the garment doctor

i found this dress from a friend's 'raid my closet' sale, it's this cute 80's dress.. i want to wear it to tim and stephanie's wedding but it's too long style wise, it needs to be shorter. so i went to the garment doctor today. this was my first visit to this amazing eccentric woman- colin has met her before, i hadn't as i typically go to this little old lady right down our street next to thai grille. but she takes awhile and i need this done asap!
so i pull up and then see a creepy guy pulling in next to me parking in front of a tobacco store and he was staring and i was weirded out so yes, i backed out and drove to starbucks for a bit and then came back. ahem ahem. but at starbucks i discovered that the dress i was presently wearing had a tear in the back! aaaand it's not mine it's val's. so i point it out to the lady [need to find out her name!] after showing her the dress i came for and she's just super cute.. she's old and has a perfect new york accent and right away she's rambling away stories to me. so she tells me to take off the dress i'm wearing and i'm standing in the middle of her store like 'oh, ok... i have nothing on underneath..?' and she's like 'nothin i haven't seen before honey.' so i think well shoot whatever. so i give her the dress and then put on the dress i came for. she fixes val's dress in approx 30 seconds. awesome. she starts pinning the dress i'm wearing all the while telling me about her old neighborhood, designer wedding dresses she worked on, etc etc etc... i'm falling in love with her. she agrees the dress looks much better shorter and then tells me 'ok you need to take your hand, cross it over, stick it in your dress and pull up ok?' and i'm like what the heck is she telling me ooooh ok pull my boobs up. it's a strapless dress. so i shift one side and then let her know the other side is a lot bigger because i haven't nursed off that side yet today.. so i adjust that one and yah they are noticeably different in size and she is surprised and laughs and says 'i've never seen anything like that before!'. um. evidently you never breastfed?! a-whoops. i thought you said you've seen it all lady! aaaah :)
i hope the dress turns out well, if so i will post before and after pics.

birth of caspian sage adventure

it's hard to describe the beauty and emotion of this whole night...i would use the words fun, easy, funny, love, peace, joy, caspian. :)

after losing mucus plug friday and a false alarm saturday, i was ready and waiting but still trying to tell myself it could be days away... however i had in my head that i might have him by the 11th?! and midwife apprentice michelle had blurted out to kathy the midwife 'i think michelle's gonna have her baby this weekend!'  haha a couple other people thought i would have him this weekend too so.. game on!

