'. joni mitchell isn't a favorite artist but dang that song.every time i listen to it i cry.i could listen to it 5 times in a row [and i have] and i pull myself together only to begin crying again.
so i'm making a top ten.so far have five...
1.for free-joni mitchell
2. across the universe-the beatles and i really love rufus wainwrights' cover
3. it is well with my soul-favorite hymn for sure, best heard in a congregation, or by anyone who is worshipping.
4.the blower's daughter-damien rice-i walked down the aisle to this song
5.sleigh ride-amy grant- this may not make the eventual top ten but i did grow up hearing amy grant incessantly during the month of december so...it brings happy memories

the lyrics to 'it is well with my soul' always tear me up too, especially considering how the song came about--
[oh lord i pray for faith like this]

- Words by Horatio G. Spafford, 1873
The words to this hymn was written after two major traumas in Spafford's life. The first was the Great Chicago Fire of October 1871, which ruined him financially. Shortly after, while crossing the Atlantic, all four of Spafford's daughters died in a collision with another ship. Spafford's wife Anna survived and sent him the now famous telegram: "SAVED ALONE." Several weeks later, as Spafford's own ship passed near the spot where his daughters died, he was inspired to write these words.


When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blessed assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

amen!!!!!

yay starbucks red cups!

random picture time- i call this 'solemn corn face'


saylor and his cousin emily who was born 8 weeks before him.this was in july i think

pass the cheer the holidays are here.turns out colin will not be home for thanksgiving though. grrrr. gah.
last night we spent time with christina and seth and we played phase 10 and colin and i fell in love with it, i think i'm going to go buy it today.
yesterday i sold some beanie babies. i have about...150 or so.and my friend i were collecting them long before they became popular so i have some rare collectibles.i should have sold them at the height of the frenzy, i don't think their value will ever go back up.but there is actual sentiment attached to these stupid bean bag stuffed animals and i got a little emotional yesterday.i think it felt anticlimatic-i sold about 60 [at an ebay store that is currently accepting them for a beanie baby company] and only got $40. i will rummage through the rest later, maybe sell them to another place that is offering a bit more. and keep a few too of course. oh beanies.
this month seems to be going by quickly.

3 years and 11 months

monday colin and i celebrated 3 years of marriage! wow. his parents watched saylor and we went to the burgundy room, a tapas type place it was nice. we thought of last years anniversary as i was massively pregnant and how things have changed. [we went to smith and wollensky last year.i did not order an entree i just got this gigantic piece of chocolate cake it was amazing.] but i love my husband more everyday he is the most amazing man in the whole world i swear.
yesterday saylor laughed hysterically for an hour knocking a paper towel wad off the coffee table over and over. who needs [lead filled china made] toys?! haha.i will say i am trying to veer away from that and finding it very difficult.it's alarming what toys, bottles, bibs, etc are made of. also soaps,lotions, baby wipes etc etc..... i would like to be more educated [www.ewg.org is quite informative,and clicking on cosmetic database lists countless products and their risk based on their ingredients] i'm feeling strongly about things but i can't word it as i don't know enough.such as it is for me.
i worked this morning then spent some time with jayme which was awesome [i need more adjectives...], long overdue and not done enough but she will always be one of my bestest friends. we wrote this when we were 9 or so-
"and my heart thumpeth,when i think of us parting for the last time... SHALL we meet again!? oh.... woe is me" random but we've said it to each other 1000 times at least.
saylor is 11 months old today. sometimes i just have to bite him and squeeze him and lick him. will i want to do this when he is 14? when he is awkward going through puberty will i still want to squeeze and kiss his bum?! sorry honey just let me nibble on your toes... yummy.

pictures

i have taken close to 1000 pictures of saylor on my phone since he's been born [and about 300 videos].fortunately i've printed a bunch,and i finally managed to put some on a cd and save them to the computer.there are so many pictures that i love so i'll probably just post some on here randomly from time to time. also because i'm having a hard time posting recent pictures but i still want to put something on here! haha. i really need to figure out how to get my phone videos on here! grrr.


just hours old here...he was so beautiful.and i cannot beeeeelieve how fast it has gone already.i could stare at newborn pictures of him all day. i miss it and it makes me want another one right now!


little lip,little mohawk.little awesome-ness.



saylor loves to play drums,maybe every baby would do this but i like to think it's inherited.he now will hold both sticks and bang away on something.he also loves playing piano.


saylor and colin's dad- 'grandude' as he dubbed himself.two handsome men.



awesome smile! i think i've heard 'look at that smile!' from strangers seriously about 200 times since he's been born.he is the happiest baby..

100 things

it took some time, but i think everyone should do it.take a journey of self-discovery...don't feel obligated to read all of mine.

