hello holidays!

didn't mean to go so long without writing. i kept planning on it then my computer finally died! but today is a beautiful day, my new mac arrived. i love him. or her... wait let me see...i feel like it's a she! anyhow i'm very thankful for it, we got dust hev's employee discount and i bought apple gift cards on ebay to save even more money [like getting a $100 for $90.. totally recommend doing this when you have a big purchase! i saved another $50 this way].

things are good, colin is officially touring again and that lapse of time doesn't even seem real already... there is SO much that could be said about that whole period of course..but alas.. we've hashed and rehashed and explained and thought it all to pieces so i think we are done. in a nutshell [and my nutshells are other people's long stories :)] i think god genuinely had a purpose in the whole season-that is so evident..we were seeking him and he has been doing lots of greats things...it was so great and fun to have him home but it felt like living an alternate universe. we did get used to it though and so it was strange going back but it took approx 30 seconds for it all to feel like ol' hat again.[so much i could write on what the word 'ALL' encompasses!] from my end i never even wanted him to step down so i really feel great about where we are at now. not to say it's easy... and so much i could expand on that :) but.. in all, we love our hoh family and it feels good to be back.

aaand that's all i'm going to write for now, however now that i've got a computer again i shall be writing more. and posting pictures..lots of fun holiday things coming up.. i love thanksgiving and christmas [and saylor's birthday in between]...

i'll leave you with these nuggets

i nursed on the floor in the christmas aisle at target today [black friday craziness mind you].. nobody seemed to notice or care, actually had one pregnant woman cheer me on..

saw a license plate today that said JK LOLZ.. and i thought to myself lol, omg! byob. sigh. kwim?!

i just ate pie in bed with colin and had about 5 brownies today...mmm and tomorrow's another thanksgiving for us, woohoo.

saylor quotes:

he says this ALL the time- 'today means today and right now means right now!' we still haven't figured it out..

'so mom, let's talk about chimneys'

and what is he thankful for? 'real guns and real light sabers'. nice...for his birthday he wants a pretend vacuum and a hot air balloon. and a 'real' light saber. such a hysterical age, seriously! it's amazing.

i love scarves.

awkward nursing 101

went out to an awesome dinner last friday night. it was for one of my best friend's parents 30th anniversary and it was basically a bunch of people who have known me since the day i was born. which is neat, all the 'older people' passed around clover the whole night- and that's surreal because they held me when i was her age. i hope to hold jayme's granddaughter one day...anyway she was 7 weeks and when saylor was 7 weeks old i remember attending a wedding with him and we left because he started fussing. it was definitely overwhelming. this time around? i'm not fazed or overwhelmed. [it does help that clover is insanely easygoing though]. so i'm not overwhelmed but that's not to say things are never awkward. you gotta just go with the flow, laugh things off and be prepared to get creative and/or make do with what your situation is. and enjoy the awkwardness. that's my best advice i can offer as a parent. remain nonchalant when your child has a huge meltdown and you have to leave a store, laugh when they poop all over you and expect them to dump a box of crackers in the car. they will throw up on their car seat, break something in someone else's house, scream and cry through an entire 30 minute car ride, pee on you.. [these are just the baby years, what do we have coming when they are teenagers? i hope i can still laugh then...]
so we are having a great time, saylor's home sleeping and pooping on our new couch with my brother [another story for another day] but of course at some point clover needed to eat. so before our food came i decided to feed her. did not even occur to me until that moment that this was easier said than done. A- i'm wearing a dress that is nearly impossible to nurse her in. easiest way would be to lift my dress up.. couldn't really attempt either way while sitting at our table there... B- tiny bathroom. small sink, basically standing room only and then two stalls with doors to the floor so you don't even know if someone's in there. didn't really want to nurse on the toilet and have people repeatedly knocking or trying to come in. C-our car? no dice, it was far, far away in a parking garage. whatever, i'm cas, i'm not fazed. a family friend was walking around with her outside of the restaurant- there was a huge fountain and a bridge and such, very pretty. so i walk way out to him and get her and only then realized what i took with me. my cardigan, my phone, and my keys. what the heck my keys!? why michelle, why.and my tiny little cardigan, not her nice sized blanket that would cover me. no, a tiny little cardigan. i proceed to try to find a secluded area to nurse. there are people all around, i end up climbing over this flower bench thing and sitting on a wet picnic table. pretty sure the guy lounging behind me saw my boobs a few times... and the fun time i had trying to get access to them... i had a huge chunky/in the way necklace on, i was sweating and may have ripped my dress trying to-get access. all this while trying to remain semi covered with my tiny little cardigan. i also continued to text my friend updating her on the awkwardness that was occuring. it helps that i love awkward/embarrassing situations but it was good times. the whole night was so fun. we stayed out late and then yah, we came home to a smelly couch and spent an hour trying to fix that [success. and then clover slept a 9 hour stretch! from all that partying] just gotta roll with the flow and know that your kids will always throw you for a loop.
ps this may seem like having children or breastfeeding is stressful or too difficult. i give you my promise they are both SO entirely 1000% worth it. and then some.