every couple hours or so on sunday i would have a contraction. just felt like a stronger braxton hicks, with slight cramping. [which that and the plug/false alarm is almost an answer to prayer as we hoped i would have a little forewarning and not be slammed with a fast labor out of nowhere]. we went about our day and around 9-10pm i noticed they were starting up again and staying so i started timing them. i texted michelle a little after 10 to let her know but said i was going to try to sleep in case they fizzled out. i told her they were making me want to 'squeeze things' but they weren't unbearable by any means and since they were so spaced out i felt perfectly fine between them and that was weird for me, made me doubt it was labor because i never really had a break between contractions with my last labor. and with a 10+ minute break i thought well shoot it's just gonna fizzle out. i called kathy about 11:15 to let her know and said they were still 8-10 minutes apart but then the contractions would last an entire minute plus,and i had one that was two minutes long. she said sometimes in early labor the contractions are longer, she said to wait a half hour and call her back. well i thought shoot i'm not gonna call her back in 30 minutes. i'm going to wait as long as possible and try to sleep. which is funny logic because we assumed this labor would be fast and kathy is about 40 minutes from my house i don't know why my mind suddenly was like trying to wait until the last second. but i just didn't want to call too soon and jump the gun or whatever. so i tried to lay back down for a bit and then i put in my contacts-acknowledging this may it :) and i got in the shower. it felt great but i didn't want to waste time in the shower, wanted to save it for when i needed it or some weird logic like that. so i got out and walked around a bit more, just timing contractions. when i would feel them they felt intense but then in between them i felt great! i finally called kathy back at 12:22 and said 'well they are about 5 minutes apart now lasting 40-50 seconds' and she said 'ok honey we are on our way' and again i felt like oh ok ok! hope they don't fizzle out! so then i called my mom and let her know but said i had long breaks between them so wondered if my labor would be longer. i tried to plan for her to take the kids if i didn't have him by 6 or 7am. michelle arrived quickly and she checked baby's heart. i told her and colin i wanted my friends there but i didn't want to see them [jayme and amber came and came upstairs in time to see me push him out!] michelle later told me she knew things were going quickly along because i said that. i was already internally focused with contractions. michelle was quiet and began setting things up. it was nice she wasn't all over me she just let me be. i was quiet for a couple contractions and then said i think i wanted [needed!] to get in the shower. she said i can do whatever i want. so i got in the shower and let it run over my belly during a contraction that. felt. GREAT. i started singing worship 'how great is our god' came to my head and i genuinely was able to raise my hands and worship. i stayed in there for awhile and started to feel a little nauseous but thought it could be because i was just getting hot in the shower. the contractions felt strong but my whole body felt relaxed and i was optimistic and visualizing myself opening and all that jazz and talking to caspian and praying. i got out of the shower and saw a spider and made colin come kill it. which is funny to me, these moments in between contractions of awareness of surroundings. i then went in our room and just went for colin's little office chair and put the yoga ball between my legs to just have there. kathy had arrived, and i think she got there about 1:15. i still felt nauseous and let them know. they gave me a bowl and got me some peppermint to sniff and wet cloths for my head and neck. colin was rubbing my shoulders and young oceans worship was playing. i started to throw up as i do in labor, not fun! and i said 'i don't like this' and they were comforting me. but yet i knew this meant transition time and i remember michelle saying they got excited when someone threw up so i also felt kinda stoked knowing the urge to push was coming. sure enough my water breaks while i'm throwing up. i then had a break and noticed my cat and started laughing at her spastic-ness and then wondered if i wasn't in transition because i felt so lucid. i said 'but i can talk to you?' to kathy and she said 'yah honey that's normal'. [sidenote apparently poppy was crazy throughout labor. they locked her in the basement twice and she somehow opened the door and came back up. amber held her as i pushed. ;)] i just didn't have a break between contractions with clover! so i thought well shoot this isn't bad at all!  i dry heaved some more and then felt some pressure/slight urge to push. kathy checked me quickly said i had a little lip left and after a couple more contractions i was ready to push and kinda just got on the floor/on my knees somehow and put my hands on the bed and grabbed onto sheets and colin and started pushing. it felt less intense pressure wise as clover's did but felt more intense contraction and ring of fire wise. i think clover was just like a crazy train shooting through me at lightening speed, and caspian i had that break so was more aware of each contraction coming to help get him out. but it was kind of a cool feeling at the same time too. i made the typical grunting/gasping/ooow noises that one does when pushing but i never screamed or anything. i remember getting his head out but was still unsure and said 'is his head out?' yes yes...and within a couple minutes, with kathy's help to guide and breathe him out slowly, he was here!! 1:48 am! i had no concept of time at that point and realized oh my gosh this still was a pretty fast labor huh. i told everyone that that wasn't bad at all and i'd totally do that again. and 3 days later/healing wise i feel fantastic as well. unbelievable! i had a small tear that was a re-tear from one of my other deliveries. but it took me over 3 weeks to heal from the other two.. like excruciating pain every time i peed among other things. and this time around it's been a couple days and i feel like i could go for a run. a friend asked me how painful it was and i realized i couldn't even describe it as pain and then realized oh my gosh i had one of those blissful births that people talk about!! i know that being at home allowed me to be fully relaxed and at peace and i felt comforted and surrounded by love and prayer and support. but i also know that part of it is just happening to have an easy labor!! and i'm blown away. i still can't believe how amazing it was. i'm not a super overtly/loud emotional person but inside i truly am overwhelmed with joy and emotion of the whole event. i am so thankful to jesus and to the love and support of kathy and michelle and am so in love with my new little man!!
caspian sage adventure
june 11th, 2012 1:48am, 8lbs 8oz  21 inches  

5 year old survey

i asked him these questions when he was 3 and then 4 and now here we are again...and now i'm ready to find a new question thing for him to answer. cuz i love this thoughts! i originally put these in facebook notes but that feature is apparently gone from facebook now! so i'm saving them to my blog.