100 things about me

1. I won’t buy white underwear or socks, they have to be colors or black.
2. I want to shave my head just once.
3. I really want my next pet to be a hairless cat
4. I always make new year’s resolutions, and I actually stick to them.
5.I love to nap
6. Pee is grosser than poo to me. I enjoy talking about poop.
7. I drink water constantly, therefore I have to pee constantly
8. I’d rather be blazing hot than a little bit cold
9. I used to break out in hives all the time
10. I like to shake my foot or leg to get to sleep and while my friends were annoyed by it, colin doesn’t mind it at all.
11. I hated yams until one year I suddenly loved them.
12. My phone is always on and always next to me. I take it to the bathroom with me.
13. I had no reservations or anxiety having my first child, but I am finding myself nervous about having the next one.
14. My son just spilled a glass of water everywhere and I’m not doing anything about it.
15. I tend to under-react when things happen because I grew up around over-reacters and it made me tense.
16. I love to read autobiographies and memoirs
17. I cheated my way through high school and college.
18. I don’t feel like I have a sense of style, or an eye for anything.
19. I say ‘I don’t care’ even if I do because I’m a people pleaser and I want them to be happy more than I want myself to be. And I’m ok with that.
20. I love being a starbucks barista.
21. healthy/real food is important to me. On that same note, I LOVE food!
22. I like things clean and organized, but I am not good at keeping things that way. My husband is obsessively clean and organized.
23. My husband said he would not propose to me until I cleaned out my car. I think he gave up on that one.
24. I love crossword puzzles. I think it runs in the family.
25. I am terrified by spiders
26. My first real boyfriend is now my husband.
27. I saw all 3 Lord of the Rings in the theater and fell asleep each time. I have no clue what the movies are about. Ditto for star wars.
28. I cloth diaper part time but I feel self-conscious when using a disposable in public, as if people are judging me. Logically I know that’s ridiculous as most people use disposables.
29. Most of the ‘green’ things I do in my life are purely for economic, not ecological reasons. I am very frugal.
30. I sing aloud or in my head easily 15 songs a day.
31. But I do not own any cd’s or an ipod.
32. I’d much rather buy a dvd at best buy than a cd
33. I have chronic back pain, have seen multiple chiropractors and massages are my favorite thing ever.
34. I had a brief phase of stealing and I stole- I don’t want to say how much- clothes and makeup. I caaaannnot believe I did that looking back.
35. I had 5 wisdom teeth.
36. I am extremely NOT visual. I don’t even know what color my bedroom walls are.
37. And so I have no sense of direction, whatsoever.
38. I’ve dropped my phone 5 times today so far, once on my son’s head
39. I love, love worship music
40. I purposely went one whole year without cutting my hair, not even a trim.
41. I don’t care too much about my appearance, I actually care too little. I have to make an effort to care.
42. I love embarrassing and awkward moments!
43. I love words. a vocabulary desk calendar would be a great gift for me
44. I want so bad to be bilingual. Spanish or sign language in particular.
45. I can hear colin singing in the shower right now
46. I have a little lisp. Some people deny this, some people point it out.
47. I’ve never broken a bone or gotten stitches [ok, besides wisdom teeth/birth stitches]
48. milk kinda grosses me out.
49. I brush my teeth 4-6 times a day
50. I’m a hypochondriac for sure.
51. I’m also a car-hypochondriac, if you will.
52. I’m great at business calls, refuting charges, negotiating, etc. this is from working in collections for victoria’s secret I believe.
53. I wish I had an accent, or at least could fake an accent, but no.
54. I think people look best in their sweats.
55. I put baby powder on my flips flops before I wear them
56. I always have to think for a second ‘is it a peach or a pear? Peach, ya ok. No wait, it’s a pear’.
57. I’ve kept makeup in my purse for years, with the idea of maybe needing it, but I’m not a re-applyer, I’ve never re-applied!
58. I don’t really like milk chocolate but I love dark chocolate
59. My husband and I call each other peanut, all the time, we don’t even realize it.
60. I know all the words to Rent
61. I know all the words to the movie Noises Off
62. I need to read my bible more.
63. I’ve never done any kind of drug, or even smoked a cigarette.
64. peanut butter is one my favorite things in the world [all natural crunchy please]
65. I’ve journaled consistently since age 9.
66. I have a birthmark on my left thumb and I like it. It’s just a tan thumb.
67. I really love playing piano
68. I think my thoughts are so random and unique but then again I’m sure they’re not.
69. I am always feeling like I need to do more-for the kingdom and glory of God.
70. I will confront people or call them out on things if need be. It’ll nag me till I do.
71. The toilet paper has to go over the top of the roll!
72. I enjoy paying bills and all things number-related.
73. I will never say no to free food.
74. I have no qualms about wearing the same outfit 3, 4….5 days in a row.
75. I like having practical jokes played on me, so go for it.
76. My glasses always end up a little crooked from laying down and reading while wearing them.
77. I always try to come up with analogies and they are always terrible.
78. I have a bad habit of trying to finish people’s thoughts and it’s usually way off i.e ‘and I was just feeling so…’ and I interject ‘ya, depressed.’ And them, ‘no, overjoyed’
79. I have a weird fear of mine or anyone else’s ear being folded forward. Aagh!
80. I once ate two chipotle burritos in less than an hour. [competition]
81. I love magazines, could read them all day.
82. I’ll buy a purse, love it for 3 days then suddenly I hate it and have to get a new one.
83. I hate the flute, but I was good at it. Annoyed when I got first chair. Quit soon after.
84. I don’t like wearing glasses, but contacts drive me crazy too.
85. I have a…sensitive conscience. I’ll be singing along to a song then ‘these lyrics aren’t very appropriate…’ then I begin thinking of what the song is saying, then I think about Jesus and so on.
86. I don’t buy jewelry, and I very rarely wear it.
87. Most of my incessant doodles are words- block letters and cursive.
88. When I sit at the piano I always start playing ‘shine, jesus shine’ first.
89. I love shoveling snow, mowing lawns and raking leaves.
90. I’m a pessimist for sure but in a positive way.
91. I love random phrases ‘close but no cigar’ ‘we’ve got bigger fish to fry’ and will be cheesy and use them in my conversations.
92. I order a venti ice water from starbucks just about every day and always feel a little bad about all the cups I’m going through
93. Flying by myself is something I hate and love to do at the same time.
94. I constantly figure words out backward in my head when I see them.
95. I don’t like meat but have yet to cut it out completely
96. I have several friends that I’ve known since the day I was born.
97. I swore up and down for 10 years that I’d name my son Peanut Butter. Maybe next kid.
98. eventually I’d like a half sleeve of tattoos. and then some.
99. I have an associates degree in nutrition, maybe someday I’ll use it.
100. I love Jesus more than anything else in this little world.

happy halloween

i worked this morning 5am-745am-went home early because we had extra coverage.got home just as saylor was waking up so i enjoyed that.sometimes i do want to quit but i am still enjoying the free coffee and 30% discount too much.and i do like it,kinda wanna go to a different store-i keep saying this but it takes initiative to do that i tend to lack that.
saylor was an octopus tonight [costume borrowed from the lovely jenny].so cute! my mom and i went and surprised colin and work and also his family with mr.saylor octopus.then we went to a trick-or-treat thing that the police station puts on [my aunt,uncle and mom's best friend all work there] he was intrigued by everyone's costumes and definitly stuck his hand in bowls to grab candy,but of course still didn't understand.also he was tired.but it was fun.


