Friday, May 29, 2009
i'm an extrovert that prefers to be home! if something's going on i want to be a part of it, but at the same time i'm longing for my bed. and i really prefer smaller groups, although there's definitely times where a big party is in order. i feel like i still have one foot hanging out in the not-yet-parents group. we are fortunate to have grandparents that take saylor often, and friends that welcome saylor anytime we need to bring him... but there are times and there are people who are definitely more free and i think it's only natural to look at them a little wistfully. our cali trip worked out reeeeally well but of course it would have been easier without a toddler in tow. and of course i recalled all too fondly those days without the responsibility of a child. it so much mirrors a relationship with Christ though. i honestly don't have much responsibility. i don't work a typical job, i don't have a bunch of commitments to people... i'm actually feeling the weight of commitment as we've started this new small group. i almost want to resist but i know responsibility, commitment, hard work- this brings about good character and builds faith. and i'm due for some of this. my nature is to be lazy. i don't have the drive that some people do, honestly. and while i know the lord works in all things- so my hangout lunch with a friend can have an impact in the kingdom, my snuggling with saylor is building him up... i know god isn't gonna let me off the hook so easily! i think we are always called to dig deeper, DO more...things that are out of our 'comfort zone' absolutely yes! ... all these thoughts and you know what- having children- while again is great, has given me an 'out'. a way to easily turn down commitments, keep us out of small group, even keep us from going to church every week. so. i'm ready to do and learn some more, lord. actually i'm scared to say that and kinda want to retract it.... but i'll keep giving it to him, and in the meantime here we are wanting baby number 2. pregnancy/newborn stages... they definitely take you out of the loop socially. my prayer is lord, use me more, beyond my home and my friends- i want to serve you.