1. What is something mom always says to you?

uuuuh... just to snuggle and stuff.

2. What makes mom happy?

massages and snuggling and saying i love you too.

3. What makes mom sad?

doing bad things.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?

just doing funny stuff and tickling me.

5. What was your mom like as a child?

i don't know because i wasn't around.

6. How old is your mom?

how old are you? 27?

7. How tall is your mom?

i don't know. 25 inches?

8. What is her favorite thing to do?

mmm massages and massages and snuggling.

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?

i don't know because i don't see you! just doing stuff, doing grownup stuff, watching movies or something.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

what's famous? um, because they love you.

11. What is your mom really good at?

good at? hmm. i don't know what are you good at? playing mario kart.

12. What is your mom not very good at?

war. warring. because i sometimes win the war [card game].

13. What does your mom do for a job?

work on the computer? just look up stuff on the computer i only think of that.

14.What is your mom's favorite food?

i don't know. pb&j? pizza?

15.What makes mom proud of you?

doing good things and beating stuff.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

uh. a robot.

17. What do you and your mom do together?

snuggle and play.

18. How are you and your mom the same?

our faces.

19. How are you and your mom different?

because you're tall and i'm shorter.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?

i don't know.because i always say i love you and she does too.

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?

because you married him. just that he's with you and stuff and that he lives with you.

22. What is your mom's favorite place to go?

i don't know. the beach! i don't know. cosi?

here is his 4 year old answers:

i asked him these questions when he was 3 and now here we are again... funny to see how he understood questions more this time..

1. What is something mom always says to you?

uh, i don't know. do you love me? i love you!

2. What makes mom happy?

uh, cleaning up messy stuff.

3. What makes mom sad?

if i do wrong stuff?

4. How does your mom make you laugh?

when you do silly things and wiggle me!

5. What was your mom like as a child?

uh fat and a little small.

6. How old is your mom?

uh, 8 years old

7. How tall is your mom?

60 a little bit inches and 2 2 5.. two 2's.

8. What is her favorite thing to do?

eat food

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?

i work, work. just do stuff or writing texts.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

like what would you do? uh everybody.. i don't know

11. What is your mom really good at?

the pinano.

12. What is your mom not very good at?

uuuuuh, gluing stuff.

13. What does your mom do for a job?

do the dishwasher and clean stuff

14.What is your mom's favorite food?

iiii... salad!

15.What makes mom proud of you?

going poo by myself

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

mmm dunno.

17. What do you and your mom do together?

play.

18. How are you and your mom the same?

uh, i'm not the same as you. well, lovely.

19. How are you and your mom different?

uh, i don't know what to say.because i'm a boy and you're a lady. i can't say gorwl [girl] very well.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?

so much! i don't know

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?

uh really so much as you love him when he's gone. work.

22. What is your mom's favorite place to go?

to theeeee.. i don't know, the waffle store.

and his 3 year old answers:

1. What is something mom always says to you?
no, it's too hard for me to say!

2. What makes mom happy?
me

3. What makes mom sad?
me too, again [oh dear so sad!]

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
like this 'hahaha' and poop, hahaha

5. What was your mom like as a child?
snoop..haa [anything he doesn't want to answer is usually poop. or snoop or koop,pee or toot etc]

6. How old is your mom?
22... you're not 22 mommy.. i don't remember.. you say it mommy!

7. How tall is your mom?
um, a little bit like this [holds up hand]

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
play toys

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
get time out? ... drive away.. [where do i go?] um..at the store.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
2... uhhuh. you can't be 2. poop. poop mommy.

