Monday, August 2, 2010

2.5 kids

clover is going to be 11 weeks this week so i know i don't need to make a decision today. however, i keep thinking and wondering and trying to decide...should we have 3 kids? when she first arrived, it was so easy i was laughing and totally ready to have the 3rd. and now i'm unsure again. our plan is to just wait and see how strong the urge gets :) i know the feeling- your baby is 2, a toddler and you start to ache for a newborn..

i always wanted 4, scaled back to 3, NEVER wanted 2.
2 seems lonely to me, and also it's what 'everyone else' is doing and i tend to go against the flow :)
i'm still young, there's 'time' to have a 3rd.
another child to 'bounce off' of saylor and clover so they have more than just each other
a potential sister for clover [or brother for saylor], i want to give that to them.
able to give birth one more time!
able to be pregnant/feel a baby move inside me one more time
i love, love, love babies
3 feels more like a family in my mind, and i don't want to someday regret not having a 3rd just because i was too selfish or something
the idea of only 2 kids genuinely makes me a little sad

have to be pregnant again [bluuuuurg]
have to raise a toddler again [exhausting to me]
would have to get a bigger car
harder to get a babysitter/harder to have parents watch all of them
house situation? i like our house, like having a housemate.. 3 kids would be harder for anyone to live with us, plus 3 kids sharing one room??
i like that we are still young and it's very appealing to think of being done having kids. i still feel 'free' and connected to the world.. i like the idea of say and clo growing up and 'hanging out' with us...going to shows and such
can travel easier with 2- take one with us, leave the other one. leave both with family.. or even taking both- easier than adding a 3rd child for sure.
we have 2 great kids, scary to toss the dice again... like the idea of being able to invest and connect more with them 2 and not frazzle/wear myself out.
the idea of 3 kids is exhausting and i feel like it will cement me as a 'mom' and i may 'lose myself'...

basically 2 and a half kids would be perfect. :) it all depends on what colin's doing, what we are feeling in the next couple years. i don't mind waiting a while and then just having one more although i was always saying 3 before 30... but i dunno! 2 sounds lovely.. i still kinda want 3... i'm thinking about this too much i need to somehow block it from my mind for a good year and a half or so!

chubby arms and smiles



meridith said...

i've always been so sure i wanted two but after experiencing childbirth and this newborn craziness one sounds more and more appealing to me. :)

Kristin said...

Saying this in all love--- your cons list appears to me to be based on fear and anxiety. Don't let those hold you back!! Besides all that, you and Colin make the most beautiful babies-- you should have at least 30.

Maggie the Librarian said...

Meridith: I promise you it will get better! When I was in your stage, I NEVER thought I would say I wanted more kids, but here I am...

Michelle: All I'm saying is that 3 carseats CAN fit in the back of a sedan. I did it in NYC w/Rosalie & my friend's 2 kids just last week! :)

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