makin' it work

places clover has been so far, at 7 months:

cincinnati/ikea, michigain, seattle, boise, denver, akron..

movie theater, 4th of july fireworks, camp sychar, trick or treat, cosi, columbus zoo, safe auto commercial, two house of heroes shows..

all parents houses, sister's houses, aunts house, uncles houses, grahams,fanchers, pflugs, andersons, wojniaks, evans, baxters, siglers, nelsons, zappins, dearths,longs, scherers, snows, arcades, elys and more.. and how many restaurants and stores and more?! about 10 different starbucks locations :)

i'm proud of my attitude of just taking her with me and making it work! i've done the same with saylor and so far i think saylor was a bit easier although clover is overall not difficult at all. i wonder..which came first- the high maintenance baby or the stressed out parents? i don't know much i only have two fairly easy kids. but i have seen cranky irritable babes and parents who just shrug it off and keep going about their activity... it's hard but we as parents have a choice in our response to difficult situations. do not underestimate the need for sleep and food. i'm so mean when i haven't eaten! and the need for sleep that parents and children need is a whole other post.. but anyhow i work REALLY hard at maintaining my sense of self and remaining calm and casual in my parenting. not to say i haven't had meltdowns, i can't do this help me i hate this, yelling/crying/sighing moments... those who know me have seen it :) BUT i KNOW this is normal, mothering is THE HARDEST JOB in this world.. and i am going to fail my children.. but i'm not going to wallow in shame and regret about these moments cuz that will only make it worse. there are times when i take clover out i will admittedly alternate between SWEET see i'm making this work! and holy crap i'm never doing this again uuuugghhh. but in the end i'm always glad i did it and my memories are always of the fun we had, you quickly forget/let go of the difficult parts [kinda like remembering labor as awesome even though it's the worst pain in the world].. yes when i'm able i gladly leave my kids with someone else so we can go out, but i will also not rule out something because i have a baby... i roll with the punches, realize it will be more challenging but choose to accept that and have fun anyway. i wish i was journaling her experiences more, i plan to be more consistent this year!

baby wearing and sleeping:

siiiiiiiiick+dedication

i've had all these random thoughts i've thought about writing about but sickness has consumed me for the last week. this is pitiful! everyday i'd wake up with a new attack. it went as follows-thursday: hmmm headache, this feels a little weird. friday: sore throat... ruh roh. friday night: high fever and throwing up, that was good times. saturday: glands swollen to the size of watermelons, sunday: ears started hurting and clogged up, monday: nose started running crap, tuesday: left eye got swollen and gunky infected, wednesday: right eye got it, thursday: uncontrollable painful cough, friday: crazy jaw pain [from sinus pressure/fluid i'm assuming]. bear in mind as each new thing came, the other symptoms did not subside of course. they all just keep building on top of one another. i mean this is ridiculous. of course we've all been sick a million times but for me this one really tore me down. with two kids and the holidays and the intensity and continuous attack.. it's been a DOOZY. oy with the poodles already! thank god colin's home. my prayer is please jesus don't let anyone else get it...

so much going on even while i'm sick. on sunday clover was dedicated and our good photographer friend nick took a few pictures for us. first of all HER DRESS look at clover's outfit. it's amazing. a present from colin's mom, it's the nicest thing she will own until her wedding dress. and i love it love it love it. this dress IS clover don't you think? let's admire it, shall we. second, i am sick as can be here. we were on sunday in my plague of sickness so at least it was before the eye infections.

i LOVE our pastor, i LOVE our church. i need to write about our church. so good.

i love clover's expressions in the pictures! note her hands on our pastor jeff's hands and her looking up at him. she was into it :) and as you may be able to tell, she still loves sucking that bottom lip of hers. my sweet petunia!

hello holidays!

didn't mean to go so long without writing. i kept planning on it then my computer finally died! but today is a beautiful day, my new mac arrived. i love him. or her... wait let me see...i feel like it's a she! anyhow i'm very thankful for it, we got dust hev's employee discount and i bought apple gift cards on ebay to save even more money [like getting a $100 for $90.. totally recommend doing this when you have a big purchase! i saved another $50 this way].