11. What is your mom really good at?
toot.

12. What is your mom not very good at?
tooting.

13. What does your mom do for a job?
at starbucks?

14.What is your mom's favorite food?
bagel! [right on son]

15.What makes mom proud of you?
poop on the potty!

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
dragon!

17. What do you and your mom do together?
play.. toys. we poop on the potty too.

18. How are you and your mom the same?
are you the same? i'm the same... i'm not the same, you're just the same.

19. How are you and your mom different?
snooking... i'm a boy and you're a girl! [i had to hint at that one]

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
i don't remember. um....pooping!

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
um lion princess and a goat and a dog and a pig and buddy and the pig, i just did the puppets.

22. What is your mom's favorite place to go?
we already did that.. [what did we say?] we already did that mommy! at the store!

today

saylor is currently sad because he dropped his spiderman musical toothbrush [that he got in his christmas stocking] down the sink drain. well to clarify, he told me he didn't drop it there, he was trying to see if it would fit down there. and it got gross. lesson learned. we just got back from a photo shoot for mcgraw/hill, he had tons of energy but did great and had fun. i love going to them too! it's so interesting, i would not mind working a job in that field..i got some veg.sushi at raisin rack for the second day in a row, because i'm pregnant. and it called to me. and it's so good. clover is playing with jujy today. she is so much chirpier now that she's not all stuffy/sick anymore. talking so much! i asked her where her lovey is this morning and she said 'i dunno. where is it?' and judy said when she walked in her house she said 'kitty cat, where aaaarrre youuu?'

alicia is home sick i think she got what me and clover had. yuck :( i'm still stuffy but doterra oils have helped me from feeling miserable. those.oils.are.amazing! i only had a couple hours of feeling awful-started the oils and had one bad night of sleep and that's it. seems everyone we know had the puking bug [ughggghgh and of course me/saylor/clover got it when colin was gone, good times] and now everyone is getting bad colds. having kids just heightens it all, bugs are passed more often and are more annoying to deal with. ooooh well!

the weather has been crazy. i'm not complaining. i am wondering if february will be like blizzard town or what. saylor doesn't think it's winter because there's hardly been any snow.

got an otterbox for my phone yesterday. GOOD cuz it drops all the time. WEIRD because it's very slippery. like asking to be dropped. what the heck?

colin's dad showed me this article from the wall street journal. interesting! mark and i and my mom are all mixed-handed and write with our left hand. my mom read this and proceeded to read more about the topic and made me take a quiz on how mixed handed i am. i always thought it was cool to be left/mixed handed. so apparently i have a higher risk of a mental disorder, whatever. :) i'm excited that clover is left handed.

year in review

found this on my friend jenny's blog and yes i'm late but i'm trying to get back in the swing of blogging! this may be hard because i can't remember this year um...i keep thinking of 2010 stuff!

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
a candida diet for 3 months. it was horrible.

rode in a car on the beach

went to this crazy interactive play

started seeing dr.maureen [kinesiology], teresa [best counselor ever] and kathy [midwife] :)

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i can't remember what my main goal was.. so perhaps i did not keep it. but i always make them!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
2010 was the year of hundreds of us giving birth. 2011 was a pause and now 2012 is going to bring another hundred babes!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
dear friend lost a baby boy. did not attend any funerals.

5. What countries did you visit?
stayed here. hubs did germany! i did cali and nagshead, nyc and nash at least ;)

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
motivation! for cleaning/cooking/working out/connecting more with people :) i was sick a lot then got preg sick so felt lazy in 2011.

