Saylor + Clover

5 year old survey

2012-02-04T11:22:00.000-08:00

i asked him these questions when he was 3 and then 4 and now here we are again...and now i'm ready to find a new question thing for him to answer. cuz i love this thoughts! i originally put these in facebook notes but that feature is apparently gone from facebook now! so i'm saving them to my blog.

1. What is something mom always says to you?

uuuuh... just to snuggle and stuff.

2. What makes mom happy?

massages and snuggling and saying i love you too.

3. What makes mom sad?

doing bad things.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?

just doing funny stuff and tickling me.

5. What was your mom like as a child?

i don't know because i wasn't around.

6. How old is your mom?

how old are you? 27?

7. How tall is your mom?

i don't know. 25 inches?

8. What is her favorite thing to do?

mmm massages and massages and snuggling.

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?

i don't know because i don't see you! just doing stuff, doing grownup stuff, watching movies or something.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

what's famous? um, because they love you.

11. What is your mom really good at?

good at? hmm. i don't know what are you good at? playing mario kart.

12. What is your mom not very good at?

war. warring. because i sometimes win the war [card game].

13. What does your mom do for a job?

work on the computer? just look up stuff on the computer i only think of that.

14.What is your mom's favorite food?

i don't know. pb&j? pizza?

15.What makes mom proud of you?

doing good things and beating stuff.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

uh. a robot.

17. What do you and your mom do together?

snuggle and play.

18. How are you and your mom the same?

our faces.

19. How are you and your mom different?

because you're tall and i'm shorter.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?

i don't know.because i always say i love you and she does too.

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?

because you married him. just that he's with you and stuff and that he lives with you.

22. What is your mom's favorite place to go?

i don't know. the beach! i don't know. cosi?

here is his 4 year old answers:

i asked him these questions when he was 3 and now here we are again... funny to see how he understood questions more this time..

1. What is something mom always says to you?

uh, i don't know. do you love me? i love you!

2. What makes mom happy?

uh, cleaning up messy stuff.

3. What makes mom sad?

if i do wrong stuff?

4. How does your mom make you laugh?

when you do silly things and wiggle me!

5. What was your mom like as a child?

uh fat and a little small.

6. How old is your mom?

uh, 8 years old

7. How tall is your mom?

60 a little bit inches and 2 2 5.. two 2's.

8. What is her favorite thing to do?

eat food

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?

i work, work. just do stuff or writing texts.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

like what would you do? uh everybody.. i don't know

11. What is your mom really good at?

the pinano.

12. What is your mom not very good at?

uuuuuh, gluing stuff.

13. What does your mom do for a job?

do the dishwasher and clean stuff

14.What is your mom's favorite food?

iiii... salad!

15.What makes mom proud of you?

going poo by myself

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

mmm dunno.

17. What do you and your mom do together?

play.

18. How are you and your mom the same?

uh, i'm not the same as you. well, lovely.

19. How are you and your mom different?

uh, i don't know what to say.because i'm a boy and you're a lady. i can't say gorwl [girl] very well.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?

so much! i don't know

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?

uh really so much as you love him when he's gone. work.

22. What is your mom's favorite place to go?

to theeeee.. i don't know, the waffle store.

and his 3 year old answers:

1. What is something mom always says to you?
no, it's too hard for me to say!

2. What makes mom happy?
me

3. What makes mom sad?
me too, again [oh dear so sad!]

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
like this 'hahaha' and poop, hahaha

5. What was your mom like as a child?
snoop..haa [anything he doesn't want to answer is usually poop. or snoop or koop,pee or toot etc]

6. How old is your mom?
22... you're not 22 mommy.. i don't remember.. you say it mommy!

7. How tall is your mom?
um, a little bit like this [holds up hand]

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
play toys

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
get time out? ... drive away.. [where do i go?] um..at the store.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
2... uhhuh. you can't be 2. poop. poop mommy.

11. What is your mom really good at?
toot.

12. What is your mom not very good at?
tooting.

13. What does your mom do for a job?
at starbucks?

14.What is your mom's favorite food?
bagel! [right on son]

15.What makes mom proud of you?
poop on the potty!

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
dragon!

17. What do you and your mom do together?
play.. toys. we poop on the potty too.

18. How are you and your mom the same?
are you the same? i'm the same... i'm not the same, you're just the same.

19. How are you and your mom different?
snooking... i'm a boy and you're a girl! [i had to hint at that one]

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
i don't remember. um....pooping!

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
um lion princess and a goat and a dog and a pig and buddy and the pig, i just did the puppets.

22. What is your mom's favorite place to go?
we already did that.. [what did we say?] we already did that mommy! at the store!

today

2012-01-25T11:23:00.000-08:00

saylor is currently sad because he dropped his spiderman musical toothbrush [that he got in his christmas stocking] down the sink drain. well to clarify, he told me he didn't drop it there, he was trying to see if it would fit down there. and it got gross. lesson learned. we just got back from a photo shoot for mcgraw/hill, he had tons of energy but did great and had fun. i love going to them too! it's so interesting, i would not mind working a job in that field..i got some veg.sushi at raisin rack for the second day in a row, because i'm pregnant. and it called to me. and it's so good. clover is playing with jujy today. she is so much chirpier now that she's not all stuffy/sick anymore. talking so much! i asked her where her lovey is this morning and she said 'i dunno. where is it?' and judy said when she walked in her house she said 'kitty cat, where aaaarrre youuu?'

alicia is home sick i think she got what me and clover had. yuck :( i'm still stuffy but doterra oils have helped me from feeling miserable. those.oils.are.amazing! i only had a couple hours of feeling awful-started the oils and had one bad night of sleep and that's it. seems everyone we know had the puking bug [ughggghgh and of course me/saylor/clover got it when colin was gone, good times] and now everyone is getting bad colds. having kids just heightens it all, bugs are passed more often and are more annoying to deal with. ooooh well!

the weather has been crazy. i'm not complaining. i am wondering if february will be like blizzard town or what. saylor doesn't think it's winter because there's hardly been any snow.

got an otterbox for my phone yesterday. GOOD cuz it drops all the time. WEIRD because it's very slippery. like asking to be dropped. what the heck?

colin's dad showed me this article from the wall street journal. interesting! mark and i and my mom are all mixed-handed and write with our left hand. my mom read this and proceeded to read more about the topic and made me take a quiz on how mixed handed i am. i always thought it was cool to be left/mixed handed. so apparently i have a higher risk of a mental disorder, whatever. :) i'm excited that clover is left handed.

year in review

2012-01-18T10:18:00.000-08:00

found this on my friend jenny's blog and yes i'm late but i'm trying to get back in the swing of blogging! this may be hard because i can't remember this year um...i keep thinking of 2010 stuff!

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
a candida diet for 3 months. it was horrible.

rode in a car on the beach

went to this crazy interactive play

started seeing dr.maureen [kinesiology], teresa [best counselor ever] and kathy [midwife] :)

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i can't remember what my main goal was.. so perhaps i did not keep it. but i always make them!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
2010 was the year of hundreds of us giving birth. 2011 was a pause and now 2012 is going to bring another hundred babes!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
dear friend lost a baby boy. did not attend any funerals.

5. What countries did you visit?
stayed here. hubs did germany! i did cali and nagshead, nyc and nash at least ;)

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
motivation! for cleaning/cooking/working out/connecting more with people :) i was sick a lot then got preg sick so felt lazy in 2011.

7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
i just had such fun time on all my trips. spending time with nimma and her complimenting my ease/simplicity with traveling with clover. my arrojo haircut and talking to the puppet in nyc. all of amber's hysterical quotes on our drive to nashville [where i was early pregnant and super nauseous], which i remember because i wrote them down AGH just checked and my notes have been deleted from my phone!!! AAAGH kids. i remember two quotes

1. after me saying how yum mary's sea salt brownies were 'yah she adds salt to her sweets so.... if i was a lesbian i'd marry her.'

2. in a sudden serious and nervous tone-'wait..are like..me and stephen, on the same level??' [attractiveness wise. HA!]

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
hm. i didn't achieve this per say but super happy to have found my doctor/kinesiologist who, along with supplements has helped guide me to better health.

helped my daughter learn to sleep 12 hrs a night that's an achievement!

9. What was your biggest failure?
hate the word fail. we got out of a rhythm of going to church though because the kids didn't like class. and i believe that along with other things affected our attitudes toward each other at times, colin and i. i was more selfish than i should have been.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
sick from what i found out was candida. i believe. and had a horrible puke virus.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
prolly our honda pilot.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
oh gosh. well i'm always amazed at colin, at my worst moments it seems he's gotten even more amazing at patience and directing it back to God. and he's such a hard worker. love him.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
there were a few things that shocked and surprised me about people...but God is bigger than it all and loves them so whatever. i have had to learn not to unhealthily take it on myself to fix. and/or let go of feeling personally offended.

14. Where did most of your money go?
well our bills of course. biggest payment was toward the car this year.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
seeing kathy and teresa. cali and nyc!!

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
i dunno the adele someone like you song?

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? same? i'm excited about our new boy.
ii. thinner or fatter? well said new boy is making me fatter fo'sure.
iii. richer or poorer? baby makin' us poorer for the time being :)

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
church/quality time with jesus.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
complaining about pointless stuff.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
we got up and the kids opened their gifts. then to my parents for breakfast/gifts. then colin's fam for dinner and gifts. and a seriously hysterical game of quelf

22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
i mean how could i not.

23. How many one-night stands?
just 4, i'm really working on that.

24. What was your favorite TV program?
got into parenthood!

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
no.

26. What was the best book you read?
hmm i love books. enjoyed the help, hunger games series, tina fey's book.. can't remember a book really grabbing me like crazy though.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
oh i dunno i enjoyed adele and florence and the machine. i'm typical. colin finally realized he liked mumford and sons.

28. What did you want and get?
seriously again, dr.maureen, teresa and kathy are awesome people who have helped and supported me in my health in many ways :) was excited to travel. and get the car. and i got pregnant :)

29. what did you want & not get?
well i will say i kept thinking this baby was a girl and cried when we found out it wasn't. but it has been a fun journey to falling in love with him.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
oh sheesh there's still a bunch i want to see. bridesmaids is funny. but now i'm looking up all the movies i want to watch.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i turned 27. colin was gone but set up to have some of my girlfriends come over and we lounged and talked and ate and they gave me gifts and it was sweet. i felt like 27 was a big/i'm getting older year. feel fine about turning 28 now.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
there are some personal things that i wish could have been handled better [although who responds perfectly in the heat of things].

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
i'm more aware that i'm not 16 anymore so can i still get away with the shirt with the panda on it? embracing my stripes.

34. What kept you sane?
husband.friends.snuggling kids.traveling.jesus. netflix.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
i mean really.

37. Who did you miss?
my husband when he was gone, my kids when i was on my trips. my friends that don't live close.. it's great to see them on visits but so sad when we have to part again!

38. Who was the best new person you met?
hmmmm. fell into a good friendship with linzi :)

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
like i said having to let go of things i'm not responsible for.balancing pursuing things and giving things to god.

40. quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
'it just takes some time, little girl your in the middle of the ride. everything, everything will be just fine.everything, everything will be alright alright.'

precious blog

2012-01-17T17:37:00.001-08:00

i accidentally deleted this blog a couple hours ago. it was devastating! and seemed impossible to recover. very complicated. i do not like blogger/google tech support. AAAT ALLLLL. ideally i'd love my own domain/site...maybe someday. anyhow once it was miraculously recovered i went through and read a bunch and dang.. saylor was the happiest easiest baby ev-ah! clover is very easy... but is different. can be more particular. definitely a 'hard sell' hard to make her smile which i find really funny how solemn she can be. i love it. i am wondering what this next boy will be like. praying. :) well we are half way through january but i do have some new years resolutions that i've yet to write down so here goes:

1. journal more. the facebook/twitter/instagram makes it convenient to post that silly thought or picture but.. you lose some of the memories that way. i want to write here more and i also started this one line a day journal.

2. read the bible in a year plan? i just started this a few days ago. i have tried these before. so we'll see. this time it's on my phone though.. maybe make it more accessible?

3. lose the baby weight. he should be arriving in june so.. feasible :)

4. cook more. for the love! i need help/ideas for simple/quick meals for my kids.

5. organize. this is always ongoing and fun.. would like to tackle like.. all the basement/storage stuff... would like to participate in this baby bargain boutique thing we have here twice a year. my sister and i want to have a booth to sell all our baby stuff we are done with. i'd also like to 'organize'- spreadsheet? our finances. i've always resisted cuz colin's paychecks are so random and different every month [we were waiting on SEVEN different checks in the mail today. got one woohoo] but i've been thinking i'd like to somehow have better track of what's coming/going. this may sound boring/difficult for some people.. but i love this kind of stuff!

6. tattoo wedding rings? we don't so much like our wedding rings. think we might just tattoo something :)

7. as always, reach out more. connect with and pursue people. i love people. i hear pur in my head from pursue and it's making me want to add 'get a cat' because i keep wanting a cat. but maybe that'll be in '13. :) i know baby mister here will give us plenty o'snuggs for the time being.

