theme songs for my babes

this was the song for saylor when i was pregnant [changing 'girl' to 'one' and 'her' to 'him' of course].. just found myself singing it often.. all you do is imagine that baby when you are pregnant for the first time! it was so fitting for us.



and this is the song for this pregnancy.. too perfect. we've had some cloudy days lately but she is our sunshine... and she's due in may :)

optimist thinking

i tend to be a pessimist, and i often play devil's advocate which means lots of debating and disagreeing for the sake of good conversation. but i'm noticing i am only thinking positively about labor and having a newborn. it has to be some sort of self-protective thing/wishful thinking. i think, oh yes this labor is going to be much easier. saylor was only 9 hours and i was [unnecessarily] induced, and he was 9 lbs. this one will go much quicker! then i picture a newborn, i know she will cry, i know i will cry with frustration and feel helpless and overwhelmed but there is still this glossy bliss painted over it and it's because it's not reality yet.. you can't fully understand it until it's in front of you i think. i remember saylor as a newborn and my journal tells of the tough times, but memories fortunately don't hold onto the intense emotions of it all. it's hazy. i do however still believe that the 2nd child will be easier than the first, in some ways at least.. hoping. saylor was so easy, plus i was one of the first to have a kid and so i think that helped- me not being influenced by everyone's opinions and stories. but really he was so easy the first year. praying baby girl is just as chill....
random thoughts
it's snowing outside and i like it.
played yahtzee for.. i think the first time last night and i'm a dork/in love. that game is like..made for me. yes i shall be playing it by myself, while eating ice cream, in bed. oh yes.
we have settled on our baby name, i am only slightly bothered that there is a celebrity association with it. ok it reaaally bothers me. we aren't telling people, but have told a couple strangers to see what people think. so far most people don't realize the connection but one woman said to colin 'oh yah that's so-and so__'... i don't want to hear that constantly! although i know as years go on it won't be that way. i hope. and i get with saylor a lot- 'what's his name?' 'saylor' 'taylor?' 'no Saylor.' 'oooooh'...this name we've picked is exactly what we want/like in a name... so unless something else presents itself... still thinking, still thinking...
saylor LOVES letters [and numbers/time-obsessed with clocks]... knows all the upper and lowercase, knows the letters in sign language, and how to spell several words [saylor, up, go, stop, cat and a couple others].. he is always drawing and typing on his leapfrog game or on my computer. he will write random letters and ask what it spells. this morning he spelled ASS and asked me what it said. awesome.
i am ready to be consistent in blogging again and wanting to revamp and wishing i could have someone redesign it for me. i also tried to change my account to have me be under my new gmail email but it won't let me.. why!?

waitin' on baby girl

beginning my third trimester, 27 weeks. last week i turned 26 and was 26 weeks pregnant. doctor told me yesterday i was measuring half a week small, not that that means anything except makes me excited since saylor was so big :) i'm hoping for a smaller baby, for delivery's sake, though it is fun having a big baby! gotta love the baby chunk. we will have to see!
there was a 5 week period or so where i was enjoying pregnancy, don't think i ever even had that with saylor-felt so miserable all the time with him. now that i'm in the final stretch though it's getting a little uncomfortable again. heartburn/nausea are attacking and just feeling less mobile and you know... like a beached whale. i know it's only gonna get worse- it's bearable now but i know 5 weeks from now...sigh! i do so love feeling her move around though, that is the BEST part of pregnancy. and the smiles and the anticipation. SO many of our friends are pregnant right now! it's been fun.
i went barn dancing the other night! i mean... so weird and fun! what a different community. yes there were some...characters there. and it's slightly awkward cuz you basically have to dance with everyone, like hold their hands and everything and it's fast and difficult i was seriously sweating. it's intense! me and another pregnant friend had to sit out every other dance. but oh my gosh what a silly experience. there were also some really sweet people there and it was just so funny to see that world... i still gotta teach colin the moves, he was out of town so he missed it. though... i totally think he'd get into it.
the same adventurous friend who got us into that is having a roller skating birthday party but i'm not sure i could do that at 7 months pregnant...

silly cell phone picture doesn't do it justice. should have gotten video of us actually dancing. good times, good times.