there are better pictures but this is all i could upload at the moment.very tedious process as i don't have that plug thing that goes phone/camera to computer.i have to upload it to the verizon website,blah blah blah.handsome little man though!
i'd like to build a new wardrobe! [i really want to get together a clothing exchange!] my post baby body is different,and tho i am still working toward a toned-er body i really need winter clothes regardless.all i bought last winter was maternity.colin fetched my bag of winter clothes in storage and we shuddered and laughed at it.it was bad.half were at least 5 years old,two shirts i bought ages ago and never wore...some probably wouldn't fit [i miss my flat chest it's true].holes,stains...and i have the habit of buying things i sorta like cuz they're cheaper instead of investing a little more for a quality piece.and i'm missing some zest.SO would like to do some serious revamping [wish i could just go on what not to wear] and have someone watch saylor cuz...it's nearly impossible to shop for clothes with him.and someone go with me cuz if i'm alone i'm going to buy stuff thats boring and/or ugly.
as of now i'm still wearing the black jacket everyday.going strong.:)

time to read [i love parenthesis]

i'm just finishing 'she's come undone' which was painful to read.someone may let me borrow another book by the same author [wally lamb][which is a sweet name i think] and there's a couple others lying around but i am indeed on the lookout for some new reads.
today while under papa's watch saylor put a foil ball [munki's] in his mouth, and got his fingers stuck in the vcr.then with me he spilled a glass of water and best of all stuck his hands in the toilet water that definitly had some pee in it.awesome. as we approach 1 i keep thinking about from 1-2 it's just...babies-i mean the first year they change so rapidly and when they are 2 toilet training starts as does actual speaking and longer attention for playing with toys.and when you think about it,when one sees a baby that is say 15 months it's like ok ya baby.typical size you'd picture in your mind or something. not toddler,not infant-ya know? but still i know he's gonna grow and change so much in that year.then we'll just have to have some more.
worked out good today [i'm gonna say it was rich nathan spurring me on][it is fun to work out amongst my fellow vineyard folk] and then my mom made dinner.which is special as she does not cook very often anymore.tasty turkey tetrazini and again we made saylor laugh harder than he has ever laughed before.face red couldn't breathe crazy hysterical laughter. from tickling his chin. and shaking our head all crazy surprised when he would touch our face.babies are amazing [i always thought i would get bored playing silly games with him [as one often does baby-sitting anyhow] but i have so much fun playing with him and am in constant awe. aw i guess i still wanna just sit and read sometimes too but ya know. right now his playing is often just throwing things and touching things he shouldnt!]
we got a bunch of movies from el library this morning and brett and heath just dropped off some more for us so let the moviewatchingness begin!

eating a cinnamon scone

last night colin and i contemplated a date night but had no babysitter so we just took our little man with us to cafe istanbul at easton.god just decided to bless our little evening- saylor was awesome during dinner [ok,i know, when is he not awesome? he's never not awesome.] but there was an older couple seated very closely to us- and you always hope that you are near people who adore children and are not annoyed by them.and they loved saylor.he waved at them about every 30 seconds and they just kept waving back.they just had their first two grandchildren [just like when my sister and i had ours together] so we chatted some and the woman just loved watching saylor eat and play.and yummy food it was.i had said 'wouldnt it be great if he could just like fall asleep in the stroller then we could sit at barnes and noble?' we walk out of the restaurant and i lay his seat back and he immediately falls to sleep! we got coffee and sat at b&n for like two hours.before i got pregnant we would read at barnes and noble seriously like three times a week.all the time.and this is weird but when i got pregnant i hated it and didnt want to go there.i think the coffee smell was nauseating and the chairs became uncomfortable,i don't know it was weird.but in the past couple months i've been craving it and loving it again.even going alone and curling up on a little couch,coffee and book.it's the best.
spent some time with niki and her new little boy troy.i think holding a newborn releases chemicals in your body or something,just makes you feel so fuzzy and good. made me want another one for sure.also seeing devin just play on his own [he's almost 3] and troy just laying there sleeping i'm like ya,i can do this.someday.

munki is going crazy.yesterday she somehow got on top of the fridge and stayed there for awhile.she keeps perching on top of the tv too.colin and i are concerned and i thought maybe she should go to counseling then colin suggested soaking prayer at church.i agree, now we need to gently approach munki about it.
:)

still wearing the black jacket

beckett ripped off a button but i sewed it back on and i'm s'posed to 'lay flat to dry' which means i end up wearing it while it's still damp.
anyone else ever attempt the challenge of trying to take off a jacket while driving? even my trusty black jacket was difficult for me.it's hilarious.come winter with big bulky yet snug coats, and you get hot with the heat on and so the challenge begins.
i had lunch with a friend yesterday [first time one on one] and yep, had a big piece of food in my teeth.that thought had even occured to me, and i swished my water,apparently not good enough.it sucks but i think it's so funny too! i mean who cares.i'm comfortable enough with the person that it doesn't make me cringe too much :)
worked out tonight it was good so then we went to starbucks where i decided to get a cookie to counteract my workout. i am happy though as i've fallen in love with coffee again.my hate for it begin when i got pregnant [why does this taste so awful? i thought.it was because saylor was forming inside me.] sooo...almost 20months?! so strange.
saylor laughed the hardest he's ever laughed in his life tonight.he keeps laughing harder everyday so it's awesome.i'd stack blocks and he'd knock them down and i'd act all disappointed and mad and i'd throw some of the blocks and he was in hyyyssterics.he know's his first sign too! HAT. kinda random but we can put on a hat and he'll do the sign! [he has a sign language dvd that teaches signs,that's where he learned hat. he loves it. we are teaching him some as well of course]
i'm off to play my turn in my online scrabble game with jenny

where the heck did my body of christ go?