8. talk less. i over think. and so i talk a lot. some friends have said NO don't talk less that's what makes you you! so i'll keep telling you the random thoughts and tangents but i would like to NOT say things that aren't necessary. to my own discretion. :) and mostly complain less! cuz i do that way too much.

i always make a bunch of resolutions and for the people who bah humbug them.. well boo to them because i like them and i have been able to follow through on a few of them. past accomplished resolutions- quit picking my nails, quit littering, get engaged, have a baby [written before i was pregnant and even know if i could get pregnant.] so see.. it's worth trying!

also... we think we have a baby name. AIEEEE why can't i do emoticons on here!! AND felt him kick on the outside with my hand today! 19 weeks tomorrow.

baby names

2011-12-15T09:58:00.001-08:00

i am 14 weeks and we are finding out in a couple days what we are having! yes i know it's a little weird to find out this early but 1. it helps me connect. 2.my next ultrasound will be around 25 weeks and if i wait that long i may as well wait till the end! in my mind. 3. i admire the people who choose to be surprised and there is something super special about it.. but try as i might, i can't resist finding out. 4. we wanted to know before christmas :)

so somehow i've ended up naming my kids really unusual names and i can't stop now. but i wanted to make a list of baby names i love but can never use. because i'm not having 45 kids.

names that are 'too popular' for me to use now but that i still love:

1. sophie

2. claire

3.charlotte

4.olivia

5. nora

6. nadia

7. camille

8. gabriel

9. gavin

10. corra

11. abram

12. daphne

baby names i love that we won't use because we know people/kids with that name:

1. marlo

2.winnie

3.otto

4. olive

5.marigold

6.hazel

7. juniper

8.sunny

9.clementine

10. ruby

11. lola

12. phoenix

13. pearl

baby names i've considered but don't think will work for various reasons:

no wait, i can't share that :)

celebrity baby names i like and won't use because of the dang celebrity connection:

1. shiloh

2. sunday

i know there are a bunch more and if i think of them i will add them. as you can see i think of girl names much easier than boy names!

the website i LOVE for looking up names is nancy.cc it has fun little posts about names and a huge index of all types of names and their popularity. love it!

clover at 17 months

2011-10-16T15:28:00.001-07:00

if you're a parent you understand the whole saying their age by weeks or months and if you're not I know it can be weird or annoying but whatever. clover is 17 months on the 19th. I think. she is a treat and a half. so awesome. her hair is coming in more, especially in the back. it's so light! but I'm thinking it may have some curliest to it. she has these great brows that she furrows a lot she makes a hilarious skeptical or mad face. she does this out and about a lot or is completely passive so people often never suspect she has her chatty screechy dancy laughy moods too. she loves to dance! she started walking about a month ago and is doing well, is way more bold than saylor was at this age. by that I means she climbs and stands on chairs and climbs up playgrounds.she's still yet to hit 20 pounds. has her 9&10th teeth coming in on the bottom. still likes to be worn, I put her in the ergo and we both love it. she goes to bed at like 615 give or take and I get her up in the morning around 8ish. nurses once in the morning. down to one nap and it's only like hour to hour and a half but I will leave her in there for 2 sometimes, she has. books and toys in her crib and always wakes up happy and just rollin around. saylor tries to play with her and she often wld end up falling over or just screaming cuz he takes a toy or whatever but I feel like she's finally starting to interact better and roughhouse with him some more. she loves to rip off me or colins glasses, as do all kids, but then she smiles, waves and says hi. what the heck?! other words she says are 'byebye, nigh-night, all done, mama, dada, she signs please, bappul (apple), wawa (water), up,no, nods her head yes all the time, and lots of gibberish that I know are some real words in there somewhere. she knows all her body parts and knows what a sheep,lion,cat and dog say. and sometimes a few more. and she's left handed! I'm so stoked about that. she loves books, her blanky, raspberries/blueberries, feeding herself, taking baths, and jewelry! looooves accessories like I've never seen in a child before and likes shoes and clothes as well. all in all she's delicious and we are head over heels for her! this is such a fun age.

on my iphone

2011-09-26T08:02:00.001-07:00

im coming back to the ol blogger. I tried tumblr because I liked some of they way it worked but now I've decided theres more to it I don't like soooo oh well . but why did I just now consider using the blogger app? I dunno but I'm here and I like it. anyhow that's all for now. here's a funny pic of clover that if u follow me anywhere else you've prolly seen. just testing out how it works posting a pic on my phone 

nashville+birthday party

2011-05-30T08:37:00.000-07:00

on saturday we had clover's little birthday party! she was a doll.. was so cute eating her cake she held it and put her face in it then she would look up at wave at everyone! what the heck amazing. saylor quote- 'hey gabe you wanna take off your clothes...?' trying to get him to play on the slipnslide..also clover is officially communicating with her signs it is awesome. she signed more food please.. first sentence! *proud* *excited cuz this equals less whining*.

i can't seem to move these pictures after posting..so nashville was before her party but not on this blog... it turned out the guys had a day off on clover's birthday and would be in nashville for a couple days. i thought it was silly for him to be sitting around not with her on her bday and so found it a good excuse to finally get in a [long overdue] visit there. irony of all ironies [or maybe not, irony is a confusing word] katie and aj were heading to columbus the same day. bummer but we still stayed at their place and i got to see katie [and her neighborhood world] for a few hours before they left so that was cool. katie and i are sliding doors living the alternate universe of each other..she's me without kids and i'm in kid world.. it's weird and cool and bittersweet on both ends and interesting. life will keep changing. saylor stayed with col's parents and clover was perfect on the trip. i mean...perfect. i love traveling so i didn't really think twice about the car ride and clover apparently enjoys them too. i only ever worried because she was so quiet ha! didn't she did not cry at all on the trip and we hit 40 mins of traffic on the way home so that's awesome. awesome she hung in there, not awesome about the traffic blurg i was makin' some sweet time. i had too much [relaxing easygoing] fun, i just love so many people there and while i wouldn't necessary want to live there... i wouldn't mind being there for a few months to just spend time with some people. also... the coffee shops. my fave. come on now.

love clover's perplexed-ness.

may

2011-05-15T18:52:00.001-07:00

clover will be one on thursday! it went by.. so. so. fast. that was crazy. she's delicious. colin's mom just pulled out a bunch of baby pictures of colin and OH my gosh i didn't realize that she IS colin. saylor is me and i'm walking around holding a baby girl colin it's wild. she currently has 3 teeth and just started actually crawling in the last few days. girl's been taking her time. i think she pulled herself up to standing once, but i missed it and now i'm starting to doubt it and wonder if i'm the one who put her there standing.. but it's all good i like that she stays put, shoot i'm enjoying it while it lasts. she loves to wave, hug and kiss, so big, and can sign nurse, all done, play, and please although we are still prompting those [besides wave/hug/nurse], she is not really communicating her needs just yet. she makes a whistle type face a lot, likes to dance, has just learned to drink from a straw and is finally laughing at saylor's attacks more than crying.

heather had baby cohen on thursday which defined a wonderful weekend of excitement and love. i walked in their room to see him and just cried and cried and oh my gosh how i love pregnancy/birth/babies. that. may be my passion.[wanna bea doula!] oh the weight of his presence, sweet little burrito i love him so! heather is doing amazing too i'm so excited for her. and at this moment linzi is in labor as well!!! the adrenaline from it all is funny i'm so hyped up and exhausted at the same time. had some of my bffs over saturday night and it was one of those perfect nights of hilarious and deep convos that went on for hours. i love love love my girlfriends. i feel like i see them a lot but there was something sweet about that night it was just special for all of us i think.

i'm on this candida cleanse/diet thing.. for almost a month now and it's annoying but i think it's been helping with the health problems i've had for the past two years. it's nice to finally have a doctor that's diving in, very thorough and willing to find the root and bring me back to good health. i am sugar, caffeine, alcohol, wheat, dairy, corn, soy, and peanut free [and more..no mushrooms no peas no bananas no oranges it goes on and on]. it is SAD. fortunately we eat pretty healthy and i am already used to eating fresh produce and such.. so in that sense it's not difficult, i am creative and feel like i have plenty to eat.. but oh oh oh i miss coffee and ice cream and bread. and cheese. i am taking a high dose of nystatin for about a month and then i plan to switch to doterra's GX assist and hopefully start to be more flexible in my diet. i do suggest if you aren't feeling well in any way- do an elimination diet for a few weeks! we don't realize how things can affect us. and it's nice to kinda cleanse your body in a way. it's also a discipline that forces you to be more aware of what you are eating which is good because we feed ourselves crap a lot. food is to be celebrated and enjoyed and it's community and love and delicious..but it's also fuel. food keeps us healthy and vital and strong and the wrong foods can make us sickly, diseased, depressed, etc... all stuff we know but so hard to put into action. anyhow this is all common knowledge i'm just rambling...

things i'm loving:

1.new babies!!!

2.words with friends, always

3.terra chips and homemade hummus

4. my son's constant questions and his random accent he has lately

5. free haircuts from jayme

6.laughing at tina fey's new book

7.the last few episodes of oprah!

8. walking outside with friends. and target and easton. to 'return something' because we always seem to have things to return.

9.amazon. love. amazon.

10.fascinated/warm fuzzies watching clover's sweet little calculated crawls

11.the warm weather and my husband's garden and his cuteness with his shorts and tan

february

2011-02-02T15:07:00.000-08:00

whenever i think about journaling these days i want to write stuff in an actual journal or write in clover's baby book.... but still so sad i haven't been writing on here much!

so many fun things have been going on including an overdue trip to california for me!! but will have to write about that later.. for now, what's going on this moment...

a stuck at home day due to crazy ice storm that has been going on. we braved it yesterday and went out but wasn't worth it today. i fell on our icy driveway yesterday and today. yesterday it was funny and today it totally hurt. it was awkward [read:fun- i love awkwardness] too because the mailman was with me- he was trekking up to hand me a package and so i started to come out to meet him since i wanted to get the mail anyhow. he said our driveway was ridiculous, and it is. it's on a weird slanted/curvy hill first of all [my car slid off it a few days ago had to call a tow truck!] and it's rocks, not paved-and then currently totally covered in thick ice, VERY slippery... anyway the mail guy has some like serious traction boot things on and he's carefully walking up and i'm in my sweats and colin's boots and i totally fly up and slam down hard it was awesome. he was pretty concerned for me and i brushed it off until i got inside and let a couple tears shed. ouch! i said forget the mail! and went back inside but of course went out 20 minutes later and carefully walked down the hill and avoided our driveway to get the precious mail.

saylor is snuggling on me and watching lady and the tramp.. i put clover down at 5:30 she was a wreck. think she's getting sick [agaaain!] saylor was sick all last week, was pitiful though the mellowness was nice i have to say. she also may be teething? anyhow sometimes the days are long but as a whole i LOVE my 'job' and i'm so beyond content and blessed with my family and where we are at..wouldn't trade it. like i find myself humming and dancing as i go about my day.. cuz i love what i'm doing, and that's a good sign :) it's fun to have a bunch of our close friends having kids as well and of course it's helpful that our parents watch our kids for us. my trip to cali was so fun and rejuvenating.. thankful to travel and feel like 'myself' and not get lost in momworld.

busy month, colin is home for a few days this sunday and they have a few shows that i'm going to this month as well, it's all spaced really well so it will be fun. ...

and now i'm going to put my boy down, make some dinner and yah, that's right, watch gossip girl.

makin' it work

2010-12-31T10:24:00.000-08:00

places clover has been so far, at 7 months:

cincinnati/ikea, michigain, seattle, boise, denver, akron..

movie theater, 4th of july fireworks, camp sychar, trick or treat, cosi, columbus zoo, safe auto commercial, two house of heroes shows..

all parents houses, sister's houses, aunts house, uncles houses, grahams,fanchers, pflugs, andersons, wojniaks, evans, baxters, siglers, nelsons, zappins, dearths,longs, scherers, snows, arcades, elys and more.. and how many restaurants and stores and more?! about 10 different starbucks locations :)

i'm proud of my attitude of just taking her with me and making it work! i've done the same with saylor and so far i think saylor was a bit easier although clover is overall not difficult at all. i wonder..which came first- the high maintenance baby or the stressed out parents? i don't know much i only have two fairly easy kids. but i have seen cranky irritable babes and parents who just shrug it off and keep going about their activity... it's hard but we as parents have a choice in our response to difficult situations. do not underestimate the need for sleep and food. i'm so mean when i haven't eaten! and the need for sleep that parents and children need is a whole other post.. but anyhow i work REALLY hard at maintaining my sense of self and remaining calm and casual in my parenting. not to say i haven't had meltdowns, i can't do this help me i hate this, yelling/crying/sighing moments... those who know me have seen it :) BUT i KNOW this is normal, mothering is THE HARDEST JOB in this world.. and i am going to fail my children.. but i'm not going to wallow in shame and regret about these moments cuz that will only make it worse. there are times when i take clover out i will admittedly alternate between SWEET see i'm making this work! and holy crap i'm never doing this again uuuugghhh. but in the end i'm always glad i did it and my memories are always of the fun we had, you quickly forget/let go of the difficult parts [kinda like remembering labor as awesome even though it's the worst pain in the world].. yes when i'm able i gladly leave my kids with someone else so we can go out, but i will also not rule out something because i have a baby... i roll with the punches, realize it will be more challenging but choose to accept that and have fun anyway. i wish i was journaling her experiences more, i plan to be more consistent this year!

baby wearing and sleeping:

siiiiiiiiick+dedication

2010-12-18T10:14:00.000-08:00

i've had all these random thoughts i've thought about writing about but sickness has consumed me for the last week. this is pitiful! everyday i'd wake up with a new attack. it went as follows-thursday: hmmm headache, this feels a little weird. friday: sore throat... ruh roh. friday night: high fever and throwing up, that was good times. saturday: glands swollen to the size of watermelons, sunday: ears started hurting and clogged up, monday: nose started running crap, tuesday: left eye got swollen and gunky infected, wednesday: right eye got it, thursday: uncontrollable painful cough, friday: crazy jaw pain [from sinus pressure/fluid i'm assuming]. bear in mind as each new thing came, the other symptoms did not subside of course. they all just keep building on top of one another. i mean this is ridiculous. of course we've all been sick a million times but for me this one really tore me down. with two kids and the holidays and the intensity and continuous attack.. it's been a DOOZY. oy with the poodles already! thank god colin's home. my prayer is please jesus don't let anyone else get it...

so much going on even while i'm sick. on sunday clover was dedicated and our good photographer friend nick took a few pictures for us. first of all HER DRESS look at clover's outfit. it's amazing. a present from colin's mom, it's the nicest thing she will own until her wedding dress. and i love it love it love it. this dress IS clover don't you think? let's admire it, shall we. second, i am sick as can be here. we were on sunday in my plague of sickness so at least it was before the eye infections.

i LOVE our pastor, i LOVE our church. i need to write about our church. so good.

i love clover's expressions in the pictures! note her hands on our pastor jeff's hands and her looking up at him. she was into it :) and as you may be able to tell, she still loves sucking that bottom lip of hers. my sweet petunia!

hello holidays!