sleeping

things are really rough right now, but we are thankful for the lord's love and guidance and we trust that we are following him...but still our hearts ache. but i don't feel like writing about that. i was realizing how neurotic i am when it comes to sleeping... well ok when it comes to a lot of things, but my sleep routines are so odd and OH how i love sleep. all these things have accumulated over the years and here is what my nights look like now....
fan has to be on low, baby monitor has to be on so i can hear it, but not too loud. constantly adjusting the volume. cover the monitor with a black sock because it glares light and i need it as dark as possible in the room. i always, of course, pee/brush teeth... then a few more minutes of reading or whatever, then i pee again and peek in on saylor. though if i get caught up in the book/movie for more than 5 minutes i have to pee/peek in on saylor again... sometimes this will happen 3 or 4 times... feels OCD. finally going to sleep i start on my right side, then flip to my left... if i can't fall asleep it goes again.. right side [snuggle with colin] then back to left... here's where it gets weird- i can't hear or feel my heartbeat. so if my arm is across my chest and i feel it i'll have to move. even weirder- i can hear it pulse in the ear on the pillow sometimes. so i'll have to scoot my head off the pillow so my ear isn't on it so i won't hear the heartbeat. the side up ear i'm also neurotic with. i can't have it exposed to air so i have to have a blanket cover it, or at least my hair. i also have to have something touching my mouth- usually a blanket. currently i am literally snuggling with our sheet- it's balled up and i hold it to my mouth when i sleep. yet my nose needs to be completely free of anything close to it so i can breathe easily. on top of that i have chronic neck/back pain. the neck is always an issue at night, i'm still looking for a decent pillow. so there's constant folding of the pillow, adding blanket and moving around to make my neck semi-comfortable. once i finally am still i find i start itching, so annoying/crazy. so then i'm itching all over and trying to ignore that. and now of course, being pregnant i've got the belly... i usually would sleep on my stomach and now i've got to side angle it...
i also have to have on my nightstand- tissues, chapstick, water and an earplug. if i wake up to someone getting ready and can't fall back asleep i put an earplug in the 'side up' ear.
in addition- my hands can't touch my face at all, i wake up at least in the middle of the night to pee, i have to bobby pin my bangs off my face, i'd rather be cold than hot [only when sleeping that is], and i often shake my foot or leg to relax...
and i'm sure there's more. it's just so funny because i love to sleep and i do all this without even thinking, the only thing that's frustrating is trying to make my neck comfortable.
i'm sure i'm not unique though and i know everyone has their own sleep routines... so funny...
poor colin putting up with my getting up to pee all the time then tossing and turning....my only hope is that with age i'll care less instead of getting more particular!

happy new year!