a couple awesome things happened at church today. well primarily- julia pickerell spoke this morning and it was fantastic. the holy spirit was on her, and the congregation was receiving it. go julia!
but so i was walking up the stairs to a seat, worship playing, getting in the grove, and i see my ob/gyn as i walk up. we smile at each other, hey nice to see you,yes you see me naked and WHOOP i totally trip and my flip flop flies off and done the stairs. which means i have to run down after it and pick it up. it was embarassing-therefore awesome! pretty funny. then we are standing with the naumans and we all notice the worshiping woman in front of us has her piece of communion cracker stuck on the back of her skirt. it was so funny. we didn't know whether to say anything...come time for communion she was going to be searching for her cracker,confused! so i swiftly carefully plucked it off and set it by her little juice without her noticing. good laughs.
somehow by random circumstances i got stranded alone at a panera with chipotle to eat. the whole happening of it all was annoying and i don't get annoyed very easily and i wasn't annoyed with any particular person, but i did decide i just need to keep a book with me at all times. i was just staring off into space eating chipotle. at panera.alone. ok yes saylor was with me. i really don't mind eating alone in the least, but i gotta have something to read or a computer! it was painful and i tried to embrace it, oh just savor the meal, savor your son.. no.didn't happen. haha. oh well.
last night was good though. heather's famous carrot cake, sigh! in talking and hanging out with people, i felt reaffirmed and encouraged....so ya that was good.
spent the night at my parents as we are dog-sitting. colin always sleeps on my left but for some reason in my parents bed he slept on my right. saylor randomly started crying at 530 and i startled awake and started fishing for my glasses on the nightstand that turned out to be colin, not a nightstand. but it took me way too long to figure that out and i kept pushing into him.and he was pushing me back away, both of us not even really awake. haha!

corn...pudding

i am so excited for thanksgiving food! colin does not like thanksgiving food and this is heartbreaking to me. last year i was massively pregnant and theoretically it'd be awesome but by that point my appetite was decreasing.no room for food i guess.i could only eat about one plate.just one! and my heartburn, oooh the heartburn.i've never had it not-pregnant so i actually kinda forget the horribleness of it right now.i just know i was throwing up from it, and taking 4 zantac a day. good times, i miss being pregnant! no really.
we played cornhole last night,3 games and i did not get a single flippin' cornbag on the freaking board.are you kidding me. i can blame the wind and my sore arms [from working out]..but it was so ridiculous. ya i can't blame the wind.i managed to get several actually in the HOLE but none on the board.what the flip.saylor slept in lucy's future crib.as long as there's a crib/packnplay, saylor will sleep.hence-all the places mr.saylor has slept as follows-
katie&aj [floor]
pflugs [floor]
jeff&carri [packnplay,crib]
christina [floor]
colin's parents [crib]
my parents [packnplay]
my kent parents [packnplay]
sisters [crib]
katie's sister emily [crib]
zappins [bed]
jessie&prestons [bed]
mitchesons [bed]
hoovie [packnplay]
snows [packnplay]
sandy&tony [floor]
harts [crib,packnplay]
brian&joleen [bed]
grahm and hill's tonight [packnplay]

AND MORE
nauman's [crib]
chad and mary's [packnplay]

and in his carrier as a newborn at the fanchers,evans, baxters, oatleys,bruscos,church,etc... all this to say- babies are flexible and i think if you want them to be easy going and malleable you have to treat them as such from the get-go.saylor from the start was happy and easily soothed [happiest baby on the block! a must read!!!] so maybe #2 won't be as easy i don't know. but he will stay asleep as we 'transfer' bed-car-bed and it does not disrupt his sleep in the slightest.he sleeps 12+hours straight and takes two 1-3 hour naps a day. everything changes all the time though as he grows so i don't know if it'll always be like this but it's pretty awesome that he's almost 11 months and still so content.
munki just threw up! and lately,this is weird-but she bats her water dish around like mad until it's empty and the kitchen floor is soaking.she's done this for the past 2 weeks or so, every time we fill her dish even just a little. we just keep putting towels on the floor.colin wants to duct tape the dish down! what's going on with her?!

my cat is a purring machine

i was hanging out with belt [i'm sorry but i quite often just call you belt in my mind,beth. you can explain it in your own blog] the other night. she just got her wisdom teeth taken out but still managed to look good. we were just laying around and then i somehow banged my knee on my nose.it hit a weird spot and i got a nosebleed! it was half scary and half funny. equal parts. no,it was more funny.
we don't have internet we just randomly pick it up here and there but i feel like we should just bite the bullet and get it. now, where did 'bite the bullet' come from? yes i would like that book that describes the origins of phrases for christmas please.
well colin has quit house of heroes, so that's...happened. been on our minds actually since the beginning of this year so in a sense a weight has been lifted. but there are emotional attachments, and there is bound to be awkwardness... poor colin's mind has been racing for awhile and he's just overwhelmed. fortunately cleaning/organizing is therapy for him, so i do benefit in this way. haha. no, we are good and feel at peace with whatever happens next.
walked through innis woods for awhile today with ber, after coffee with some friends too. how wonderfully pleasant. it was beautiful outside.

my man is home

yay colin's home.got home around 630am on monday.poor guy is still very tired.yesterday spent some time in dublin then a friend came over while i tried to organize the kitchen some.there was been miscommunication among friends i came to find out,and it's frustrating....don't feel like explaining it all but it stirred up a bit of anxiety/annoyance in me that i haven't felt in a long time. then relief to know that for the most part i don't have to deal with this in my life anymore.mostly being because i have wonderful friends who are uplifting, honest, trustworthy, fun....etc... the friends i have now--- i have never experienced friendship like this! i'm still actually trying to get used to it. i grew up surrounded by friends i had known since birth.and it's great and i will always love them but the downside to being that close to each other is you take one another for granted.and you have the freedom to be rude to each other.. i always embraced that in a weird way. because it is a sign of closeness..i still do appreciate it but i think we would agree we did not always respect each other like a good friend should.yet i still love that even though our lives are so different now,i would still feel comfortable to raid their fridge or take a shower with them.and i love that.the biggest most obvious thing though that helps build/deepen friendship is Jesus.it just even effects what we talk about or what we do on the weekend...so full circle, i am so blessed to have friends where there is little to no drama. also colin has taught me alot about letting things roll of my back. :)
going to colin's parents for dinner tonight,maybe workout.i go back to work next week and i'm not really looking forward to it as my store [the people] have changed so much.i really think i want to go to a different store i just gotta make it happen! but i am so stoked for...starbucks red cups!!!! it's so much part of the holidays for me!