2010-11-26T17:41:00.001-08:00

didn't mean to go so long without writing. i kept planning on it then my computer finally died! but today is a beautiful day, my new mac arrived. i love him. or her... wait let me see...i feel like it's a she! anyhow i'm very thankful for it, we got dust hev's employee discount and i bought apple gift cards on ebay to save even more money [like getting a $100 for $90.. totally recommend doing this when you have a big purchase! i saved another $50 this way].

things are good, colin is officially touring again and that lapse of time doesn't even seem real already... there is SO much that could be said about that whole period of course..but alas.. we've hashed and rehashed and explained and thought it all to pieces so i think we are done. in a nutshell [and my nutshells are other people's long stories :)] i think god genuinely had a purpose in the whole season-that is so evident..we were seeking him and he has been doing lots of greats things...it was so great and fun to have him home but it felt like living an alternate universe. we did get used to it though and so it was strange going back but it took approx 30 seconds for it all to feel like ol' hat again.[so much i could write on what the word 'ALL' encompasses!] from my end i never even wanted him to step down so i really feel great about where we are at now. not to say it's easy... and so much i could expand on that :) but.. in all, we love our hoh family and it feels good to be back.

aaand that's all i'm going to write for now, however now that i've got a computer again i shall be writing more. and posting pictures..lots of fun holiday things coming up.. i love thanksgiving and christmas [and saylor's birthday in between]...

i'll leave you with these nuggets

i nursed on the floor in the christmas aisle at target today [black friday craziness mind you].. nobody seemed to notice or care, actually had one pregnant woman cheer me on..

saw a license plate today that said JK LOLZ.. and i thought to myself lol, omg! byob. sigh. kwim?!

i just ate pie in bed with colin and had about 5 brownies today...mmm and tomorrow's another thanksgiving for us, woohoo.

saylor quotes:

he says this ALL the time- 'today means today and right now means right now!' we still haven't figured it out..

'so mom, let's talk about chimneys'

and what is he thankful for? 'real guns and real light sabers'. nice...for his birthday he wants a pretend vacuum and a hot air balloon. and a 'real' light saber. such a hysterical age, seriously! it's amazing.

i love scarves.

sleeeeeep

2010-10-08T14:05:00.000-07:00

**this post is about children and sleeping and it mostly for my record/memory.. may not be interesting to anyone except perhaps another mama :)**

i'm just so tired all the time! but such is this season i suppose. i just miss sleep. clover was doing great 6-8 hr stretches but in the last month she started sleeping 4-6 hrs then waking up every 1-2 hrs after that. no crying and i'd only have to nurse for a few minutes back to sleep but i was starting to go crazy. [aka burning eyes exhaustion, easily annoyed, no energy to do anything.. therefore not really being a good mama [or wife or friend]] i tried slowly cutting back [nursing less minutes every few minutes] and i tried not nursing and just rocking but it wasn't really working, it was kinda getting worse and i wanted to attack it before it got even worse/her solid routine. and i was going crazy. so i decided to let her cry it out- she was a good 'candidate' for it as she can and does fall asleep on her own just fine, had slept 8-9 hour stretches before and she wasn't a stubborn screamer anyhow. [if crying in the car she will stop after a few minutes after realizing her situation isn't changing.. :)] and although she's still young i think that's actually better- she's less aware/expecting me and can't like stand up or anything. definitely wasn't as hard to hear her cry, being my second child and remembering letting saylor whine and seeing him all smily as can be the next morning. she cried off an on every couple hours, there were a few minutes of sad oh shoot i can only handle one more minute of this crying- but then she'd stop and i'd be glad i didn't give in and nurse-never lasted more than 10 minutes, i stared at the time each time. she is still in our room, and i would go over and rub her belly and whisper to her although i think that could potentially make her more upset so i didn't do it too much. and YES she woke up in the morning happy, beaming at me and chatting away. second night she did better, mostly just kinda whined and fussed. third night she slept a 10 hr stretch, from 7-5! nursed then slept until 745...and last night was the 4th night, ended up nursing her at 1245, 430 and 6... oy..still figuring it out because i'm not opposed to nursing her once or twice at night, as she is still young.. i think once a night around 4 would work well for her so hopefully we will fall into this pattern soon. saylor also keeps waking up to pee in the middle of the night and usually wakes around 7 [though he will be quiet and let me sleep which is nice] but yah, as of now i'm still waking up at least what, 4 times a night, never mind my random mind won't stop running so that keeps me up too.. aaahh. next step is having saylor to go to the bathroom by himself and getting her in his room [they will be sharing a room]. but on the plus side saylor is now done with paci's!! he is almost 4 and we anticipated it being a difficult ordeal but it could not have been easier. we 'mailed' his paci's to kids that needed them, got him a build a bear that he named cham and he never even cried about it. awesome.

and besides her sleep snags, she is the happiest most chill little chickadee. she has a bald spot and is still not really rolling over, she loves to laugh and i'm trying to savor her babyness. i'm quite in love with her, i'm still in awe that we have a daughter- i remember the ultrasound at 14weeks and them saying she was a girl... and oh how i wanted a girl!! what a feeling...

excited for fall.. although where did all my winter clothes go? i know last year i was pregnant but what heck did i wear in 2008?! i have like 1 long sleeve shirt and 3 sweaters that i don't like. this seems to happen every season.. part of this is my bad habit of buying quantity over quality.. still trying to learn to invest in quality pieces that will last a long time versus my forever21 trips that yah.. last for a season...ah well. i enjoy my thriftiness but i still need some key pieces... [jeans/winter coat/boots/sweater] our friends should do another clothing swap...hmm..my mind is wandering...

i am grateful for parents who watch our kids a lot and my husband who gives me lots of freedom, but currently a book and bed sounds more appealing than anything else... sigh!

us

2010-09-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

me and my hubs, taken by our friend nick-shutterthink.com

top ten?

2010-09-17T14:46:00.000-07:00

i'll get these deep thoughts and think oooh i should blog about that... then my kid will hit a milestone and i'm like gotta write that down.. and then something funny happens and i think i need to blog that to remember it! aaaaaand then i don't.
so... here are my top ten favorite things in the world. besides the obvious, jesus/family/friends
1. MASSAGE.
i have always said this. and i said whoever married me needed to know, as in we should put it in the vows.. that i will want/need to be massaged all the time. sometimes i need intense deep tissue rubs to help my always hurting back.. but i even like getting my hair washed when i get a hair cut, i like all of it.. i like back scratches.. i like massages on my head, face, feet, hands... i love it all... so you know.. if i'm ever sitting on the floor in front of you.. i will fall in love with you if you rub me..[though i'll never ask, cuz.. the people pleasing thing, i don't like to ask people to do things for me [except of course i'll ask colin all the time. ALL THE TIME]] most of my friends know this..
2. PEOPLE
ok i said besides people.. but people as a whole.. i soak them up.... with the way people think, with their life stories, with how different we are, with how we are all the same.. i could read friends and strangers blogs all day, every day and never tire of it.. i am deeply moved by personal stories on stupid reality shows, i want to look through your family photo albums, i only read memoirs/autobiographies, i love weddings, i will go to your family reunion, i love awkwardness, i love hearing different points of views, memories..i am thinking about you and everyone else more than you can possibly imagine. and i work really hard to not judge people but to better understand them and love them regardless. i don't have a crazy passion/talent like my husband does.. but you could say i'm passionate about PEOPLE. i want to learn how to love you all the way you need to be loved, and i want to help people.
3. SLEEP
i love sleep, i LOVE dreams... i LOVE LOVE LOVE pillows and blankets, they almost deserve a spot in my top 10.
4.FOOD
ok obvious things, sleep...food.. no but seriously. I LOVE FOOD. everyone knows this. and good food, i do not eat crap. why waste space on gross nasty food when there is so much AMAZING FOOD in this world!? i love to eat. all the time.
5. PUPPETS
deep deep love for puppets. i don't get excited/gushy very easily..but a good puppet makes me wanna laugh and cry at the same time.. within this, i love animals that act like people-cartoon or real life, animals dressed like people... and sesame street
6. TIME & LETTERS
schedules, numbers, appointments, day planner, i memorize numbers too easily, i say i'll be home in 14 minutes and i'm exactly right, i love keep track of people's schedules, i love taking care of money.. and i love words! crossword puzzles!!!!! scrabble. spelling. weird words, definitions.. languages! i love sign language. i love spanish. i love writing. i love reading.
7. EMBARRASSING MOMENTS
i LOVE awkwardness and i LOVE LOVE embarassing stories. let's sit around all day and tell the most awkward things that have happened to us. this is LIFE! i mean..it's awesome. we have all had some horribly embarrassing things happen to us! we all need to laugh about it.. oh my gosh i love it. i look forward to encounters that i know will be awkward... like i seriously love embarrassing moments! bring it!
8. WORKING/BUCKING THE SYSTEM
i like realizing that we don't need to conform to ideas/rules/life as it is presented to us. we obviously lead life different in many ways.. it's two fold- i thoroughly enjoy disputing a bill/asking for more out of a company and within that is my insistence to be ME and live life my own unique way and don't try to force me otherwise.. and whether that's searching for months for the best deal and then working to get it at an even better price,wearing the same outfit for a week because i want to, not hanging up till they take the charges off my bill because i refuse to accept otherwise, naming my children names that no one else has, living the artistic/self-employed/pursuing the dreams life, getting into conspiracy theories.. all encompassing right?! i'm not trying to stand out, i just ended up this way and i'm enjoying it. this buck the system mentality was unhealthy at some points in my life though, such as when i used to skip class and cheat in school and shoplift all the time. ahem ahem.
9 MY PHONE
my cell phone. i'm so thankful. only thing i don't like is that i'm sure radiation or whatever emits from it and likely isn't healthy in that respect but otherwise.... it's awesome. i mean hello, 75% of colin and i's relationship has formed/grown over our phones. and we are so used to it we never really go more than a few hours without at least a 'how's it going' text.. and shoooooot i'm in love with my iphone. i am a little worried about the reception when traveling, we shall see..
10. THE INTERNET
again, the electric waves/radiation or whatever- read this article, that explains what i mean.. but that aside.. the internet is amazing, let's not forget this! i don't want to be too consumed by it, i don't want me or my children to be addicted to it.. but if we are modest and respectful to it.. it is incredible and informative and awesome and funny and helpful... and connecting. i love that i can connect with people so easily through it. :)

clover at 12 weeks

2010-08-11T12:16:00.000-07:00

clover at 12 weeks:
**wakes up twice a night. for awhile she just woke once, but now she's waking twice again- she goes to bed between 730-830, wakes up around 1-3 and then around 4-6 and up for the day between 730-830. she has NOT ONCE CRIED at night. and she has not once been wide awake in the middle of the night! too incredible. she wakes cuz she's moving around [breaking an arm out of the miracle blanket] she grunts and roots, i feed her for a good 10 minutes and she's back to sleep.
**she's still in the packnplay next to us and i can't even picture how it's going to work when she shares a room with saylor. i will wait until she's waking up only once or not at all and probably until she's not swaddled anymore... bedtime will be easier than naps. mainly because this girl does not nap! she just takes many 10-40 minute naps throughout the day.. part of me feels like i need to start 'training' her to sleep, but most of me isn't worried about it for now. i didn't take notice of saylor's sleep patterns until he was 5 months or so- i don't think there really was a pattern until then.
**her favorite place in the world is the swing. loves loves loves it. sleeps in there, hangs out awake and watches us.. happy as a clam for hours. i keep putting her in there at the start of her bedtime but i don't want her dependent on the swing for sleep so i've been decreasing the setting so it moves slower and slower. ha! baby steps...
**she is 12 pounds, looking chunky yet petite at the same time. still not fitting in most of her 3mo outfits! she eats like a bird, polite and passive, as compared to saylors horse eating crazy chomping. rarely spits up but has still managed to spit up on like 3 people and i go 'oh my gosh she never spits up!' and they say 'you keep saying that but...'
**last week at 11 weeks and one day she laughed for the first time while we were viisiting our friend meredith [who just had baby marlo!] so of course all we've been doing since is trying to get the girl to laugh. she is very quick with a smile now and will give a huge dimply smile to anyone who says hi to her.
**so laid back, will let anyone hold her [of course at this age]. we can keep her in church and she'll just sit on our laps lookin' around though i don't expect that to last much longer, she's been cooing/talking more and more.
**our friend erin made us these little lovey blankets with tags on them, i put one in her lap all the time and she loves them. grabs them, clings to them, holds them to her faces and sucks all over them. she works so hard to get ahold of it and put it in her mouth! so cute.
**yesterday we really noticed she was trying really hard to reach out to touch a toy. their whole body moves around when they are working on something [smiling, talking, etc] it's so cute! her left arm seems to have more control than her right and that's the one she's trying to touch things with so i'm saying she's gonna be left handed :)
we got iphones! long overdue but it was hard to leave verizon.. my one concern is the reception at&t has, especially if colin starts traveling again. we know lots of guys who have had issues with that... argh. but we got the new ones so we have face2face so that will be fun to use. and i'm so in love with it it's crazy. i feel like i'm carrying around my mac! it's too cool.... i mean, i'm playing games of scrabble right now with friends on my phone. SOLD! haha. i'm very excited about having better quality pictures and storage of pictures and video.. still figuring it out but it's fun. not sure why this video is showing such a small screen... but yah, that's a little bit of her honky laugh.