2010!!! so weird. so people born in 1992 will be 18 this year. aaa-whaaa?
i am almost 20 weeks preg and feeling good. she moves around a lot, i'm looking forward to being able to feel her on the outside of my belly! i think i felt her kick with my hand yesterday...prolly a couple more weeks..
saylor is in a BED! we did it after colin came home from his christmas tour, about a week before christmas... saylor was nervous, and yes i cried. he loved his crib so there was that part of me that was like 'why do this?! we should let him stay in there as long as he wants.' but the other part knew this is part of growing up and spreading your wings a little. our son is quite cautious and sensitive, so things like this will usually take encouraging and a bit of gentle pushing.. so the first night we started bedtime around 6:45 and talked it up and took our time... around 7:20 i began trying to convince him and he kept saying it was scary. so finally i just said 'i will hold you and you tell me when you're ready'.. so we stopped talking and just snuggled in the dark and finally at 7:45 he was ready and he curled up in his little butt-in-the-air ball and i walked out and was nervous all night.. he's never one to wake up in the middle of the night... but i didn't know if he'd wake up at 6am crying or something...we have a video monitor so i of course woke up around 7:50 and stared at it... he finally woke up and just started reading a book, as per usual... and so it has been ever since! when we walk in there he hops out, but he has not tried to get out on his own...yet. everyone tells me 'oh my child was like that too...at first' it seems most kids finally realize 'hey, i can get outta here on my own'.. selfish part of me is not looking forward to that, on the other hand we need to potty train him during bedtime so that will require at some point him getting out of bed to go to the bathroom...
anyway good to know he's doing great. so even when things are hard for child and parent... it's good to push through, you then realize it's not as hard as you imagined.
christmas was fun, he now knows the concept of gifts and talks about santa and sang christmas songs all month... tried to incorporate jesus into there too, of course. but he was great and it's heart melting and sweet and fun to give your child something and have them be so overwhelmed and excited and thankful..and this is for like.. a slinky from the target dollar bin..ha :) all the grandparents got him great gifts that are keeping him happy and busy these days.
we had an interesting new year. there's this art collective group thing called wild goose creative- they have this space and host things like cooking classes, art swaps, improv nights... fun stuff. so for the new year they had some performers [including our buddy john reuben] and our friends had some art on display.. i was excited to go and bummed that i was disappointed. the art was great and my favorite thing was that most of our friends were there...however it was SO loud. am i an old lady? perhaps. SO loud, no chairs! at all! and only bathroom was a port potty outside. there were a couple other pregnant mama's there and they managed ok so i don't wanna complain.. but i definitely sat on a cooler for awhile. and asked colin if we could leave at like 10:30 [and it started at 9]... we held out till midnight, and i'm glad, just because we got to 'ring it in' with our close friends... i was just bummed i was surrounded by such great people and any sort of talking required yelling..so no one could really talk. decided that i do enjoy concerts and dancing.. but not for new years... i think i prefer dinner and good face time with my loved ones!! anyway here's a couple pictures

should have stood to the side and held my belly so you could see it better :) me and our roommate alicia. loves.

our friend christen is an illustrator and she made this crazy squid painting for photos.. naturally! loved it...

saylor is 3!

today i am 16 weeks pregnant with our baby girl, and saylor is 3!! how wonderful. i am finally feeling better for a couple months i was pretty miserable but the nausea only comes now if i really need to eat. my food aversions aren't nearly as bad as they were with saylor so that's great. and my son is great! he is so sensitive and soft-hearted i can't wait to see his love for his sister. i am way behind on this blog and i do plan to catch up! but i wanted to throw that quick update up there as we are celebrating today. yay!
3 years ago today [in about 2 hours] i delivered this beautiful, huge baby with an amazing black mohawk... our big cheeked unbelievably perfect baby... yummy! thank you lord.

a few things i love about my son these days

he says sofee for soft, i LOVE it
he loves old disney movies- lady and the tramp, fantasia, bambi...
he tells/reminds me to put both hands on the wheel when i'm driving. [how he learned that's right to do i don't know. but it's funny]
he loves to 'turn the wheel' himself. could play in the car for hours.
he loves to sleep and play in his crib- he doesn't cry in the morning he wakes up laughing and talking...and will do so until i get him
he loves letters. he learned all his letters before he was two. and now he's learning rhyming, spelling and how do sign the alphabet. he practices a lot. the other day i was driving and he goes 'mommy what letter is this?' i look and see he's holding up his middle finger... not so much a letter buddy!
he loves to paint/draw...and is usually painting/drawing letters.
he loves to jump and fall and bang into things.. but otherwise is SO cautious. takes him awhile to warm up to things and while it's sometimes difficult i also think it's endearing; and it will be interesting to see how he grows. it's very similar to how i was and ties in to being quite sensitive.
he always asks/tells me to smile. and asks 'are you happy mommy?' - part of the sensitivity. if my voice quivers slightly-even if i'm being silly he gets upset 'mommy sad?! no mommy happy!'
he loves, loves to read
he enjoys getting his nails clipped, always sits patiently and even wants to learn to do it on his own
he has always held his peepee down when he goes potty.. sounds silly but i love it, i never had to do it or tell him to, he just always does. if you have a toddler boy you may understand this.
he sticks out his tongue when he knows i'm taking a picture, it's his way of smiling
he loves to clean- sweep, dust, whatever. if something spills he will clean it.
he loves to snuggle and he gives many spontaneous hugs and kisses.
spontaneous hug

reading in the car wearing the awesome headband craft he made in sunday school

always reading in bed

loves to play guitar and drums

colin with some fluffy hair

my boy