things are good, colin is officially touring again and that lapse of time doesn't even seem real already... there is SO much that could be said about that whole period of course..but alas.. we've hashed and rehashed and explained and thought it all to pieces so i think we are done. in a nutshell [and my nutshells are other people's long stories :)] i think god genuinely had a purpose in the whole season-that is so evident..we were seeking him and he has been doing lots of greats things...it was so great and fun to have him home but it felt like living an alternate universe. we did get used to it though and so it was strange going back but it took approx 30 seconds for it all to feel like ol' hat again.[so much i could write on what the word 'ALL' encompasses!] from my end i never even wanted him to step down so i really feel great about where we are at now. not to say it's easy... and so much i could expand on that :) but.. in all, we love our hoh family and it feels good to be back.

aaand that's all i'm going to write for now, however now that i've got a computer again i shall be writing more. and posting pictures..lots of fun holiday things coming up.. i love thanksgiving and christmas [and saylor's birthday in between]...

i'll leave you with these nuggets

i nursed on the floor in the christmas aisle at target today [black friday craziness mind you].. nobody seemed to notice or care, actually had one pregnant woman cheer me on..

saw a license plate today that said JK LOLZ.. and i thought to myself lol, omg! byob. sigh. kwim?!

i just ate pie in bed with colin and had about 5 brownies today...mmm and tomorrow's another thanksgiving for us, woohoo.

saylor quotes:

he says this ALL the time- 'today means today and right now means right now!' we still haven't figured it out..

'so mom, let's talk about chimneys'

and what is he thankful for? 'real guns and real light sabers'. nice...for his birthday he wants a pretend vacuum and a hot air balloon. and a 'real' light saber. such a hysterical age, seriously! it's amazing.

i love scarves.

sleeeeeep

**this post is about children and sleeping and it mostly for my record/memory.. may not be interesting to anyone except perhaps another mama :)**

i'm just so tired all the time! but such is this season i suppose. i just miss sleep. clover was doing great 6-8 hr stretches but in the last month she started sleeping 4-6 hrs then waking up every 1-2 hrs after that. no crying and i'd only have to nurse for a few minutes back to sleep but i was starting to go crazy. [aka burning eyes exhaustion, easily annoyed, no energy to do anything.. therefore not really being a good mama [or wife or friend]] i tried slowly cutting back [nursing less minutes every few minutes] and i tried not nursing and just rocking but it wasn't really working, it was kinda getting worse and i wanted to attack it before it got even worse/her solid routine. and i was going crazy. so i decided to let her cry it out- she was a good 'candidate' for it as she can and does fall asleep on her own just fine, had slept 8-9 hour stretches before and she wasn't a stubborn screamer anyhow. [if crying in the car she will stop after a few minutes after realizing her situation isn't changing.. :)] and although she's still young i think that's actually better- she's less aware/expecting me and can't like stand up or anything. definitely wasn't as hard to hear her cry, being my second child and remembering letting saylor whine and seeing him all smily as can be the next morning. she cried off an on every couple hours, there were a few minutes of sad oh shoot i can only handle one more minute of this crying- but then she'd stop and i'd be glad i didn't give in and nurse-never lasted more than 10 minutes, i stared at the time each time. she is still in our room, and i would go over and rub her belly and whisper to her although i think that could potentially make her more upset so i didn't do it too much. and YES she woke up in the morning happy, beaming at me and chatting away. second night she did better, mostly just kinda whined and fussed. third night she slept a 10 hr stretch, from 7-5! nursed then slept until 745...and last night was the 4th night, ended up nursing her at 1245, 430 and 6... oy..still figuring it out because i'm not opposed to nursing her once or twice at night, as she is still young.. i think once a night around 4 would work well for her so hopefully we will fall into this pattern soon. saylor also keeps waking up to pee in the middle of the night and usually wakes around 7 [though he will be quiet and let me sleep which is nice] but yah, as of now i'm still waking up at least what, 4 times a night, never mind my random mind won't stop running so that keeps me up too.. aaahh. next step is having saylor to go to the bathroom by himself and getting her in his room [they will be sharing a room]. but on the plus side saylor is now done with paci's!! he is almost 4 and we anticipated it being a difficult ordeal but it could not have been easier. we 'mailed' his paci's to kids that needed them, got him a build a bear that he named cham and he never even cried about it. awesome.

and besides her sleep snags, she is the happiest most chill little chickadee. she has a bald spot and is still not really rolling over, she loves to laugh and i'm trying to savor her babyness. i'm quite in love with her, i'm still in awe that we have a daughter- i remember the ultrasound at 14weeks and them saying she was a girl... and oh how i wanted a girl!! what a feeling...