on another note our community of friends and church have been hit with some intense pain and sadness as of late. it's been surreal.. brokenness and spiritual attack, cancer and sickness, parents sick and dying, marriages hurting and the like. everyone is working hard to love and give and help in what ways we can, but many things aren't fixable or controllable. we have to walk it out and it hurts. prayers are appreciated for my friends. thank you.

i swear saylor gets more attractive every day

she loves to lift those legs up! working on rolling over soon

2.5 kids

2010-08-02T18:17:00.001-07:00

clover is going to be 11 weeks this week so i know i don't need to make a decision today. however, i keep thinking and wondering and trying to decide...should we have 3 kids? when she first arrived, it was so easy i was laughing and totally ready to have the 3rd. and now i'm unsure again. our plan is to just wait and see how strong the urge gets :) i know the feeling- your baby is 2, a toddler and you start to ache for a newborn..

PRO CON LIST FOR HAVING A 3RD BABY
PRO
i always wanted 4, scaled back to 3, NEVER wanted 2.
2 seems lonely to me, and also it's what 'everyone else' is doing and i tend to go against the flow :)
i'm still young, there's 'time' to have a 3rd.
another child to 'bounce off' of saylor and clover so they have more than just each other
a potential sister for clover [or brother for saylor], i want to give that to them.
able to give birth one more time!
able to be pregnant/feel a baby move inside me one more time
i love, love, love babies
3 feels more like a family in my mind, and i don't want to someday regret not having a 3rd just because i was too selfish or something
the idea of only 2 kids genuinely makes me a little sad

CON
have to be pregnant again [bluuuuurg]
have to raise a toddler again [exhausting to me]
would have to get a bigger car
harder to get a babysitter/harder to have parents watch all of them
house situation? i like our house, like having a housemate.. 3 kids would be harder for anyone to live with us, plus 3 kids sharing one room??
i like that we are still young and it's very appealing to think of being done having kids. i still feel 'free' and connected to the world.. i like the idea of say and clo growing up and 'hanging out' with us...going to shows and such
can travel easier with 2- take one with us, leave the other one. leave both with family.. or even taking both- easier than adding a 3rd child for sure.
we have 2 great kids, scary to toss the dice again... like the idea of being able to invest and connect more with them 2 and not frazzle/wear myself out.
the idea of 3 kids is exhausting and i feel like it will cement me as a 'mom' and i may 'lose myself'...

basically 2 and a half kids would be perfect. :) it all depends on what colin's doing, what we are feeling in the next couple years. i don't mind waiting a while and then just having one more although i was always saying 3 before 30... but i dunno! 2 sounds lovely.. i still kinda want 3... i'm thinking about this too much i need to somehow block it from my mind for a good year and a half or so!

chubby arms and smiles

serene

how to store produce

2010-07-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

always wondering how to best store things, found this list. only thing that isn't included is knowing to keep some produce apart. like i think bananas cause other things to ripen quicker if they are sitting together?? i also am always hearing different advice on apples. roomp temp, or fridge. we tend to leave ours on the counter.

Citrus-room temperature.use within two weeks. do not store in plastic bags.

Berries and Cherries-covered in the fridge. don’t wash until you use them.

Avocados & Bananas-room temperature.

Apples-fridge, stored loose. use within a month.

Eggplants, Potatoes, Onions, Winter Squash, Rutabagas, & Sweet Potatoes-
moderately cool-counter, in a cupboard or basket.

Apricots, Peaches, Pears, Nectarines, Mangoes, Kiwis, Plums and Melons should be ripened before refrigeration, stored in plastic bags when ripe.

Tomatoes-uncovered at room temp, can be refrigerated if very ripe.

--All other fresh vegetables belong in the refrigerator--

Green Beans and Peas-in plastic bags or containers. they’ll last 3-5 days in the fridge.

Corn keep in its husk in the fridge. eat as soon as possible.

Carrots, Radishes, Turnips, Beets, and Parsnips-store in plastic bags. they’ll last two weeks in the fridge. take tops off carrots before storing, leave greens on radishes, turnips and beets, with both roots and tops in the bag.

Broccoli, Brussel Sprouts, Scallions, and Summer Squash will last 4-7 days in plastic bags in the crisper.

Spinach, Kale, Chard, Lettuce, Salad Greens, and Cooking Greens have the same crisper, keep in plastic bags. any bunch greens can be freshened by cutting an inch of the bottom stalks and soaking the entire bunch in cold water for 10 minutes. Place in a plastic bag in the fridge for a few hours to revive.

Peppers, & Cucumbers-store in crisper

Cauliflower, Fennel, Artichokes and Leeks wrap in plastic and use within a week.

Cabbage and Celery fridge life of up to two weeks. wrap celery in plastic.

HERBS: Parsley and Cilantro are best with bottoms of stems trimmed, placed upright in a jar of water in the fridge. Basil can be stored upright in a jar of water at room temperature, or in an open bag on the counter. all do well frozen also (they will lose texture but not taste).

Thyme and Rosemary store in the fridge in bags for up to a week, after that they can be brought out onto the counter to dry. dry herbs should be stored tightly in a jar

Asparagus use within 2-3 days, wrap in a damp towel and store in plastic bags or bins.

Mushrooms cool, dark place in a bag. do not wash until ready to use.

Ginger will keep in the fridge for a week or two, but for longer term should be frozen in a bag or jar. you can easily grate the root direct from the freezer.

awkward nursing 101

2010-07-13T16:08:00.000-07:00

went out to an awesome dinner last friday night. it was for one of my best friend's parents 30th anniversary and it was basically a bunch of people who have known me since the day i was born. which is neat, all the 'older people' passed around clover the whole night- and that's surreal because they held me when i was her age. i hope to hold jayme's granddaughter one day...anyway she was 7 weeks and when saylor was 7 weeks old i remember attending a wedding with him and we left because he started fussing. it was definitely overwhelming. this time around? i'm not fazed or overwhelmed. [it does help that clover is insanely easygoing though]. so i'm not overwhelmed but that's not to say things are never awkward. you gotta just go with the flow, laugh things off and be prepared to get creative and/or make do with what your situation is. and enjoy the awkwardness. that's my best advice i can offer as a parent. remain nonchalant when your child has a huge meltdown and you have to leave a store, laugh when they poop all over you and expect them to dump a box of crackers in the car. they will throw up on their car seat, break something in someone else's house, scream and cry through an entire 30 minute car ride, pee on you.. [these are just the baby years, what do we have coming when they are teenagers? i hope i can still laugh then...]
so we are having a great time, saylor's home sleeping and pooping on our new couch with my brother [another story for another day] but of course at some point clover needed to eat. so before our food came i decided to feed her. did not even occur to me until that moment that this was easier said than done. A- i'm wearing a dress that is nearly impossible to nurse her in. easiest way would be to lift my dress up.. couldn't really attempt either way while sitting at our table there... B- tiny bathroom. small sink, basically standing room only and then two stalls with doors to the floor so you don't even know if someone's in there. didn't really want to nurse on the toilet and have people repeatedly knocking or trying to come in. C-our car? no dice, it was far, far away in a parking garage. whatever, i'm cas, i'm not fazed. a family friend was walking around with her outside of the restaurant- there was a huge fountain and a bridge and such, very pretty. so i walk way out to him and get her and only then realized what i took with me. my cardigan, my phone, and my keys. what the heck my keys!? why michelle, why.and my tiny little cardigan, not her nice sized blanket that would cover me. no, a tiny little cardigan. i proceed to try to find a secluded area to nurse. there are people all around, i end up climbing over this flower bench thing and sitting on a wet picnic table. pretty sure the guy lounging behind me saw my boobs a few times... and the fun time i had trying to get access to them... i had a huge chunky/in the way necklace on, i was sweating and may have ripped my dress trying to-get access. all this while trying to remain semi covered with my tiny little cardigan. i also continued to text my friend updating her on the awkwardness that was occuring. it helps that i love awkward/embarrassing situations but it was good times. the whole night was so fun. we stayed out late and then yah, we came home to a smelly couch and spent an hour trying to fix that [success. and then clover slept a 9 hour stretch! from all that partying] just gotta roll with the flow and know that your kids will always throw you for a loop.
ps this may seem like having children or breastfeeding is stressful or too difficult. i give you my promise they are both SO entirely 1000% worth it. and then some.

excerpts from 2005

2010-07-08T13:23:00.000-07:00

found a little notebook from 2005... some highlights from it..

NAMES I LIKE
sasha, camilla
dorian, simone
saylor, ella
mercedes,gabriel
annabelle, ava
logan?, maeve
olivia, grace, hope
roma, amelia
aspen/crispen

i love that we named our son saylor dorian.. and i have a friend who has named her girls ella and olivia. we considered roma for clover's name.. i still love it.

i have several lists of movies i want to see [liminy spicket, the aviator] and books to read [normal girl, who moved my cheese]... then

IDEAS LOOK ONLINE
recipes
reusable cat litter liners?
crochet how to, ideas

then there's this, i have no idea, feel free to help me interpret...it's gonna bug me..
nell/let's? kill the calfparts nic cage board game with jared babysitting, soft baby dream 1-6-5
---whaaaaaa???? maybe it was a dream? yes it was a dream! cuz i underlined the word dream. still don't remember or understand what i wrote though

directions...phone numbers...
and a list of things to do while colin's gone.. i did this all the time
bookstore, clean apartment
vaccuum car, read
library, movies
online, dollar theater
workout, thank you cards
go thru boxes at parents
put away christmas
devotions, quiet time
play piano
write letters 2: kristin

i love peanutbutter
i love getting the mail
i still miss my 1st cat, but i love my 2nd.
i spill my drinks [coffee/ice] all the time

sermon notes...

words i like- obligatory, shish kabob

i drink the last of my drink thru my straw so quickly- it burns if it is pop and i can hardly swallow it. why? b/c i so anticipate the end of the drink where it makes the loud noise and i only get a bit of the drink. i love that noise. but almost immediately i regret drinking so much at once, as it was not enjoyable and i am sad my drink is gone. i try to get a good sip and can still enjoy the sound. a refill typically follows, but it is invariably a lesson never learned. the sound, the feeling of the 'end of my drink' will excite me and i will likely gulp too much to get it again. 1-7-5

unscathed, i've come out with bruises not scars. how do i hate what you love. you test my faith and kill my trust. i've learned persistence and consistency. but i have to let go.

i think i'm attached. and i know i fear. you are beside me yet i wonder. comfort and heal me, take control. i try to have control.

colin's dads credit card info and SSN...

another whaaaa??----
vanna dean kayaking orange blue red slippers big sport RAPIDS 1

a list of times crossed out while working [at the horrible huntington]..counting the minutes literally.

list of how much i'd payed my sisters credit card [we put our honeymoon on her no interest credit card. it was $2100, we owed $1625 when i made the list]

FOOD
$60 a month in groceries
40 hounddogs
44 girl/guys night
30 eat out other
16 eat out alone
190 a month in food at most! put in folder-use only cash only!!
[this is the weirdest food budget i've ever seen. kinda embarassing! haha how and why did i come up with $44 and $16??]

several lists of paychecks and where the money was going including $160 for colin's hospital bill [he got very sick on our honeymoon and spent a night in the ER the day we came home!] $560 for rent, $92 for verizon [our phone bill is cheaper now! nice]

GROCERIES
tofu-sausage, hot dogs
boca burgers
peanuts
peanut butter
egg beaters
cheeses
deli turkey, deli chicken
yogurt
broccoli
fruit, frozen veggies
[we eat so different now]

WORDS I LIKE
flabbergasted, pickle, gregarious, marsupial, horseradish, bacon, shishkabob

WORDS I DON'T LIKE
worcestershire, booger, corny, 'neked', 'warsh'

colin's and i scoring for a scrabble game... 20 questions game with colin

I LOVE COLIN MARK RIGSBY WITH ALL MY HEART!!!

