sliding doors

house of heroes is about to start a tour and i just can't wrap my head around the fact that colin isn't a part of it. i told him it was like the movie sliding doors where two different paths are played out.. he gave a better example with lost this season and the alternate realities... i just keep picturing what we 'should' be doing, what we've always done, and my heart is just so broken.. it's good, there is so much good in it- first of all we know that we know that god wants us where we are at right now. this is certain-certain specific things god has directed and told us... and colin's actually having an easier time at this than i am as he knows this is what god is asking of him. and i cry happy tears because oh my gosh... he's here! i will have help around the house [especially helpful as i'm so pregnant right now], i won't be lonely/aching for him, i won't be crying out of frustration that he isn't here, saylor won't be asking every 10 minutes 'where'd daddy go?' we don't have to deal with the emotions of me handling so much responsibility while he jets off with almost no responsibility... but... i love house of heroes, i love the people involved, i love the people we know in the industry, i love watching colin play-oh how i love that, i love watching saylor watch his daddy play... i love traveling with him, i love the hope and the passion...i love how this was his first love, that him and tim and aj were doing this when i met him almost 10 years ago...
and our marriage will be put to the test, mostly as we are choosing this to honor god and put him first- there is bound to be spiritual attack because of this. but we know we will seek him and our marriage is going to grow because of this.. the process is difficult though. i can't even believe all the emotions and things we've processed already. but i suppose it has been the biggest thing in our life really, besides our son of course. and he is still involved of course, and we will have to see what that looks like, i'm not sure... but i do know i've never been more amazed and proud of my husband. it's always inspiring to see someone seek god first, being willing to sacrifice... and all on his own accord colin has listened to god and has responded, and we are walking out in faith and trust for sure... we don't even know where we are going...
but we are thankful. for jesus,for each other, for our community and their love and support.. for our son and so excited for our baby girl on the way.....