excited for fall.. although where did all my winter clothes go? i know last year i was pregnant but what heck did i wear in 2008?! i have like 1 long sleeve shirt and 3 sweaters that i don't like. this seems to happen every season.. part of this is my bad habit of buying quantity over quality.. still trying to learn to invest in quality pieces that will last a long time versus my forever21 trips that yah.. last for a season...ah well. i enjoy my thriftiness but i still need some key pieces... [jeans/winter coat/boots/sweater] our friends should do another clothing swap...hmm..my mind is wandering...

i am grateful for parents who watch our kids a lot and my husband who gives me lots of freedom, but currently a book and bed sounds more appealing than anything else... sigh!

us

me and my hubs, taken by our friend nick-shutterthink.com

top ten?

i'll get these deep thoughts and think oooh i should blog about that... then my kid will hit a milestone and i'm like gotta write that down.. and then something funny happens and i think i need to blog that to remember it! aaaaaand then i don't.
so... here are my top ten favorite things in the world. besides the obvious, jesus/family/friends
1. MASSAGE.
i have always said this. and i said whoever married me needed to know, as in we should put it in the vows.. that i will want/need to be massaged all the time. sometimes i need intense deep tissue rubs to help my always hurting back.. but i even like getting my hair washed when i get a hair cut, i like all of it.. i like back scratches.. i like massages on my head, face, feet, hands... i love it all... so you know.. if i'm ever sitting on the floor in front of you.. i will fall in love with you if you rub me..[though i'll never ask, cuz.. the people pleasing thing, i don't like to ask people to do things for me [except of course i'll ask colin all the time. ALL THE TIME]] most of my friends know this..
2. PEOPLE
ok i said besides people.. but people as a whole.. i soak them up.... with the way people think, with their life stories, with how different we are, with how we are all the same.. i could read friends and strangers blogs all day, every day and never tire of it.. i am deeply moved by personal stories on stupid reality shows, i want to look through your family photo albums, i only read memoirs/autobiographies, i love weddings, i will go to your family reunion, i love awkwardness, i love hearing different points of views, memories..i am thinking about you and everyone else more than you can possibly imagine. and i work really hard to not judge people but to better understand them and love them regardless. i don't have a crazy passion/talent like my husband does.. but you could say i'm passionate about PEOPLE. i want to learn how to love you all the way you need to be loved, and i want to help people.
3. SLEEP
i love sleep, i LOVE dreams... i LOVE LOVE LOVE pillows and blankets, they almost deserve a spot in my top 10.
4.FOOD
ok obvious things, sleep...food.. no but seriously. I LOVE FOOD. everyone knows this. and good food, i do not eat crap. why waste space on gross nasty food when there is so much AMAZING FOOD in this world!? i love to eat. all the time.
5. PUPPETS
deep deep love for puppets. i don't get excited/gushy very easily..but a good puppet makes me wanna laugh and cry at the same time.. within this, i love animals that act like people-cartoon or real life, animals dressed like people... and sesame street
6. TIME & LETTERS
schedules, numbers, appointments, day planner, i memorize numbers too easily, i say i'll be home in 14 minutes and i'm exactly right, i love keep track of people's schedules, i love taking care of money.. and i love words! crossword puzzles!!!!! scrabble. spelling. weird words, definitions.. languages! i love sign language. i love spanish. i love writing. i love reading.
7. EMBARRASSING MOMENTS
i LOVE awkwardness and i LOVE LOVE embarassing stories. let's sit around all day and tell the most awkward things that have happened to us. this is LIFE! i mean..it's awesome. we have all had some horribly embarrassing things happen to us! we all need to laugh about it.. oh my gosh i love it. i look forward to encounters that i know will be awkward... like i seriously love embarrassing moments! bring it!
8. WORKING/BUCKING THE SYSTEM
i like realizing that we don't need to conform to ideas/rules/life as it is presented to us. we obviously lead life different in many ways.. it's two fold- i thoroughly enjoy disputing a bill/asking for more out of a company and within that is my insistence to be ME and live life my own unique way and don't try to force me otherwise.. and whether that's searching for months for the best deal and then working to get it at an even better price,wearing the same outfit for a week because i want to, not hanging up till they take the charges off my bill because i refuse to accept otherwise, naming my children names that no one else has, living the artistic/self-employed/pursuing the dreams life, getting into conspiracy theories.. all encompassing right?! i'm not trying to stand out, i just ended up this way and i'm enjoying it. this buck the system mentality was unhealthy at some points in my life though, such as when i used to skip class and cheat in school and shoplift all the time. ahem ahem.
9 MY PHONE
my cell phone. i'm so thankful. only thing i don't like is that i'm sure radiation or whatever emits from it and likely isn't healthy in that respect but otherwise.... it's awesome. i mean hello, 75% of colin and i's relationship has formed/grown over our phones. and we are so used to it we never really go more than a few hours without at least a 'how's it going' text.. and shoooooot i'm in love with my iphone. i am a little worried about the reception when traveling, we shall see..
10. THE INTERNET
again, the electric waves/radiation or whatever- read this article, that explains what i mean.. but that aside.. the internet is amazing, let's not forget this! i don't want to be too consumed by it, i don't want me or my children to be addicted to it.. but if we are modest and respectful to it.. it is incredible and informative and awesome and funny and helpful... and connecting. i love that i can connect with people so easily through it. :)