i'm hungry

well wednesday night we played cornhole for over 3 hours.it was freezing and raining too.bring it! i'm ready for more,how can that be. watched ry thurs morning,timed perfectly with saylor's nap.then got ready and began my trip to indiana-and got a flat tire! oh my lord. i was so uneasy about this trip,was i somehow sensing something? i'm driving along [listening to the book unraveled on cd] and a car pulls up and frantically alerts me.i proceed to panic...i hyperventilated/cried a bit but overall i think i handled it ok.coulda been much worse.didn't get off an exit for at least another 5miles-then a gas station directed me to a big-o's tires.they were very nice.put on a new tire for me and saylor had fun throwing newspaper everywhere while we waited.bummed cuz i was gonna get there exactly when colin did but that put me 1/2hour behind.oh well.
saylor had fun with all the guys there and i put him in his stroller and he fell asleep while house of heroes was playing!! are you kidding me?! it was so loud. awesome! driving home with colin was fun we talked the whole way,so exhausted but worth it.
colin has just left again for 2more shows [grand rapids and chicago].yesterday we just hung out,it was great.picked up some bucadibeppo to go [so random i know] and watched children of men last night.oh and i had an asthma attack.crazy couldn't breathe.i haven't been living in the apartment since colin was gone so the air hasn't been circulated.but we need to vaccuum and dust more.i think it was dust mites,altho munki's making me pretty miserable too.i took claritin and it was still bad :(
oh and when saylor saw colin he got a huge smile,tilted his head into me shyly but then suddenly leaned over and stretched his arms toward his daddy.happy reunion.

i love cornhole.

this past weekend was busy but fun.sarah and aaron came.they are fun/funny and i can't wait for them to live here.saturday they went to a wedding and i was slated to watch emily for a couple hours.saylor and emily ended up sleeping the whole time i was 'on duty'! i thought it was funny as i was slightly apprehensive about having to have them both alone for awhile.not apprehensive..but daunting.daunt...ed? anyhow.
went to caiden's 2nd birthday party.it was great.he got a ton of great presents and actually was aware of it, and opening them and excited. saylor cried for about 2 seconds while i put him in a booster and at the same time two people said 'that's the first time i've seen him cry!' haha.played some serious cornhole with amber/jeff/hoovie. i LOVE cornhole! and shuffleboard for that matter. hopefully some of us are going to actually MAKE the cornhole like..board and beanbags. [guys do boards,gals do beanbags] haha but if that doesn't follow thru i'm going to have to buy it.we played for awhile but still want more soooo a tournament is in the works. jeff loves saylor so much, and he's so loving [very much like colin] so it's been good for saylor to have some...man-snuggles, if you will. jeff said 'i love saylor so much.seriously like he's my nephew... i'm his uncle jeff! and no one can take that from me' i said 'except my brother geoff' he still insisted, but i thought that was pretty funny,especially that he said 'no one can take that from me'. geoff loves saylor too though it's cute. emily and saylor have forced him to get used to babies. he'll actually pick them up and play with them :)
sunday morning was a ladies brunch.but i don't like the word 'ladies'.good food and i got saylor to nap at a perfect time so i could eat and relax.oooh food. breakfast foods are definitly my FAVE...orite.---i am blessed by the friends i/we have.it is amazing to know so many wonderful,loving,beautiful women.in turn i am so grateful for my church as this is how we found our community.
then emily's 1yr bday party.she did great! she also got tons of presents.sarah and aaron gave her a box of tissues as a present and she had fun pulling out and throwing all the tissues.beth came to enjoy the festivities,which was great because it actually was alot of aaron's family..so ya know.also because i miss her-so ya beth let's hang out asap.colin's home in a couple days.so doubledate?! it's on. emily was cute when we sang to her.and she shared her cake with sarah which was sweet.
didn't babysit monday but will tomorrow morning.did get to go to polaris with sarah s. and carri.actually bought a stuffed dog for saylor because he loved it! laughing at it so much.have spent the night with heather.[saylor is consistently sleeping 12hours straight now.yay!] we watched love actually and i love that movie! i've seen maybe 4 times but i must say i think it is a favorite.i love movies but can never think of a 'favorite' well there it is.
i'm going to indiana tomorrow to fetch colin! so i will see him in like 25 hours.AAAGHHH finally.
i'm so cold! fall is here!

what's the deal with my car?

my bad car luck is as follows.
FIRST CAR-1984 cadillac.was my grandfathers.smelled of mildew,particularly when running air condish.no clock.no radio. red leather interior.i once hit a car in the vineyard parking lot...and drove away! it was like a yellow mustang.[sorry god!] which led to duct tape on the front of the caddy.would randomly stop working while in traffic or something.finally died on me-middle of the night on 270,driving home from colin's.something about blew a piston rod through something?! pretty scary. SO glad i had a cell phone.

CAR TWO-1994 ford taurus.named him boris. he was a-ok! short lived though because colin's sister's SCHOOL BUS HIT IT and totaled it! i awoke to mark saying 'sorry to wake you but sam's school bus hit your car'. that was funny! the kid's on the bus missed a school assembly.

CAR THREE-2002 SATURN sl1.cranberry color.first experience getting a new car with the help of my family all around [my dad worked for GM so we got a discount.and even bought the car from my nephew's father] was loving it. a new car!
then i ran a blinking red light and hit [coincendentally] my friend cabot.watched the air bag pop out on him.hit a parking bench as well. totaled my saturn!

during all this i also hit a cement pole at the library, ran into a tree with my sister's car [poor little tree was no more],encouraged julie to run a yellow light-got in an accident and totaled her car.[though accident was not our fault] locked my keys in the car several times...