one week

last wednesday at this exact minute we were praying my contractions would start to kick in....now here i sit with a boppy and little clover belle curled around me. i swear, i swear, she laughed this morning in her sleep. her smile is awesome and cheesy and huge and dimples.
our first week home has gone great, don't want to speak too soon but i think it's easier having your second child. we weren't anxious/nervous with saylor but it was still new and the schedule/lifestyle/taking care of a person was overwhelming and a huge change. this time it feels much easier/smoother. she's great, she hasn't even cried yet really, except the occasional 5-10 second squack. i don't think that's a word but.. maybe it should be. people say to nurse jaundice babies a ton but this is easier said than done because jaundice will often make them very sleepy. she nurses for 2-4 minutes and is completely passed out. her second night home i had to wake her to feed her. this has led to some painful engorgement [though otherwise her latch is great and it doesn't hurt to nurse yay] and she and i are in the habit of often nursing every hour just so she gets something, i am going to have to work on getting to her stay on longer and space the hours out.. but regardless i know she's getting enough and saylor was never a long nurser either. 8-10 mins was a solid time for him.
we took her to doc monday as recommended plus we all could see she was still pretty yellow. they tested her bilirubin again and it had gone up again to 12.2 [when we left it was 11]. 12.2 is in the low risk category but they wanted to check her again today to make sure it's remaining stable and sure enough she is ok. it is 10.6 today. doctor said no more testing her, girl's gone through enough! well ok in a couple weeks they will do a complete blood count one more time to make sure it's all working and flushed out or whatever and check her anemia as she's a little anemic right now. then it will be done.
it's been amazing having colin here and taking time off work. he's been taking care of saylor all day and i'm usually upstairs with clover, although i'm trying to get in face time with saylor too. hopefully i will heal soon [TMI warning: on a pain scale of 1-10.. when i pee... it's easily a 10... i'm like banging the walls and yelling sometimes. there's some small cuts/tears i think... it's like a knife tearing through me every time i pee, it's torture. i have to use the peri bottle 2-3 full bottles worth every time i go and that still doesn't ease it. i'm also using lavender oil, tea tree oil, ice, dermoplast, ibuprofen, warm baths...then after i go it's like.. a knife wound and it takes awhile to walk and find a way to sit down that isn't extremely painful. oh joy! it sucks.. and i'm a person that usually pees like twice an hour... so...yah] anyway colin will go fully back to work on monday and i'm trying to prep myself and am anticipating it to be hard. i haven't had any huge meltdowns yet. i cried for a few minutes in the hospital about being sad that it wasn't me and saylor anymore. and monday our doctor appt was frustrating and we did too much and i hadn't eaten all day and was in pain so i cried some then but otherwise i've been feeling pretty good. but i'm sure in the next few months as clover becomes more awake/particular and as i have to take care of both of them all day... aaaahhh! can't think ahead just have to take it one day at a time!
we've had plenty of visitors and meals have started and we are enjoying this honeymoon/newness period...
saylor today-'does the joker have a penis? what color is it?'
and he also made up a game called 'shark pad' you put a bunch of grass and mulch on the slide and then go down the slide. shark pad!