clover at 12 weeks

clover at 12 weeks:
**wakes up twice a night. for awhile she just woke once, but now she's waking twice again- she goes to bed between 730-830, wakes up around 1-3 and then around 4-6 and up for the day between 730-830. she has NOT ONCE CRIED at night. and she has not once been wide awake in the middle of the night! too incredible. she wakes cuz she's moving around [breaking an arm out of the miracle blanket] she grunts and roots, i feed her for a good 10 minutes and she's back to sleep.
**she's still in the packnplay next to us and i can't even picture how it's going to work when she shares a room with saylor. i will wait until she's waking up only once or not at all and probably until she's not swaddled anymore... bedtime will be easier than naps. mainly because this girl does not nap! she just takes many 10-40 minute naps throughout the day.. part of me feels like i need to start 'training' her to sleep, but most of me isn't worried about it for now. i didn't take notice of saylor's sleep patterns until he was 5 months or so- i don't think there really was a pattern until then.
**her favorite place in the world is the swing. loves loves loves it. sleeps in there, hangs out awake and watches us.. happy as a clam for hours. i keep putting her in there at the start of her bedtime but i don't want her dependent on the swing for sleep so i've been decreasing the setting so it moves slower and slower. ha! baby steps...
**she is 12 pounds, looking chunky yet petite at the same time. still not fitting in most of her 3mo outfits! she eats like a bird, polite and passive, as compared to saylors horse eating crazy chomping. rarely spits up but has still managed to spit up on like 3 people and i go 'oh my gosh she never spits up!' and they say 'you keep saying that but...'
**last week at 11 weeks and one day she laughed for the first time while we were viisiting our friend meredith [who just had baby marlo!] so of course all we've been doing since is trying to get the girl to laugh. she is very quick with a smile now and will give a huge dimply smile to anyone who says hi to her.
**so laid back, will let anyone hold her [of course at this age]. we can keep her in church and she'll just sit on our laps lookin' around though i don't expect that to last much longer, she's been cooing/talking more and more.
**our friend erin made us these little lovey blankets with tags on them, i put one in her lap all the time and she loves them. grabs them, clings to them, holds them to her faces and sucks all over them. she works so hard to get ahold of it and put it in her mouth! so cute.
**yesterday we really noticed she was trying really hard to reach out to touch a toy. their whole body moves around when they are working on something [smiling, talking, etc] it's so cute! her left arm seems to have more control than her right and that's the one she's trying to touch things with so i'm saying she's gonna be left handed :)
we got iphones! long overdue but it was hard to leave verizon.. my one concern is the reception at&t has, especially if colin starts traveling again. we know lots of guys who have had issues with that... argh. but we got the new ones so we have face2face so that will be fun to use. and i'm so in love with it it's crazy. i feel like i'm carrying around my mac! it's too cool.... i mean, i'm playing games of scrabble right now with friends on my phone. SOLD! haha. i'm very excited about having better quality pictures and storage of pictures and video.. still figuring it out but it's fun. not sure why this video is showing such a small screen... but yah, that's a little bit of her honky laugh.

on another note our community of friends and church have been hit with some intense pain and sadness as of late. it's been surreal.. brokenness and spiritual attack, cancer and sickness, parents sick and dying, marriages hurting and the like. everyone is working hard to love and give and help in what ways we can, but many things aren't fixable or controllable. we have to walk it out and it hurts. prayers are appreciated for my friends. thank you.



i swear saylor gets more attractive every day


she loves to lift those legs up! working on rolling over soon