Hilary's prayer 1-2-5
you are not alone in what you see. bless my sensitivity. encourage my spiritual gifts. the separteness, he sin..what's holding me back, rebuked enemy, lies, prayed for the lord to fill the holes..replace thoughts..i am not alone..

that's most of it.. ok sorry i had too much fun reading it!! i love it! i realize it's probably not interesting to other people but i like going back in time in my little world...

my little epiphany

2010-07-05T08:52:00.000-07:00

i was thinking the other day about the music i used to listen to..my knowledge of music was extremely limited [still is embarrassingly, my only saving grace is being married to colin] there was country, oldies, rap, classical, 'christian' music and then 'popular' music, the top 40.. casey kasem... that's all i knew, so i listened to WNCI and i liked it. i started to like it because it recognized it. now there was some ok stuff on there- no doubt, alanis morissette and n'sync, right?! :) but i would also listen to like.. smashmouth..i wasn't annoyed by any of the songs, only if i'd heard them too much. but then.. praise the lord, i started dating colin. and of course his was traveling as soon as we started dating so naturally he made me a mixed tape to be reminded of him [yes TAPE. also he didn't have a cell phone when he started touring, he'd have to borrow one or use a pay phone!! aaahh haha no way i'd survive that today] so i memorized those tapes.. what's this?! weezer!? the get up kids?! he buys me jimmy eat world, clarity. we listen to rufus wainwright in a car. and my life was changed- by rufus and damien rice, muse and mars volta. OH MY WORD. MUSIC!!!!! beautiful, soulful, real music that i hear the lyrics to and i weep! i dance... i blast, i put on repeat... my eyes were opened. and now i cannot tolerate the other music of course. it's like i hear things differently.
and the same thing happened with food. spent my life eating typical american food and i loved it- loved nutter bars and dr.pepper... and then somewhere along the line we learned about food, the importance of a healthy, organic diet..and we started eating real food. real peanut butter! ice cream with fresh, real ingredients! and of course more importantly- quality produce. the food we eat now.. SO good. SOOO good. so that processed and artificial treats genuinely taste gross. i'm not trying to avoid 'bad' food, i sincerely do not like the taste of it.
and so, these things of course make me think of jesus, and a life with him. people can go through life feeling content and finding 'happiness' in what's in front of them.. but encountering jesus, living a life to serve him. WOW. not saying it will be pure happiness all the time, of course it is hard sometimes- but beyond that and often because of that it is so much more.. REAL. genuine. purposeful. better quality of life.. all of that! my life is so rich with jesus. and i'll never go back.

me

2010-06-25T11:38:00.000-07:00

i'm a pessimist. how this looks on me... i'm not an excitable person- i don't squeal, jump up and down or act overly emotional about anything. i don't receive compliments very well- it's super hard for me to just say thank you- i usually explain away the compliment or say thank you as if i don't believe it. if someone asks how i am, it's hard enough for me to say 'good'- don't ever expect to hear me say 'great'.. i just have a hard time admitting/acknowledging/allowing myself to feel happy or content. it feels superstitious or something.i also complain a lot. too much. but again, that's part of my pessimism. i always state the worst thing first, i have to acknowledge it before i can move on and say the positive things. i play devil's advocate a lot too with people. so if they are saying something they are excited about i will mention the downfalls of it. i'm a hypochondriac so i'm always mentioning any and every ailment i feel in my body. i'm indecisive and noncommittal. think that's somehow the pessimism again- i can't get excited, can't say YES because what if something happens and it doesn't work out? i agonize over decisions, regret ones we've made and usually let other people decide the small ones for me. i'm a people pleaser and i don't want to make anyone uncomfortable so i will bend over backward and suffer silently for the sake of other people's comfort. i'm not good at initiating and i don't really enjoy talking on the phone except for a few people. i'm not good at saying 'i love you' or receiving/giving hugs, again except for a few people. i'm opinionated and sometimes i think i talk too much about my things/my life/my beliefs. i'm an anxious person. i'm sensitive and can easily get in a moody funk. i over think everything. i don't clean well and i don't make much of an effort to cook. i'm messy, i'm lazy, and i'm selfish.
how, how how... does my husband love me? do i have any friends? i am truly thankful that my community sees me, they see all of me, they know me and still love me. i'm truly thankful to have jesus who knows me more than i know myself. he knows me before, he knows me today and he knows who i will become. i'm thankful jesus brings this to the surface for me. i'm not down on myself, i don't hate who i am or my life.. but i'm aware of these shortcomings and i know there is more...and even new ones will come. i want to work on these things. i want to keep changing, keep growing, keep refining myself. please lord.
despite this, oddly enough... i am very content and i do like myself. i'm secure in who i am and i've been able to see how i've grown and overcome in some of these areas...two steps forward, one step back...i will keep trying and please feel free to keep me accountable and call me out on my crap. i need it :)

rocking clover

2010-06-17T17:45:00.000-07:00

i'm holding my little peanut with one arm and leg and typing with one hand. clover is 4 weeks old as of yesterday and doing amazing. she still is quite chill and easygoing.
milestones- well not really milestones but a description of clover at 4 weeks-
she's around 9 and a half pounds, i think [from weighing myself and then weighing again holding her]
20 inches [my mom and i measured her because she looks so much longer!]
besides her 5 hr stretch of night sleep when she was still jaundiced, her longest stretch has been 4 and a half hours. she's had two 4 hour stretches... but it's usually 2-3 hours still with occasional 3 and a half.. or 1 hour stretches! first thing i do when i hear her grunting and rooting around is look at the time. sometimes she grunts for awhile and falls back asleep for a few minutes so yes... i'm awake a lot. but thankfully she hasn't cried at night yet so that's cool. i am very tired but it's manageable. my back hurts so bad though! just from rocking her and nursing her in awkward positions. argh.
didn't starting spitting up until 2 days ago, i thought i was home free! and then it started. not too much though..so far.
she really is so great at just laying around and looking about during her awake periods. she of course sometimes gets restless like she can't get comfortable and starts fussing a little- she often does this from around 8-10 before falling asleep for the night. and THIS is when i bust out my skills that we learned from the happiest baby on the block. this book is a MUST READ for anyone with a newborn! we have the book of course, and today i just watched the dvd of it... so good! love harvey karp.
is grunting and hooting and hiccuping still, but less often.i love the hoots.
ok i started using two hands but she started fussing so back to one hand i go.
my sweet girl. i love having a daughter. having a second baby has felt SO different to me, i'm constantly reflecting on how it feels. i didn't feel like i instantly bonded to her, but i still felt crazy love for her. hard to explain. i think it's partly because i've gotten to know saylor for 3 years..i don't know, it wasn't as emotional or overwhelming so it felt more nonchalant? like when saylor was 2 weeks old i could barely stand to be in a different room with him, but when clover was only a few days old i easily left her to go get ice cream with saylor.. but i'm loving how easy it feels.. anyway i've talked to some other mom friends who can relate. one friend said for awhile whenever there would be something sad about children on tv or something she would only think of her first child and not her second and it worried her that she loved her first child more- but of course this changed, particularly as her second child grew and his personality emerged. regardless, i haven't been concerned about my feelings, it was just interesting. and it's been fun falling in love with her. at first it was like i kept trying to figure out what she looked like.. and now she is so beautiful and lovely to me, like i'm getting to know her...mmmm and it's good.
aaand she's asleep now, down for the night.

she has had two baths so far and she loves them!
oh and some saylor quotes..
'mommy, did god make my nipples?'
'amber loves our tire swing and you know what else she loves? our red couch. let's talk about mailboxes'

making a pb&j all by himself he said 'am i a grownup now?

night life of a mother

2010-06-07T05:09:00.000-07:00

yesterday we had a baby shower for amber, it was a sweet time. i was officially starting to feel tired.. like first time i'm noticing feeling it since clover has been born. but i still decided to go out to eat with some friends after the shower. so colin took saylor home and clover and i went out... came home so tired and then this is how my night went:

9:45pm home

10:00 clover is passed out after a good nurse, diap change and swaddle [put her in packnplay next to our bed]

10:30 bed after talking to colin, reading 'the help'.. clover's been doing 3 hour stretches, always praying for a 4 hour...

12:30 clover's grunting and rooting.less than 3 hours, oy.nurse [and read the help], bathroom, peek on saylor, back to sleep at 12:45ish

2:30 gruntgrunt root root.. 2 hours again? hear her fill her diaper. unswaddle, change, reswaddle, nurse, back to sleep 2:50 or so

3-something i hear a squak and grunt, look at her [with my cell phone as a flashlight of course] and she's sleeping.

4:30 saylor cries...run to his room, he has his water but wants 'cold water from the fridge'. i say no to this, not during bedtime. he insists he wants it, i tell him no and hafta get serious with him. he consents, drinks his 'warm' water, i rub his back and sing 'ABC's' to him. bathroom [is there a better word to use than pee?! toilet? go potty?!], then back to bed

5:30 gruntgrunt rootroot. bring her to bed with me, nurse while laying down

6:30 grunt hoot grunt and spit up. she's only spit up a couple times. wipe her face a little,tuck the burp cloth under her, fall back asleep

7:30 gruntgrunt trying to get out of her swaddle. waking up. unswaddle her, she fills her diap, change her- her cord is off! but gross i don't know where it is at the moment. nurse her, she fills her diap again, nice. change diap. now she's awake and alert, i give up trying to fall back asleep.

now it's 8:29am and i've turned on the today show, she's chillin' in her boppy and i see saylor still asleep on the monitor.
i think this is the most i've been awake at night since she's been born.eyes are burning... quite tired. but still it's not bad- clover knows her days and night and sleeps well. and she doesn't cry, she just grunts at this point in time, which i find awesome. and saylor's a great sleeper, and though he occasionally cries for things, i prefer it to him getting up and coming to our room.
oh boy, lots to be done, but i just want to nap! here we go

out of the mouths of moms

2010-06-02T19:07:00.000-07:00

i love this! out of the mouths of moms, a blog carnival started by mckmama. i am constantly amused by the things i hear myself and colin saying.
saylor is insisting on being called a certain name all the time. usually it's little mermaid or darth vader. so there times when we mean business and so we are sternly saying 'little mermaid go potty now, it's time for bed' or he corrects me even if i'm talking to someone else- 'yah saylor and i were at the park' no it's little mermaid! 'i mean little mermaid and i were at the park'
things we've said this week

'no you can't nurse her. ok well you can try if you want'

'yes that tiara looks beautiful on you'

'yes i believe joker has a penis. no i don't know what color it is'

'buddy it's not scary to go poo-poo it's so fun! i do it every day. it's so relaxing, and then you can look at it. it's just like peepee coming out. let's do it together'

'no i don't have a penis. because girls don't have penises.'

'saylor don't lick the wall. because it's yucky. because there's germs. saylor stop. it's not funny. ok no more. if you do it one more time you'll get a time out'

'no lightening isn't scary it's cool it's like batman and flashing and superheroes' [what am i saying?! sometimes i just don't make sense on purpose and hope it works well enough for him ha!]

'buddy let's just have no more questions for a little bit. because i'm a little bit tired. no i'm not frustrated i just need some quiet for a minute. because i said so. i love you too honey. i'm driving. i'm not doing anything, i'm just driving. let's turn up the music. no daddies song isn't on right now. no i can't make it come on. it comes on at different times. i'm sorry i can't. no i can't make it come on. we can listen to it at home. ok let's just be quiet now for a minute.'