CAR FOUR-2002 SATURN sl1,champaign color.called him champy.this is it.good car.went into marriage with it but NO.breaks down and argue with saturn as it's just past warranty.get fixed.more problems come.transmission i think? goodyear [my trusty car place] tells me i should sell it to a dealership before they can detect the problem as the cost isn't worth it to fix.sell it to a starbucks customer's dealership.feel a tad bad.don't trust saturns anymore.

CAR FIVE-colin's 1996 [?] JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE.a bit clunky.radio stopped working unless you banged the car door with your leg repeatedly.no air.started driving it as our only car.then it gave up on us.invested 800$ into it before car place finally told us it was not worth fixing.we have a newborn and we are carless.

CAR SIX-grr.1995 HONDA ACCORD.bought from reputable guy.had to learn stick shift! [glad i learned but i hate it] IMMEDIATELY after buying it it dies on colin on 270 at 4:45am.guy grudgingly agrees to fix it.immediately after getting it back from him the driver window stops working,radio dies.air stops working.and then it breaks down again.have invested too much money in this poor old car.got a flat tire last week.

CAR SEVEN-1999 VOLKSWAGEN PASSAT-seems too good to be true.only 45k miles! reputable dealership,bought from my friend's husband. immediately after buying it it breaks down.friend's husband absorbs the cost amazingly as they should have detected the problem before selling it.but there are still problems.spend $200 on it. still problems.the car does not start-only after getting gas,and has a hard time starting in the morning.goodyear can not figure it out.we bought it in july and i have taken it to goodyear about 8-10 times.finally after researching they believe the purge valve something needs replaced. i picked it up this past friday.will know if it's fixed after i get gas.but i feel like it didn't want to start this morning!!!!

now i believe my friend julie has had even worse car luck involving more accidents and even being arrested for [unknowingly]not having insurance.haha! and another friend had her new car burst into flames on her. but then i have these friends who have driven the same random car for like 10 years, i don't get it! but i am bit car-hypochondriac and i never expect a car to work well for me.
i think it's hilarious.

word of mouth.this is what everybody's talking about.

i will wear this black jacket everyday for at least a year.is that ok? sweet.well i'm not going to chicago because colin has a canceled show! which means i'll be seeing him 1 week,15 hours or so :) for a day.then home for good monday the 16th.for the flipping love of god.at least we talk all the time on the phone.still can't wait for him to be HOME!
discovered the stupid gym charges for childcare! like 36$ a month! that's more than a membership to a nice gym! and this isn't even a nice gym! fortunately when i went with saylor monday i knew the girl working there,she didn't charge me.but now i can only work out if someone can watch saylor.that is a bummer because i was quite excited about the childcare there.grr! but that's just too dang expensive ridiculous silly.
watched ryleigh last night it was good. i do so enjoy the snows.
and today i am taking saylor for a free eye checkup! at amber's work they do free what's the word..checkup..visit..inspections? what is the word?! EXAMS! on babies 1yr and under.we've been talking about doing this since i got pregnant,haha.and i even forgot it was today until amber just now called me.whew.
ya that's right i'm excited for the office again tonight.saylor was born on a thursday and i made sure somebody taped the office for us.we weren't about to miss an episode just because we had a child! oooo man.i'm kidding.but we did do that.kristin's mom taped it for us.there i did the link thing! no it's ok if we missed the office. we could not miss LOST however. ha! did it again. k im gonna go crazy and add a pic too. cool. i'll keep learning and someday i'll have my own mac and then it's ON. you and me,internet.

taco

i love the word taco and when i'm doodling [which is often.always]i usually doodle the word taco. what the heck?!
little man actually slept 13hours [what the heck again!?] straight.colin's coming home to a different child.he grew a beard too, it's wild.
went to rigsby seniors last night, another delish dinner and katie came over. put saylor to bed at their house and katie and i walked and talked and it was good times.literally ran into brett and heather on the street so spent time with them too.i felt 'free' as it was nice to go out without saylor.
well rich nathan firmly believes your child's name should have a meaning.and colin's parents were having dinner with them and he said 'what's your grandson's name again?' judy told him and he scoffed and said 'well at least it's not mountain'. haha...i mean what? she defended us,but it is funny.but i do feel bad i want my pastor to like my kid's name! colin and i talked bout it and i totally agree it's awesome to proclaim that and pray over it and such but on another hand it's kinda like a horoscope [if you will] you can say 'oh yes i'm such an aquarious. im organized and i'm strong willed' blah blah it could apply to anyone. colin's name means strong. well sure he's strong. my name is from michael meaning 'one like god'. well...sure. i do believe in it tho. i wouldn't name my child satan or anything. and you do run into people who's name really FIT them.eh next kid.cameron means 'crooked nose'!
hung out with niki this morning she is being induced with baby boy #2 on friday.still hasn't settled on a name.i mentioned dominick tho and she had liked that before so maybe that'll be it! dominick means 'of the lord' there you go.
babysitting ryleigh tonight [instead of monday]

he sleeps some more! plus new black jacket

he did 12 hours again last night! the two nights in between were crying from 6-7a again but that's ok!
i got like 12 books at the library yesterday so that should tide me over till colin gets home.still 2 more weeks! i am thinking about going back to chicago with my sister [she is coming in friday] then staying through the week. colin's last show is in chicago.then we could drive home together.so we'll see.
last night in the middle of the night i was talking to colin half awake, stumbled to the bathroom then saw this huge nasty bug scurrying across the floor. AGH! i think it was one of those huge centipedy thingees but it was going so fast! i felt so vunerable. barefoot and all.no pants either.so i grab a shoe but then he was gone. EW! i was so grossed out i shut the door and stuffed a blanket on the ground between the floor and the door.didn't want the bug making his way to me.seriously hate bugs.well then i had a dream that no, it wasn't a creepy bug it was a frog! and i realized that and let him outside.i woke up feeling so much better but wait, was that a dream? no no i remember going downstairs and letting him out! that's so cool, how did a frog get in the house? and how odd that it was a clear frog.almost like a robot.oh well i feel better.back to sleep.dreamt it was a huge spider.woke up.realized it was not a frog all along.bummer.
colin's brother had a cool black jacket. i loved it,he told me he got it in the girls section at forever21.time went by.i love jackets.been 'needing' a new one.was at forever21 today contemplating two different black jackets for like 20minutes it was ridiculous.finally settled.walked out.felt satisfied.then realized its the same jacket jared has.found it very funny.

