i am SO pregnant

38 and a half weeks pregnant with baby girl = heartburn, constant braxton hicks, paaaain down there, can't breathe, can't sleep, feet hurt, nothing to wear... etc, etc...
however. i am suddenly patient. [unless we hit june, then i'll be annoyed that i haven't had her. before june, little one, pleeease!] this whole pregnancy i've been quite impatient, staring at my planner, counting the weeks... and now we are in the sweet anticipating time.. and so i'm really trying to savor my time with my son, and enjoy being pregnant. ok the only enjoyable part is feeling her move around. i do love that. and just the general buzz of everyone around us excited and waiting... tim's sister was due the same day as me and she had her girl on sunday! i am doing everything i can to get her to come but time will tell...i want to say i enjoy the not knowing when feeling... i kinda do. and i kinda hate it at the same time. as much as i want to be a free spirit, casual person... i'm not! i'm totally a scheduler type. so i'm trying to be like 'this is fun, it could happen anytime!' but i'll suddenly get caught off guard and feel like 'oh crap this could happen anytime!' hard to explain. and i constantly am trying to get my ducks in a row but there seems to be about 1000 ducks and they keep wandering away or new ones appear. i need to chill and realize it's ok if we get curtains or clean the fridge AFTER she comes. the emotions are just hard to handle. excitement, nervousness, joy, fear, overwhelmed, peace, anxiety, anticipation...i am constantly feeling all of these and the roller coaster of those makes me wonder how do some women handle being pregnant so much? maybe it gets easier or you just get used to it. maybe they feel more peace and elation versus anxiety. but then the physical part? how does michelle duggar function being pregnant all the time!?!? i'm exhausted!
ah yes so this is all that is going on with me at the moment. can't sleep cuz i'm so uncomfortable yes, but also because my mind won't stop going. but i laugh when people who complain about being tired when pregnant... cuz it's a whole new lack of sleeping overwhelming mental exhaustion when the baby comes!
my son has been awesome. he is a huge snuggler and i love it 'give me a squeeze mommy.' 'lay your head on me mommy, i play with your hair' 'let's snuggle on the couch together' 'close your eyes mommy, let's snuggle' 'i love you, give me a kiss' everyday he says things like this! it's quite lovely. today he kept kissing me, and they were long kisses. then he said 'this is what little mermaid and the prince do' and oh dear does that mean he was pretending to make out with me? perhaps.
colin's parents got us these bootleg type dvds when they were in africa and we have a disc that has a ton of kid's movies on it, sweet! for awhile he could care less about tv/movies but lately he's gotten into movies again [just in time buddy] and so we've been watching little mermaid and beauty and the beast frequently, with occasional scenes of star wars. he also INSISTING on being called whatever character he decides he is and the most popular choices as of late are darth vader or little mermaid. if i say 'sit down hon it's time to eat' i hear 'it's not hon it's little mermaid'. it's pretty humorous he even corrects strangers who may say 'hey buddy'.. allll day long... and with little mermaid he insists we refer to him as 'she' as well. we are often characters as well, i'm flounder a lot and colin has been gaston, princess leia, whatever.. oooh i love him! i love everything about him. he reminds me SOOOO much of myself when i was little. every time his lip quivers if he is confused/scared/misunderstood it's like i have flashbacks i just know exactly how he feels and i SO remember feeling that way that way when i was little...it really helps me remain patient with him and understand him... i love his heart.

amber and i. and baby girl and baby boy kye