'saylor you need to put your underwear on now. i'm sorry ariel, please come put your underwear on right now. right now. if you get your underwear and shorts on you can have a piece of gum'

seriously i could go on and on and on... i'll start writing more down. it's a fun age, 3, they ask questions nonstop and they are so free in their thinking and playing... it's just so random and ridiculous sometimes! and of course with a boy, a lot of penis talk!

one week

2010-05-26T10:07:00.000-07:00

last wednesday at this exact minute we were praying my contractions would start to kick in....now here i sit with a boppy and little clover belle curled around me. i swear, i swear, she laughed this morning in her sleep. her smile is awesome and cheesy and huge and dimples.
our first week home has gone great, don't want to speak too soon but i think it's easier having your second child. we weren't anxious/nervous with saylor but it was still new and the schedule/lifestyle/taking care of a person was overwhelming and a huge change. this time it feels much easier/smoother. she's great, she hasn't even cried yet really, except the occasional 5-10 second squack. i don't think that's a word but.. maybe it should be. people say to nurse jaundice babies a ton but this is easier said than done because jaundice will often make them very sleepy. she nurses for 2-4 minutes and is completely passed out. her second night home i had to wake her to feed her. this has led to some painful engorgement [though otherwise her latch is great and it doesn't hurt to nurse yay] and she and i are in the habit of often nursing every hour just so she gets something, i am going to have to work on getting to her stay on longer and space the hours out.. but regardless i know she's getting enough and saylor was never a long nurser either. 8-10 mins was a solid time for him.
we took her to doc monday as recommended plus we all could see she was still pretty yellow. they tested her bilirubin again and it had gone up again to 12.2 [when we left it was 11]. 12.2 is in the low risk category but they wanted to check her again today to make sure it's remaining stable and sure enough she is ok. it is 10.6 today. doctor said no more testing her, girl's gone through enough! well ok in a couple weeks they will do a complete blood count one more time to make sure it's all working and flushed out or whatever and check her anemia as she's a little anemic right now. then it will be done.
it's been amazing having colin here and taking time off work. he's been taking care of saylor all day and i'm usually upstairs with clover, although i'm trying to get in face time with saylor too. hopefully i will heal soon [TMI warning: on a pain scale of 1-10.. when i pee... it's easily a 10... i'm like banging the walls and yelling sometimes. there's some small cuts/tears i think... it's like a knife tearing through me every time i pee, it's torture. i have to use the peri bottle 2-3 full bottles worth every time i go and that still doesn't ease it. i'm also using lavender oil, tea tree oil, ice, dermoplast, ibuprofen, warm baths...then after i go it's like.. a knife wound and it takes awhile to walk and find a way to sit down that isn't extremely painful. oh joy! it sucks.. and i'm a person that usually pees like twice an hour... so...yah] anyway colin will go fully back to work on monday and i'm trying to prep myself and am anticipating it to be hard. i haven't had any huge meltdowns yet. i cried for a few minutes in the hospital about being sad that it wasn't me and saylor anymore. and monday our doctor appt was frustrating and we did too much and i hadn't eaten all day and was in pain so i cried some then but otherwise i've been feeling pretty good. but i'm sure in the next few months as clover becomes more awake/particular and as i have to take care of both of them all day... aaaahhh! can't think ahead just have to take it one day at a time!
we've had plenty of visitors and meals have started and we are enjoying this honeymoon/newness period...
saylor today-'does the joker have a penis? what color is it?'
and he also made up a game called 'shark pad' you put a bunch of grass and mulch on the slide and then go down the slide. shark pad!

Clover's NICU visit

2010-05-23T06:36:00.000-07:00

lights off, getting ready to nurse

so miss clover was born, everything was lovely, i held and nursed her all night. at 7am one of the best nurses in the world mary [katie's mom!] came to take care of me :) i had her with saylor too and she's incredible. as in- praying for me, massaging me, gave us a gift card to tim hortons [it's downstairs at the hospital], balloons, and of course lots of gentle TLC- letting me be as vulnerable as i need to be, physically and emotionally. so she comes at 7, right around the same time our pediatrician came to meet her as well. which was good timing. mary said her first thought when she saw clover was 'she's ORANGE!' i hadn't noticed, we had the lights real dimmed the whole night! but as soon as they mentioned it i saw it, wow. it's cause for concern especially for how young she was, only 14 hours old. they did a quick test to see her bilirubin numbers and it was 14. the ped. said she'd be a little concerned if it was 8 or 9 and she was 14! so the plan was to take her to the nursery and put her under a light and do a more thorough test. they put her under there for four hours, retested her and she was 16.8. not good!
babies can get jaundice for different reasons and in her case it turns out she is positive for something called coombs- i am O positive and her blood is B negative. basically my blood was binding to hers and attacking it in a sense. she needed help flushing out her system, and quickly. if it got out of control it could cause brain damage. they also took her WBC and it was elevated- normal range is 8-20,000 and hers was 43,000. the doctor said he thinks it was just because of everything else going on in her body, but there was a chance it could be from an infection of some sort. they took cultures but you don't get initial results on those for 24 hours so they say guilty until proven innocent and wanted to give her antibiotics. i was fine with this, i got nervous for a bit that it could have been a GBS infection, that i worked so hard and researched so much to avoid. but when the doctor said it likely was just from the jaundice i felt better. she needed to be moved to the NICU to be under three lights, and have an iV of immunoglobulin IgA i think, and then the antibiotics. they also had to give her formula- one as an added supplement to my colostrum to quickly flush her system out, two- they fed her under the lights [and gave her my pumped colostrum under the lights] they didn't want anytime out of there, and three- severe jaundice can make babies quite lethargic and she was, so that makes feedings more difficult. the doctor who initially explained all this to us was nice and thorough but he also was scary in a way saying things like 'we are driving fast down a hill and we are headed toward a cliff' and calling it a big fire and such. he actually really scared colin, but for some reason i was ok! i think it's a combo of it being my second child, having a sister that works in the NICU and sees this and much worse all the time, and knowing that they were taking care of things immediately so that something worse wouldn't happen. he said if her next numbers went up at all he would be prepping for a blood transfusion. [which sounds scary but again my sister was able to explain it to me and reassure me] 20 was the number he did not want to see.
so it was a strange day, you are all excited and anticipating visitors and holding her all day and it was certainly hard not being able to hold her or nurse her. we were just waiting and praying for that next result to see if what they were doing was working.
and it was! it went down to 13.9. the nurses were great in the nicu. one nurse told me they were taking bets on what her numbers would be, someone said 15, and the scary doctor said 17. he bet she would get worse! she proved them wrong. the nurses all loved and cooed all over her though and said she was amazing [which she is,of course :)]. her next numbers were 12.9 and few hours after that they were 11.9 and they were able to take her down to one light for awhile and after a few more hours turned that off, and then she was ready go to home. apparently i have a good chance of this happening with any future children as well, something confusing having to do with me and colin's blood... interesting.
we are thankful to all the nurses and docs in the nicu! we were able to come home on saturday early afternoon. clover actually gained an ounce [7lbs 6oz] with the fluids/supplements she was getting. hopefully can post better pictures soon, these are just from my phone..

our little squash, getting her tan on. it was really sad not being able to see her eyes- and she had this big 'tan line' of yellow around her eyes where the glasses were, it was funny

they gave her this paci with sugar water on it when they had do IVs or any blood testing/poking.

down to one light

daddy love

getting ready to leave

Clover Maybelle

2010-05-21T15:49:00.000-07:00

Clover is here!!! and what a grand entrance she made! here is her birth story-and i'm sharing it all so don't read unless you like this kind of stuff....
wednesday morning at about 4am i woke up to my water breaking. gushing. while it was exciting [and messy] i was totally not expecting that to happen, usually your water doesn't break before labor. i've read countless stories of people's water breaking and they don't go into labor for days... i didn't want that to happen-first of all they say risk of GBS increases if your water has been broken for more than 18 hrs, and secondly i was having a hospital birth. hospitals want you to start labor within 24 hrs depending and they will induce you if necessary. i did NOT want to be induced. so of course i waited at home until labor kicked in. going to the hospital they would check you continually and that is where your risk of infection increases so i felt good staying at home. [your fluid replenishes itself-as i noticed because i kept gushing and leaking]. but it's an annoying waiting game- i wanted to have her soon because my favorite midwife was working until 6pm and then my least favorite one was working next. haha!
SO i feel a little braxton-hickish, a littly crampy. but if i layed down it would stop so i just kept walking around. we even went to the mall for a couple hours. this went on for awhile... there was occasional patterns to contractions but they were so mild i was hesitant to even call them real contractions. definitely not painful. around 2:30 colin and i prayed it would kick in and i also did some nipple stimulation. [google it, it's known to be very effective!] around 3ish i had a couple contractions about 10 minutes apart so i thought yah ok that felt real, but what if it fizzles out? we decide to go to the hospital. my mom gets saylor and we leave my house at 3:37pm, still hoping they don't fizzle out... texting people in the car, making jokes.
arrive, do the quick sign in and they take you to a room to verify you are in fact, in labor. now they are getting painful and i was all for being checked. i was about 3-4cm. i can't walk or position myself in any way to make them more bearable. i started throwing up intensely and i hated that!
i ask to go to the room with the tub for the unmedicated birth. at this point i did not know how long i would be laboring, of course. but the contractions are about 2-3 minutes apart already and lasting 45 seconds to a minute. it is becoming the worst pain EVER. no other way to describe it. i start begging for an epidural. this means i have completely lost control.. i mean really. i lost it. i started clawing colin, scratching and grabbing him and saying 'help help help help i can't do this' i was yelling and throwing up still. they check again and i'm about 4-5cm so i'm thinking this will be at least a few more hours and i said i need something, i don't care give me something. so they give me an iv of fluids so i could get an epidural. which probably was nice to have since i was throwing up so much anyway. but it takes about 30 minutes so i couldn't have an epidural until then. and i was a mess. had the shakes, sweating from throwing up.. i soon noticed that the contractions were not ceasing, they were coming one right after another- i was able to breathe through a couple and those were more bearable but i could not maintain my composure for long. finally they said ok someone is coming soon for the epidural and right when they said that i said 'I'M PUSHING!' and suddenly my body was pushing her out, it was incredible!
they look and said we're having a baby! and my [favorite] midwife left a woman who was pushing-told her to stop pushing!- and came to me! i apologize to that woman. she comes in and i pushed her out in about 5 minutes i think. i loved pushing- it was still painful but you could see and feel results, it was a new focus. and it felt GOOD in a way. i was sitting up, legs back [like bradley method recommends] so i had a great view and my midwife tiffany was awesome-too bad we didn't get to spend much time together! during contractions i had my eyes closed a lot so it was great to make eye contact with people and be able to respond to encouragement. it was entirely my body in charge, pushing her out. she came out and i could tell she was smaller than saylor! they had to rough her up a bit, she wasn't crying- kinda shocked from the fast delivery. i had a tear in the labia but otherwise was intact, thanks to tiffany's gentle care of me. she was born at 5:29. i mean REALLY. i wasn't even in the delivery room until 4:30 or so. it was less than two hours!
immediately after i felt so great and was apologizing to colin and the nurse who had been with us. they said i did great and laughed it off but i really felt i was out of control. i realize now that basically my entire labor i was in 'transition'. around 7-10 cm women hit transition and they often hit a wall of 'i can't go on i can't do this' and some throw up, get the shakes, etc. i've read you should be encouraged at that point because it means you are almost done. had i realized i was already at that point i don't think i would have begged for the epidural, duh. but again, you're in transition so that's where your mind is 'i can't do this'. i went from 5-10cm in such a short amount of time! my friend carriane had planned to be there as a support and when she walked in colin was holding clover! haha. colin was great with me though he let me claw him and he was good at encouraging me although it would have been nice if i had a doula or a midwife that was in my face more helping me breathe. it was the most painful hour i've ever had but it was hilarious at the same time and i love how it worked out. my mom's labors were the same and she was like 'don't you prefer that? it's awful but then it's done so quick'. i'm perplexed now at people who labor in the tub, walk around, sway and such. what are they feeling?! i didn't have contractions that gradually got stronger so like... all i felt was what people feel at their hardest moment right before they push!
[with saylor i was [unnecessarily] induced and had an epidural that didn't work at first then they tried again and it numbed my contractions but not my legs- just half of me. so i did get to feel it all when i pushed as well, though they also gave me an episiotomy and i was laying back more so it was more painful than satisfying].
clover maybelle was 19 inches and 7lbs 5oz. i thought for sure she'd be at least 8, it's funny how small she is to us!
she had a rough bout of jaundice and we are staying in the hospital an extra night but i will explain all that in the next post. and i will work on getting some good pictures up too!

i am SO pregnant

2010-05-13T06:34:00.000-07:00

38 and a half weeks pregnant with baby girl = heartburn, constant braxton hicks, paaaain down there, can't breathe, can't sleep, feet hurt, nothing to wear... etc, etc...
however. i am suddenly patient. [unless we hit june, then i'll be annoyed that i haven't had her. before june, little one, pleeease!] this whole pregnancy i've been quite impatient, staring at my planner, counting the weeks... and now we are in the sweet anticipating time.. and so i'm really trying to savor my time with my son, and enjoy being pregnant. ok the only enjoyable part is feeling her move around. i do love that. and just the general buzz of everyone around us excited and waiting... tim's sister was due the same day as me and she had her girl on sunday! i am doing everything i can to get her to come but time will tell...i want to say i enjoy the not knowing when feeling... i kinda do. and i kinda hate it at the same time. as much as i want to be a free spirit, casual person... i'm not! i'm totally a scheduler type. so i'm trying to be like 'this is fun, it could happen anytime!' but i'll suddenly get caught off guard and feel like 'oh crap this could happen anytime!' hard to explain. and i constantly am trying to get my ducks in a row but there seems to be about 1000 ducks and they keep wandering away or new ones appear. i need to chill and realize it's ok if we get curtains or clean the fridge AFTER she comes. the emotions are just hard to handle. excitement, nervousness, joy, fear, overwhelmed, peace, anxiety, anticipation...i am constantly feeling all of these and the roller coaster of those makes me wonder how do some women handle being pregnant so much? maybe it gets easier or you just get used to it. maybe they feel more peace and elation versus anxiety. but then the physical part? how does michelle duggar function being pregnant all the time!?!? i'm exhausted!
ah yes so this is all that is going on with me at the moment. can't sleep cuz i'm so uncomfortable yes, but also because my mind won't stop going. but i laugh when people who complain about being tired when pregnant... cuz it's a whole new lack of sleeping overwhelming mental exhaustion when the baby comes!
my son has been awesome. he is a huge snuggler and i love it 'give me a squeeze mommy.' 'lay your head on me mommy, i play with your hair' 'let's snuggle on the couch together' 'close your eyes mommy, let's snuggle' 'i love you, give me a kiss' everyday he says things like this! it's quite lovely. today he kept kissing me, and they were long kisses. then he said 'this is what little mermaid and the prince do' and oh dear does that mean he was pretending to make out with me? perhaps.
colin's parents got us these bootleg type dvds when they were in africa and we have a disc that has a ton of kid's movies on it, sweet! for awhile he could care less about tv/movies but lately he's gotten into movies again [just in time buddy] and so we've been watching little mermaid and beauty and the beast frequently, with occasional scenes of star wars. he also INSISTING on being called whatever character he decides he is and the most popular choices as of late are darth vader or little mermaid. if i say 'sit down hon it's time to eat' i hear 'it's not hon it's little mermaid'. it's pretty humorous he even corrects strangers who may say 'hey buddy'.. allll day long... and with little mermaid he insists we refer to him as 'she' as well. we are often characters as well, i'm flounder a lot and colin has been gaston, princess leia, whatever.. oooh i love him! i love everything about him. he reminds me SOOOO much of myself when i was little. every time his lip quivers if he is confused/scared/misunderstood it's like i have flashbacks i just know exactly how he feels and i SO remember feeling that way that way when i was little...it really helps me remain patient with him and understand him... i love his heart.