he sleeps!

last night saylor slept 12 hours straight!!! yay this is it,he did it.it feels like something we've been working toward ..since birth i guess and he finally did it.not to say he'll be doing it every night but we're getting there. wed-thurs he actually cried from 5:58am-6:58am i went in there to check once and then finally caved and nursed him back to sleep.naps are still only an hour each on average but oh well at least his mood is great and he's sleeping at night great.what a good boy.today he realized the joy of knocking down blocks i'd stack up high.and he didn't care if i was like 'good job!' but he laughed hysterically if i acted upset or sad when he knocked them down. hhhmm! ok now i'm feeling like i need a separate blog for saylor that's funny.i do have one i actually write-write in.hm.
spent some time with carri today.Lord please bless their family and put jeff where he should be Lord he is so willing and able.use him lord.
had chi-poat-ul.discovered there is such thing as too much sourcream.
amber told me a great story of a yellowjacket being in between her legs while she was driving [aagh!] which led to trying to convince her to make a blog as she has great stories.but alas.
i also drove to workout [put in contacts,changed to workout clothes,changed saylor] walk in and the childcare isn't open fridays.ah.contemplated driving to lifestyle as i have a free pass there still but the traffic was a bear.so no workout today now that feeling is no fun.taking the workout clothes back off.not even sweaty.haha.
i've been thinking that it's ridiculous that hospitals serve such crappy processed
food [when i was in school for nutrition i saw first hand the meals they serve]. and i want to do something about that.it needs to change.but how do i start?! i so want to do things.make a difference,even if just hanging out at a nursing home or whatever. but i can't just sit around and think about it.. I KNOW.i need to restart the H.O.P.E. club! my friends and i started it when we were...10 or so? stands for Helping Other People Endlessly.i was the treasurer.all we ever did was...write up rules, collect our change...and make t-shirts and walk in a local parade.haha! oh good times.kristin knows what i'm talking about.how do i make her name 'kristin' so it's a link to click on?!

still september

BODY THINGS:
-i 'spun' again tonight.a harder,slightly longer class.grr! i wussed out a bit mostly because i couldn't breathe,i don't like that feeling so i had to slow down a bit. i have asthma and it's never been a problem but...i don't want to make it a problem.
-i have so many mosquito bites it feels like i have chicken pox my gosh
-i'm craving some tattooooos
-i want to shave my head
-for the 1st time in years i have no earrings in my ears today and i'm realizing how i touch my ears to twist my earrings like a bazillion times a day.my lobes are lonely i need to go buy some more. i just like little dot earrings but i always buy cheap ones and they get 'old' fast.then i buy more. i should invest in some quality pairs.
anyhow.yesterday judy watched saylor for a little bit and i went to the bookstore and sunflower market.it was nice.then i had dinner with her and mark.after i put saylor down [at mi padres] heather and i worked out [go HAM!] this morning went to bug park [innis woods] with jenny and carri.it was so beautiful! the kids loved it.
colin sent a video on our phones talking to saylor [why hadn't we done this yet?!] oh my gosh.i haven't cried since he left till this.we watched it over and over and over and each time it started 'hi saylor! hi bigboy!' he would smile and get all excited. THEN when colin waved, saylor waved back! [everytime] that's when i lost it.and he just stared so intesnely,not moving, occasionally smiling and occasionally really looking sad.we watched it at least 20 times.my mom held him and made me watch him watching colin because..it's kinda amazing.realizing how aware he is.he knows that's his daddy! so then colin sent a 'nigh-nigh' video for saylor to watch before i put him down for bed.so we watched that over and over too.
ooh the office season premiere tomorrow!!

tooth!

saylor has a tooth! as spotted by carriane early this morning.yay! SO cute.
well sunday i spent some time with the pflugs.i brought in saylors booster seat to use for the 1st time.put it on the chair but did not strap it in. :( awful. he fell face forward to the ground.i did not see it-i heard it and stephen saw it.he was in pain and very scared but is ok.i am proud of how calm i remained! poor little guy.has a little bruise/scrape on his eye.sheesh then today he was playing in the kitchen then i put him in his sauce and gave him a couple goldfish.he was trying to put one in his mouth when i realized a magnent was in his mouth! it was a large magnent meaning he couldn't swallow it but oh my lord what if it wasn't! these are scary things but the little man is on the move and we need to be on guard.
went to jhouse,jeff lead worship [amazing].then spent the night at the andersons. carri made pumpkin pancakes this morning. although! heather/amber/michelle have formed H.A.M. respectively.to motivate us to get into shape by the new year so be it. HAM power.
jenny came over for a bit today.and then i babysat.good times.colin's calling me now. poor colin.he just wants to be home so bad.

