optimist thinking

i tend to be a pessimist, and i often play devil's advocate which means lots of debating and disagreeing for the sake of good conversation. but i'm noticing i am only thinking positively about labor and having a newborn. it has to be some sort of self-protective thing/wishful thinking. i think, oh yes this labor is going to be much easier. saylor was only 9 hours and i was [unnecessarily] induced, and he was 9 lbs. this one will go much quicker! then i picture a newborn, i know she will cry, i know i will cry with frustration and feel helpless and overwhelmed but there is still this glossy bliss painted over it and it's because it's not reality yet.. you can't fully understand it until it's in front of you i think. i remember saylor as a newborn and my journal tells of the tough times, but memories fortunately don't hold onto the intense emotions of it all. it's hazy. i do however still believe that the 2nd child will be easier than the first, in some ways at least.. hoping. saylor was so easy, plus i was one of the first to have a kid and so i think that helped- me not being influenced by everyone's opinions and stories. but really he was so easy the first year. praying baby girl is just as chill....
random thoughts
it's snowing outside and i like it.
played yahtzee for.. i think the first time last night and i'm a dork/in love. that game is like..made for me. yes i shall be playing it by myself, while eating ice cream, in bed. oh yes.
we have settled on our baby name, i am only slightly bothered that there is a celebrity association with it. ok it reaaally bothers me. we aren't telling people, but have told a couple strangers to see what people think. so far most people don't realize the connection but one woman said to colin 'oh yah that's so-and so__'... i don't want to hear that constantly! although i know as years go on it won't be that way. i hope. and i get with saylor a lot- 'what's his name?' 'saylor' 'taylor?' 'no Saylor.' 'oooooh'...this name we've picked is exactly what we want/like in a name... so unless something else presents itself... still thinking, still thinking...
saylor LOVES letters [and numbers/time-obsessed with clocks]... knows all the upper and lowercase, knows the letters in sign language, and how to spell several words [saylor, up, go, stop, cat and a couple others].. he is always drawing and typing on his leapfrog game or on my computer. he will write random letters and ask what it spells. this morning he spelled ASS and asked me what it said. awesome.
i am ready to be consistent in blogging again and wanting to revamp and wishing i could have someone redesign it for me. i also tried to change my account to have me be under my new gmail email but it won't let me.. why!?