amber and i. and baby girl and baby boy kye

my experience with GBS

2010-05-04T06:32:00.000-07:00

last week i asked to be retested for GBS as i had tested positive in my urine early in my pregnancy. [a low count by the by- and i was prescribed antibiotics to take, but not told why i should take them. since i wasn't having symptoms i did not take the antibiotics and didn't even read up on why she prescribed antibiotics until later]. one midwife told me no. i asked someone else and they said sure. they say having it in your urine indicates a higher risk but if you look into that it is only because you are then assumed to have a high colonization. they say it 'indicates' or 'suggests' you will be highly colonized. i found this small study that retested women [vaginal swab at 35-37 weeks] who had it in their urine and only 30% were still GBS positive! the study concluded "genital tract cultures at 35–37 weeks for GBS correlate poorly with first trimester asymptomatic GBS bacteriuria. Recommendations for GBS prophylaxis in labor in women who have first trimester asymptomatic GBS bacteriuria should be investigated further and reconsidered".. as in you shouldn't just assume someone is highly colonized and give them antibiotics-the swab test right toward the end is a better predictor [although then it's not perfect, GBS is transient, it can come and go] yet this study was done in 2003, have any further studies or changes been made? not that i can find. so when i went to retest the nurse said 'um you know you are still going to be positive'...
which is frustrating but that's all she's been taught. i know more about GBS than any person should now, it's been exhausting.
there are a few risk factors that increase the chance of your baby getting an infection from GBS. now if i reached a point where the risk of infection was greater than the risk of antibiotics- i of course would opt for the antibiotics. but people need to take charge of their own health! there are risks with antibiotics! not only that, with me being allergic to penicillin, the antibiotics they would have to give me would be less effective in preventing an infection, and also increase her chance of getting e.coli or other infections...
there are also things you can do to help reduce the risk of infection in your newborn. while you can't always control preterm labor, fever during labor and premature rupture of membranes [or water being broken 24 hours+ before labor begins]- you CAN decline cervical checks [and/or sweeping membranes] and ask the baby not to be washed. cervical checks obviously can increase risk of infection and vernix has been found to inhibit growth of many bacteria, including GBS. duh. god knows what he is doing. in some countries it is standard that they don't bathe newborns until they are 3 days old.
in addition to that there are things you can do to eliminate the GBS you have in your body. there are LOTS of things you can do, easy google search will give you loads of info- but this is what i did- and will continue to do since i did test positive once, i am going to continue some of these things until/thru birth.
*daily probiotic supplement- i'm taking reuteri primadophilus pearls.. it 'colonizes in the intestine [where GBS is] and provides healthy benefits.'
-i will add that i read pepcid [not sure about other heartburn meds] would kill off the probiotic before it reached my intestines, so i've been steering clear of pepcid as much as possible as well. [at the least i take reuteri in the am and hold out till late evening for the pepcid.. my heartburn is awful!]
-i also have tried to reduce my sugar intake.. which is hard :)
*consistent with prenatals and add Vitamin C supplement. i am not doing this daily but occasionally.
*organic tampon with tea tree oil [diluted with organic olive oil] once a day for a few hours
* garlic suppository [sounds crazy but google it, it works. garlic is amazing. and for me i'd rather use/try something safe, natural and god made if it works before i resort to medicine where we don't always know all the side effects/long term effects etc]
*chlorhexidine - it's a chemical antiseptic and i'm thankful a friend let me borrow some she had, although it is easy to buy-look for the name hibiclens. i have done this a couple times but have it primarily to use during labor, i will 'wash' myself [like a bidet...] after each time i use the restroom while in labor.
*i also happen to have grapefruit seed extract [that we use in a mix for homemade fruit/veggie wash] and i may make a drink with 10-15 drops in there as it has antibiotic/antifungal properties to it
*on my own accord i am also using all natural [no added chemicals/bleach] panty liners and toilet paper. i have read nothing that would tell me this would help but it's just another thing i do to help be clean and safe down there.
ALL this to say, my test came back negative! is this because it is transient or because i have been taking action? i would say it is both. i would recommend to anyone whether they are positive or negative to take a probiotic supplement, decrease sugar intake, request minimal cervical checks, and don't bathe your baby for at least a day.
i feel quite comfortable with what i'm doing and declining antibiotics in labor [as hospital policy they still suggest i take them as i tested positive once.] the midwife i usually see was on par with me and was supportive and encouraging of what i was doing. there are actually several midwives in the practice i see, which is the only downfall to me. there are 2 that have been super supportive of me- one even suggested the garlic to me- 2 who are super nice and neutral in what i want to do, 1 who i felt treated me rudely, and 1 never met as she only works in their other location. PRAYING big time i am able to give birth with one of the two women who i connect with really well! but no matter what i'm still looking forward to it... :)

whaddya know

2010-04-26T17:19:00.000-07:00

i wrote this jan 2009---
"there is a woman at colin's starbucks who is somewhat...prophetic or physic or what have you. i thought she was a christian but colin says he's not sure she is. regardless she reads people in a way, can get senses about people, has words for them or whatever. she does it very sporadically, will just come out and say something. when house of heroes was adding another member she said to colin ' your band's going through some big changes huh? bringing someone else in?' then another time when hoh was writing their new album she just said 'so you guys are writing some new music? it's pretty different from your other stuff isn't it.' she says it like she already knows, very confident. it's hilarious because it's so spot-on! SOOO today she orders her drink, starts to walk away and then comes back and says to colin 'i'm sensing maybe you guys are pregnant again or thinking about getting pregnant?' and colin just laughs and says we've totally been talking about trying soon and she goes 'yah i think it will be soon. i'm seeing may or june.' OH my lord! so crazy. i remember the first time she did this to colin he flipped out in the holy crap kinda way, but he says it's not as crazy to him anymore, but he definitely think she has some sort of gift, and he doesn't feel like an evil presence or anything so that's good. it's funny because if i don't factor in income/where we are going to live- may/june would be exactly when i'd want to get pregnant again.
we will see. but the yet to exist baby number 2 is being spoken of almost daily now... so. we will see. it's been interesting having the 'i'm a young woman, i want my freedom, etc' voice slowly and steadily being drowned out by my maternal desire to have another child, to grow our family and have a sibling for saylor....."

didn't know if her 'word' would mean we would get pregnant in may or what... but here we are having a baby in may/june [due toward the end of may]. so wild. we didn't remember this until we were pregnant again.
was reading some older entries where i talked about saylor and the words he says and such.. i need to keep recording these things! i did just buy a journal to write down funny things he says. a couple things i like
he calls a
piano is pih-nano
table is tavle
granola bar is gorilla bar
magazine is maza-geen
he is CONSTANTLY ASKING QUESTIONS to where i sometimes have to ask him to stop. bless his heart he is taking in the world right now but here's an example of a car ride
'mommy?' yes 'what are you doing?' i'm driving 'why' because i'm driving 'why' because i'm driving 'why?' because buddy, i'm driving 'how are you doing today?' i'm good how are you 'good. what's... what's that cloud look like' um a carrot 'yah! is a tree made of wood?' yes 'what else is made of wood?' you tell me 'is a mailbox made of wood?' yes 'did god make wood?' yes 'did god make metal?' um...yes 'did god make houses?' well he made people and people make houses 'do houses get bigger?' no, once they are built they stay the same size..
and ON and ON and ON... and sometimes i'm loving it and diving right in and conversing but naturally after 10 hours a day every day i have my moments of responding 'mmhmm' and he goes 'what did you say?' i said yah 'no you said mmhmm' oh sorry. 'why did you say that?' um, i don't know..
aaahh poor kid won't let me off the hook! i have a memory of saying 'mommm i scraped my knee!' and she went 'that's nice honey'.. i of course got all upset, she wasn't listening, how could she say that.. and oh my goodness i understand her now... all that to say i'm so thankful for my boy i LOVE what he thinks i love how he learns and i LOVE LOVE talking to him!!
and yes he is a boy- he's loving superheroes and star wars as of late. he asked
'did god make darth vader?' and 'does chewbacca eat pizza?'

baby shower party

2010-04-12T10:45:00.000-07:00

my friend jenny worded this so well i just wanted to repost it...

my heart is so full right now.... it has something to do, actually a lot to do, with all of the good-natured people i spent the afternoon/evening with. i went to a party and i dont know, i just took in the group and felt so in awe of the group. how kind and sweet and generous the whole lot was. men who are wise and good to their ladies, playful and attentive to children who are or aren't even their own, women who are comfortable in their own skin, vulnerable and honest in conversation, able to drape their arms around their friends and be happy for the others fortune. i know of no cattiness among my friends. we just don't roll like that. my kids went gallivanting off in the woods with adults who they don't even know, but they instinctively trust to lead them around to and from the stream or to collect firewood for the pile. it felt good knowing that everyone there was someone i trusted on such a basic level, and that my kids knew that too.... a pack of children running around of various ages, faces smudged by s'mores and ash - could there be a more lovely sight? we left the party bellies and hearts full.... dang it i love my friends folks.

it was fun.. where are the pictures? argh don't think many were taken, blast it. we received many presents as well.. what in the world? genuinely didn't expect any, but we are oh so grateful and excited and appreciative... it was a night of comfort and love and really really good food of course.
sidenote---it's been an amazing month having colin home. i never knew what i was missing, and i mean that for real. same goes for saylor... it's still weird to let him take responsibility as a parent... it's hard to explain but i'll surely try to write about it some more.
here are a couple of the homemade gifts that i'm stoked on

made by our roommate's sister... i mean... yes.

my sister made her a blanket, oh i love it! and she made two, exactly the same. great idea!

painting by our illustrator friend christen. love

and yah that's right i'm just now noticing they are all birds. which is fine by me i love birds.
we are just about ready for this little girl to flip our world... we recently have changed our minds about her name! i was always bothered that there was a 'celebrity association' and was concerned about it becoming a trendy name. it's a great name but that kept grating on me... so we started thinking again and i think... i thiiiink we have our name for real now. i think. still working on a middle name :)

birth decisions

2010-04-07T11:06:00.000-07:00

our big easter party... i'm not too thrilled with my appearance in this picture, but i'm waddling now, i'm in that phase so there's nothing i can do. i'm not gonna look perfect. [because when i'm not pregnant i look perfect all the time, duh :)] saylor really does not like getting his picture taken and he was so overstimulated and tired from all the hub-bub that when we went to take this picture he just burst into tears... it was pretty funny actually, because it's not like him to just start sobbing. we had fun though and we've got a bunch of other things going on this month that will keep me distracted. i was quite excited to find out that i will get to have a real ultrasound when we shoot the commercial!!! so awesome. i was at a different practice with saylor and the 2nd ultrasound was at 35 weeks. at the place i am at now they do their second one at 19 weeks. and when i had it, the doctor rushed through it, didn't take time to find good pictures... i think i cried. it was pretty bad. so YAY! i'll have a pretend husband standing next to me acting excited but whatever yay!
so many decisions with childbirth! i feel very strongly on my not vaccinating or circumcising.... ok yes that took hours... months to research and decide but it seems like an easy decision now. the two things i'm diving into currently are antibiotics for myself during labor as at this point i am positive for GBS.. and the vitamin K shot. i am of course refusing eyedrops for her eyes as this is an antibiotic for STD's and the HEP B vax, which of course the midwives agree. they recommend antibiotics for GBS and the vit k shot though... and i've been spending hours reading about this... and my conclusions are...
i'm going to be retested for GBS and the prayer is that it will be negative. if so, i will share how i managed to do that!
if not, i still plan to not have the antibiotics unless my water is broken for more than 18 hours before labor, i go into preterm labor, or i develop a fever during labor. fortunately saylor's labor was short and i am praying this one is as well. my reasons for not wanting it, in a nutshell- i am allergic to penicillin anyhow so they next antibiotic they'd use would be even less effective. also for it to be effective you need at least 2 doses, every 4 hours. my labor with saylor was only 8 hours so i may very well not even have time to do it. and research shows the risk is so low of something happening, it almost equals the risk you have from taking antibiotics. besides allergic reactions, overuse of antibiotics is risky as well. i like this paragraph-