bad brownies

well they couldn't find anything wrong with the passat.said maybe it just needs to be driven more to be cleaned out [its a 1999 with only 45k miles].so whaddya figure. hanging out with jenny was great as per usual.picnic to come i hope.saylor borrowed some aaawesome clothes from auggie! big blessing.he's a stud now.[well,even more studly]stud? i never say stud.now it sounds weird.
beth spent the night friday at the rigsby's-what do i call this amazing house? the house on riverview i don't know but it's luxorious.[plus walking to starbucks,bliss!]it's true you can't help but feel peaceful.saylor woke up at 645am happily staring out their huge windows then wouldn't really nap as it's quite bright.
i went home to make brownies.i can't even make brownies! the first batch was from a box and i forgot them in the oven.i've never done that! burnt to a crisp.anyway it only woulda made like 15brownies.next batch was from scratch.i only had ingredients to make the 'cake brownies'so i did but did not have ingred.for the frosting.they tasted fine but def.needed frosting. it tasted like cake completely,not brownie.i should have stopped there and picked up frosting on my way-oh ya these were for a party.but no i proceeded to [attempt to] make a frosting. it was gross. i tasted it and said yuck but then i spread it over the whole pan of cake. why?! i ruined a perfectly good cake brownie.i tasted the frosted cake brownie and nasty there was no way.it's still in my fridge cuz i hate the thought of just dumping it all out. but seriously it was so funny to me i was just laughing and laughing. also saylor and i danced to music for awhile and that was hysterical to him.good times. i picked up cookies at meijer-good cookies-but still i hate that! ah well.
party was great.met a mom of 3 with a daughter saylor's age.overheard her saying 'well she only woke up 3times last night so that's good' heard it out of context but still 'made me feel better' ha.but she was nice-has a homegroup that i'm totally interested in [read-childcare and in westerville] but it's mondays nights and i babysit then.saylor was handsome and so happy [lots of kids there] but he got so tired that i put him down at like 630 there. [in a crib] around 930 the miller clan needed the room so jeff jumped at the chance to get saylor and snuggle.we thought we'd see how he did if he woke up.i've never done that before as he was basically 'down for the night' people and kids were still there.saylor was a huge snuggle bug it was sooo cute.so people just held him and he snuggled all bleary eyed.i had to leave poor guy just wanted to sleep.it was a goodbye party for the miller's and i got a little emotional when i left.they are going to africa for 5 years. i will miss them!
i could easily type all day i have to refrain myself.
best news of THE YEAR[4me]-someone has made an offer on my sister's HOUSE! i want to cry they've been trying to sell it for over a year.they moved to chicago last year and have been paying too much for their little apartment there while still paying too much for a house in SC that they don't live in.it's been very hard on them plus they want to move to columbus but the timing on that was dependent on when this flippin house would sell.stupid market.so much goes into that-the emotional and financial strain...so trying not to get too excited, praying it all works out.AGH!

i spun

i did a spinning class with erin yesterday.this is my second time doing it and i was sure it'd be harder especially since i worked out my legs the day before.but it was great.i tried to pace myself but i think it was better because i knew how it was going to go,ya know.still wanted to pass out 15 minutes into it but you push through and it's awesome.legs felt like jelly afterward but i appreciated the cardio part of it even more.i hate cardio in general, i don't like feeling out of breath.but it is good for the body.and yes, the instructor was oh, 6months pregnant! flippin-a.which means she was preg.when i went last time, no one had any idea.ya.she's a great instructor. very motivating and challenging.
finally took in the passat [for the 4th time.whhhhyyy] i had a dream it was $352. only problem it's having is it doesn't start after getting gas! so odd. i wish i knew cars. also taxes i want to understand and do taxes. for real.
going to hang out with jenny mae today.yay! then going on vacay to the rigsby senior's abode for the weekend.

work it out

i worked out today.gettin' back in the swing o'things! more importantly though yesterday i ate my first apple in...oh,year and a half! odder still because i used to eat one eeeevery single stinkin day.occasionally twice. a couple weeks ago i forced a whole banana down to.same situation! [will my tastes change when i am done nursing!?] but i must eat more fruits and vegs. i manage to eat veggies but i need to eat more variety.
the past two days i've been researching [like mad] vaccinations.and we are pretty decided that we will no longer be vaccinating saylor.my brain is full of so much right now and i don't want to write it all [as i've printed out masses of info anyhow] but this is just where we are at right now. but i feel so strongly that i feel the need to tell all my friends to not give their child the MMR vaccine.yes, autism has spurred on my interest.i've been reading [researching?] on autism for maybe 4 years now...it's a scary epidemic.they are saying even 1 in 70 boys. one in 70!!! Lord be with us. i've been feeling anxious off and on but making this decision has brought relief and peace.
visited beth ayer at lincolns and today she came over for a bit. i appreciate this so much as the days are lonely without mr.col.she [you] is lovely and i love her friendship.i love thinking about how long i've known my friends.because i have several friends i've known forever [23 years] so it's fun that some other friends are reaching [almost!] to the decade mark. i treasure this.
i literally was conciously confident thinking 'ya saylor only wakes up once now.that's cool.soon it'll be solid...'and no he decided to wake up 4 times last night.haha.hopefully that's the fluke now tho.and it was all between 530-730am so. that's good.

missing my man

colin left today and he will be gone an entire month.that is too long a stretch. grr. he complained about it to his manager but of course that went nowhere. we'd both be in better spirits about it if it was going to bring home some bacon, but it barely is.so we are both very sad but holding on to knowing it's not going to keep being like this.we will just have to see what happens. but he can't keep doing this.
i've been missing the internet.our free wifi has disappeared and we've been quite busy. this weekend was chock full of people. friday we had his surprise party and it turned out just great.i mean really.he was blessed. saturday was another birthday party [saylor slept at yet another friend's house.good boy it's amazing.list to come]
and sunday he had a show.the highlight of that was seeing a huge picture of colin on the radiou van. funny.i guess he was on a billboard too but we never saw it! wish i had. it was great though colin's parents watched saylor. he was awesome for them. drank 6oz of my milk from a bottle [he never does that] played,ate and slept great. i'm feeling better about leaving him with people as he gets older.which is a free-er feeling.i feel like 'myself' again [not to say i'm not myself when i'm in mother mode] but it's nice to be out and have my eyes and ears focused on one thing at a time.ha.
today saylor did 'so big!' [arms up in air] for the first time.i think two weeks ago he began waving and then last week he started clapping.it's so cute he will do all three at once, he is so proud of himself.twice while nursing today he began waving it was funny.he's been sleeping really great just waking up once about 1-2 hours before he's up for the day [so either like 630 or 730].if i do nurse him then it is only for about 5min or so.i'm very excited that he's been sleeping 10-11 hours straight.now if we can just let go of this last waking.i don't beleive he's ready to be up for the day as he's still very tired and wanting to sleep.
it was nice to spend time with close friends this weekend and i am going to try to keep myself busy this month. i've made a list of things to do so that'll help.
i'm wearing a shirt i got at platos for like 80cents. it says shell on it.it's the gas station shell but i like it cuz people call me shell.it works.
word.