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
i just had such fun time on all my trips. spending time with nimma and her complimenting my ease/simplicity with traveling with clover. my arrojo haircut and talking to the puppet in nyc. all of amber's hysterical quotes on our drive to nashville [where i was early pregnant and super nauseous], which i remember because i wrote them down AGH just checked and my notes have been deleted from my phone!!! AAAGH kids. i remember two quotes

1. after me saying how yum mary's sea salt brownies were 'yah she adds salt to her sweets so.... if i was a lesbian i'd marry her.'

2. in a sudden serious and nervous tone-'wait..are like..me and stephen, on the same level??' [attractiveness wise. HA!]

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
hm. i didn't achieve this per say but super happy to have found my doctor/kinesiologist who, along with supplements has helped guide me to better health.

helped my daughter learn to sleep 12 hrs a night that's an achievement!

9. What was your biggest failure?
hate the word fail. we got out of a rhythm of going to church though because the kids didn't like class. and i believe that along with other things affected our attitudes toward each other at times, colin and i. i was more selfish than i should have been.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
sick from what i found out was candida. i believe. and had a horrible puke virus.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
prolly our honda pilot.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
oh gosh. well i'm always amazed at colin, at my worst moments it seems he's gotten even more amazing at patience and directing it back to God. and he's such a hard worker. love him.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
there were a few things that shocked and surprised me about people...but God is bigger than it all and loves them so whatever. i have had to learn not to unhealthily take it on myself to fix. and/or let go of feeling personally offended.

14. Where did most of your money go?
well our bills of course. biggest payment was toward the car this year.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
seeing kathy and teresa. cali and nyc!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
i dunno the adele someone like you song?

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? same? i'm excited about our new boy.
ii. thinner or fatter? well said new boy is making me fatter fo'sure.
iii. richer or poorer? baby makin' us poorer for the time being :)

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
church/quality time with jesus.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
complaining about pointless stuff.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
we got up and the kids opened their gifts. then to my parents for breakfast/gifts. then colin's fam for dinner and gifts. and a seriously hysterical game of quelf

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
i mean how could i not.

23. How many one-night stands?
just 4, i'm really working on that.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
got into parenthood!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no.

26. What was the best book you read?
hmm i love books. enjoyed the help, hunger games series, tina fey's book.. can't remember a book really grabbing me like crazy though.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
oh i dunno i enjoyed adele and florence and the machine. i'm typical. colin finally realized he liked mumford and sons.

28. What did you want and get?
seriously again, dr.maureen, teresa and kathy are awesome people who have helped and supported me in my health in many ways :) was excited to travel. and get the car. and i got pregnant :)

29. what did you want & not get?
well i will say i kept thinking this baby was a girl and cried when we found out it wasn't. but it has been a fun journey to falling in love with him.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
oh sheesh there's still a bunch i want to see. bridesmaids is funny. but now i'm looking up all the movies i want to watch.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i turned 27. colin was gone but set up to have some of my girlfriends come over and we lounged and talked and ate and they gave me gifts and it was sweet. i felt like 27 was a big/i'm getting older year. feel fine about turning 28 now.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
there are some personal things that i wish could have been handled better [although who responds perfectly in the heat of things].

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
i'm more aware that i'm not 16 anymore so can i still get away with the shirt with the panda on it? embracing my stripes.

34. What kept you sane?
husband.friends.snuggling kids.traveling.jesus. netflix.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
i mean really.

37. Who did you miss?
my husband when he was gone, my kids when i was on my trips. my friends that don't live close.. it's great to see them on visits but so sad when we have to part again!

38. Who was the best new person you met?
hmmmm. fell into a good friendship with linzi :)

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
like i said having to let go of things i'm not responsible for.balancing pursuing things and giving things to god.

40. quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
'it just takes some time, little girl your in the middle of the ride. everything, everything will be just fine.everything, everything will be alright alright.'

precious blog

i accidentally deleted this blog a couple hours ago. it was devastating! and seemed impossible to recover. very complicated. i do not like blogger/google tech support. AAAT ALLLLL. ideally i'd love my own domain/site...maybe someday. anyhow once it was miraculously recovered i went through and read a bunch and dang.. saylor was the happiest easiest baby ev-ah! clover is very easy... but is different. can be more particular. definitely a 'hard sell' hard to make her smile which i find really funny how solemn she can be. i love it. i am wondering what this next boy will be like. praying. :) well we are half way through january but i do have some new years resolutions that i've yet to write down so here goes:

1. journal more. the facebook/twitter/instagram makes it convenient to post that silly thought or picture but.. you lose some of the memories that way. i want to write here more and i also started this one line a day journal.

2. read the bible in a year plan? i just started this a few days ago. i have tried these before. so we'll see. this time it's on my phone though.. maybe make it more accessible?

3. lose the baby weight. he should be arriving in june so.. feasible :)

4. cook more. for the love! i need help/ideas for simple/quick meals for my kids.

5. organize. this is always ongoing and fun.. would like to tackle like.. all the basement/storage stuff... would like to participate in this baby bargain boutique thing we have here twice a year. my sister and i want to have a booth to sell all our baby stuff we are done with. i'd also like to 'organize'- spreadsheet? our finances. i've always resisted cuz colin's paychecks are so random and different every month [we were waiting on SEVEN different checks in the mail today. got one woohoo] but i've been thinking i'd like to somehow have better track of what's coming/going. this may sound boring/difficult for some people.. but i love this kind of stuff!

6. tattoo wedding rings? we don't so much like our wedding rings. think we might just tattoo something :)

7. as always, reach out more. connect with and pursue people. i love people. i hear pur in my head from pursue and it's making me want to add 'get a cat' because i keep wanting a cat. but maybe that'll be in '13. :) i know baby mister here will give us plenty o'snuggs for the time being.

8. talk less. i over think. and so i talk a lot. some friends have said NO don't talk less that's what makes you you! so i'll keep telling you the random thoughts and tangents but i would like to NOT say things that aren't necessary. to my own discretion. :) and mostly complain less! cuz i do that way too much.

i always make a bunch of resolutions and for the people who bah humbug them.. well boo to them because i like them and i have been able to follow through on a few of them. past accomplished resolutions- quit picking my nails, quit littering, get engaged, have a baby [written before i was pregnant and even know if i could get pregnant.] so see.. it's worth trying!

also... we think we have a baby name. AIEEEE why can't i do emoticons on here!! AND felt him kick on the outside with my hand today! 19 weeks tomorrow.

baby names

i am 14 weeks and we are finding out in a couple days what we are having! yes i know it's a little weird to find out this early but 1. it helps me connect. 2.my next ultrasound will be around 25 weeks and if i wait that long i may as well wait till the end! in my mind. 3. i admire the people who choose to be surprised and there is something super special about it.. but try as i might, i can't resist finding out. 4. we wanted to know before christmas :)

so somehow i've ended up naming my kids really unusual names and i can't stop now. but i wanted to make a list of baby names i love but can never use. because i'm not having 45 kids.

names that are 'too popular' for me to use now but that i still love:

1. sophie

2. claire

3.charlotte

4.olivia

5. nora

6. nadia

7. camille

8. gabriel

9. gavin

10. corra

11. abram

12. daphne

baby names i love that we won't use because we know people/kids with that name:

1. marlo

2.winnie

3.otto

4. olive

5.marigold

6.hazel

7. juniper

8.sunny

9.clementine

10. ruby

11. lola

12. phoenix

13. pearl

baby names i've considered but don't think will work for various reasons:

no wait, i can't share that :)

celebrity baby names i like and won't use because of the dang celebrity connection:

1. shiloh

2. sunday

i know there are a bunch more and if i think of them i will add them. as you can see i think of girl names much easier than boy names!

the website i LOVE for looking up names is nancy.cc it has fun little posts about names and a huge index of all types of names and their popularity. love it!