We can compare this to CDC estimates that 0.5 percent of babies born to GBS-positive mothers with no treatment will develop a GBS infection, and that 6 percent of those who develop a GBS infection will die. Six percent of 0.5 percent means that three out of every 10,000 babies born to GBS-positive mothers given no antibiotics during labor will die from GBS infection. If the mother develops anaphylaxis during labor (one in 10,000 will), and it is untreated, it is likely that the infant, too, will die. So, by CDC estimates, we save the lives of two in 10,000 babies-0.02 percent-by administering antibiotics during labor to one third of all laboring women. We should also keep in mind that this figure does not take into account the infants that will die as a result of bacteria made antibiotic-resistant by the use of antibiotics during labor-infants who would not otherwise have become ill. When you take that into account, there may not be any lives saved by using antibiotics during labor.
http://www.mothering.com/treating-group-b-strep-are-antibiotics-necessary

another link
http://ije.oxfordjournals.org/cgi/content/full/33/1/2v

http://rixarixa.blogspot.com/2008/01/group-b-strep-information.html
and this describes what i plan to use if i am still positive- wipes to use during labor

and here is a link for vitamin k info
http://www.gentlebirth.org/archives/vitktop.html

of course i don't want to put my child at risk in any way- i understand these things were started in an effort to save babies. but they don't come without side effects. in the vitamin k case, i think the low risk of HDN will be immediately reduced when we take time before cutting the cord- so long as it wasn't wrapped around the neck or anything, i'd like to wait until it stops pulsing and/or i deliver the placenta. a paragraph i like-

The forces of nature are so focused on a successful birth that it just seems unlikely that all babies are deficient in vitamin K. Instead of simply accepting that nature goofed about clotting factors in newborns, I thought about all the ways that interventions at birth interfere with the normal physiological birth process regarding clotting. The most obvious intervention is premature cutting of the umbilical cord; this deprives a newborn of 25% to 40% of the physiological blood volume, and thus 25% to 40% of the physiological clotting factors that nature intended to be present in the newborn's blood. As someone who does Newborn Screening heelsticks on newborns whose umbilical cords were not cut prematurely (and some of whom did not receive supplemental vitamin K), I can tell you that they have no trouble clotting normally. This solves the problem of early-onset or classical HDN.

i think i will also take a vitamin k supplement myself in the first 10 weeks after birth, as it will then increase in my breastmilk and that of course will go to my daughter.
this has been hours of research and i encourage others to do the same, no matter what you ultimately decide! be informed

let's just skip april

2010-03-31T11:36:00.000-07:00

32 weeks pregnant. people keep asking/assuming i'm not noticing this pregnancy as much, being my second and that i'm distracted and not as into it since i've done it before. not so! i'm a big schedule person. i thoroughly enjoy just staring at my planner and flipping through the weeks... i memorize other people's appointment dates, it's a problem. i feel i am even more impatient with this pregnancy for some reason! bring on the baby!
STILL weird to have colin around... it's been awesome but still living in the alternate universe reality. in the meantime colin's been getting random jobs. so yes i'd like it to be may already but we have some fun things going that will hopefully make april fly by.
starting with easter, and the following week is a baby 'shower' party for us- an excuse for a big party basically. then i got a 'job' 'modeling' for someone that has a vintage/modern apparel line.. i can't model her clothes [cuz i'm pregnant, how can we forget] but i'll be in the back of shots and i think she may profile me somehow, something about women in stages of life... it should be interesting, i kinda want some girlfriends to come with me though! cuz i don't know what to expect. THEN saylor, colin and i... and colin's dad, are going to be in a commercial. colin's dad mark does film production/editing/producing and he's producing this commercial.they needed a 45 year old guy and just said ah mark, you can pass for 45 you do it. and colin is going to pass as an 18 yr old! ha... then they wanted a 23 yr old pregnant person [hi] and a 5 year old boy... which will be saylor, and hopefully he does ok! oh sheesh. i will be 36 weeks and we have to drive an hour or so to shoot it and i'm not sure how long the day will be. it will surely be a lot of sitting around, but again hoping saylor handles the day well. after that we are having a big multi-family garage sale at our house. hope that turns out well too!!
so interesting things that will surely distract me..
saylor is doing so well writing letters, today he figured out R and B. he also memorized how to spell 'the'... i really think he's ahead of the curve reading/writing wise. he has known all his letters since before he turned 2! he knows all the upper case and lower case letters AND can sign them all in sign language! and he's beginning to read-sounding out words and knows many other words from memorizing/recognizing them. and he just turned 3 in december! i have a friend who is a kindergarten teacher and she said some kids don't know their alphabet yet. by 5 saylor will be writing and reading no doubt!!! i am proud of him. i definitely encourage him, but he also just LOVES letters and spelling. that's what we do in the car. 'mommy how do you spell clouds' 'how do you spell window' and a favorite 'how do you spell 'how are you doing today?'' he always points out if a word has two letters in it. recently he asked colin how to spell 'fruit strip' and as soon as colin finished it he said 'that has two R's and two I's and two T's in it' i was so shocked he processed that so quickly, i had to think about it for a minute to figure out if he was right! ha
i'll try to start posting more pictures on here!
i'm wanting to change my email address on my accnt here but it won't seem to let me?! trying to change it to my gmail address...hmm

sliding doors

2010-03-03T12:38:00.000-08:00

house of heroes is about to start a tour and i just can't wrap my head around the fact that colin isn't a part of it. i told him it was like the movie sliding doors where two different paths are played out.. he gave a better example with lost this season and the alternate realities... i just keep picturing what we 'should' be doing, what we've always done, and my heart is just so broken.. it's good, there is so much good in it- first of all we know that we know that god wants us where we are at right now. this is certain-certain specific things god has directed and told us... and colin's actually having an easier time at this than i am as he knows this is what god is asking of him. and i cry happy tears because oh my gosh... he's here! i will have help around the house [especially helpful as i'm so pregnant right now], i won't be lonely/aching for him, i won't be crying out of frustration that he isn't here, saylor won't be asking every 10 minutes 'where'd daddy go?' we don't have to deal with the emotions of me handling so much responsibility while he jets off with almost no responsibility... but... i love house of heroes, i love the people involved, i love the people we know in the industry, i love watching colin play-oh how i love that, i love watching saylor watch his daddy play... i love traveling with him, i love the hope and the passion...i love how this was his first love, that him and tim and aj were doing this when i met him almost 10 years ago...
and our marriage will be put to the test, mostly as we are choosing this to honor god and put him first- there is bound to be spiritual attack because of this. but we know we will seek him and our marriage is going to grow because of this.. the process is difficult though. i can't even believe all the emotions and things we've processed already. but i suppose it has been the biggest thing in our life really, besides our son of course. and he is still involved of course, and we will have to see what that looks like, i'm not sure... but i do know i've never been more amazed and proud of my husband. it's always inspiring to see someone seek god first, being willing to sacrifice... and all on his own accord colin has listened to god and has responded, and we are walking out in faith and trust for sure... we don't even know where we are going...
but we are thankful. for jesus,for each other, for our community and their love and support.. for our son and so excited for our baby girl on the way.....

love

2010-03-02T16:07:00.000-08:00

i love love

theme songs for my babes

2010-02-26T12:55:00.000-08:00

this was the song for saylor when i was pregnant [changing 'girl' to 'one' and 'her' to 'him' of course].. just found myself singing it often.. all you do is imagine that baby when you are pregnant for the first time! it was so fitting for us.

and this is the song for this pregnancy.. too perfect. we've had some cloudy days lately but she is our sunshine... and she's due in may :)

optimist thinking

2010-02-25T06:18:00.000-08:00

i tend to be a pessimist, and i often play devil's advocate which means lots of debating and disagreeing for the sake of good conversation. but i'm noticing i am only thinking positively about labor and having a newborn. it has to be some sort of self-protective thing/wishful thinking. i think, oh yes this labor is going to be much easier. saylor was only 9 hours and i was [unnecessarily] induced, and he was 9 lbs. this one will go much quicker! then i picture a newborn, i know she will cry, i know i will cry with frustration and feel helpless and overwhelmed but there is still this glossy bliss painted over it and it's because it's not reality yet.. you can't fully understand it until it's in front of you i think. i remember saylor as a newborn and my journal tells of the tough times, but memories fortunately don't hold onto the intense emotions of it all. it's hazy. i do however still believe that the 2nd child will be easier than the first, in some ways at least.. hoping. saylor was so easy, plus i was one of the first to have a kid and so i think that helped- me not being influenced by everyone's opinions and stories. but really he was so easy the first year. praying baby girl is just as chill....
random thoughts
it's snowing outside and i like it.
played yahtzee for.. i think the first time last night and i'm a dork/in love. that game is like..made for me. yes i shall be playing it by myself, while eating ice cream, in bed. oh yes.
we have settled on our baby name, i am only slightly bothered that there is a celebrity association with it. ok it reaaally bothers me. we aren't telling people, but have told a couple strangers to see what people think. so far most people don't realize the connection but one woman said to colin 'oh yah that's so-and so__'... i don't want to hear that constantly! although i know as years go on it won't be that way. i hope. and i get with saylor a lot- 'what's his name?' 'saylor' 'taylor?' 'no Saylor.' 'oooooh'...this name we've picked is exactly what we want/like in a name... so unless something else presents itself... still thinking, still thinking...
saylor LOVES letters [and numbers/time-obsessed with clocks]... knows all the upper and lowercase, knows the letters in sign language, and how to spell several words [saylor, up, go, stop, cat and a couple others].. he is always drawing and typing on his leapfrog game or on my computer. he will write random letters and ask what it spells. this morning he spelled ASS and asked me what it said. awesome.
i am ready to be consistent in blogging again and wanting to revamp and wishing i could have someone redesign it for me. i also tried to change my account to have me be under my new gmail email but it won't let me.. why!?

waitin' on baby girl

2010-02-23T08:19:00.000-08:00

beginning my third trimester, 27 weeks. last week i turned 26 and was 26 weeks pregnant. doctor told me yesterday i was measuring half a week small, not that that means anything except makes me excited since saylor was so big :) i'm hoping for a smaller baby, for delivery's sake, though it is fun having a big baby! gotta love the baby chunk. we will have to see!
there was a 5 week period or so where i was enjoying pregnancy, don't think i ever even had that with saylor-felt so miserable all the time with him. now that i'm in the final stretch though it's getting a little uncomfortable again. heartburn/nausea are attacking and just feeling less mobile and you know... like a beached whale. i know it's only gonna get worse- it's bearable now but i know 5 weeks from now...sigh! i do so love feeling her move around though, that is the BEST part of pregnancy. and the smiles and the anticipation. SO many of our friends are pregnant right now! it's been fun.
i went barn dancing the other night! i mean... so weird and fun! what a different community. yes there were some...characters there. and it's slightly awkward cuz you basically have to dance with everyone, like hold their hands and everything and it's fast and difficult i was seriously sweating. it's intense! me and another pregnant friend had to sit out every other dance. but oh my gosh what a silly experience. there were also some really sweet people there and it was just so funny to see that world... i still gotta teach colin the moves, he was out of town so he missed it. though... i totally think he'd get into it.
the same adventurous friend who got us into that is having a roller skating birthday party but i'm not sure i could do that at 7 months pregnant...

silly cell phone picture doesn't do it justice. should have gotten video of us actually dancing. good times, good times.

sleeping

2010-01-31T18:00:00.000-08:00

things are really rough right now, but we are thankful for the lord's love and guidance and we trust that we are following him...but still our hearts ache. but i don't feel like writing about that. i was realizing how neurotic i am when it comes to sleeping... well ok when it comes to a lot of things, but my sleep routines are so odd and OH how i love sleep. all these things have accumulated over the years and here is what my nights look like now....
fan has to be on low, baby monitor has to be on so i can hear it, but not too loud. constantly adjusting the volume. cover the monitor with a black sock because it glares light and i need it as dark as possible in the room. i always, of course, pee/brush teeth... then a few more minutes of reading or whatever, then i pee again and peek in on saylor. though if i get caught up in the book/movie for more than 5 minutes i have to pee/peek in on saylor again... sometimes this will happen 3 or 4 times... feels OCD. finally going to sleep i start on my right side, then flip to my left... if i can't fall asleep it goes again.. right side [snuggle with colin] then back to left... here's where it gets weird- i can't hear or feel my heartbeat. so if my arm is across my chest and i feel it i'll have to move. even weirder- i can hear it pulse in the ear on the pillow sometimes. so i'll have to scoot my head off the pillow so my ear isn't on it so i won't hear the heartbeat. the side up ear i'm also neurotic with. i can't have it exposed to air so i have to have a blanket cover it, or at least my hair. i also have to have something touching my mouth- usually a blanket. currently i am literally snuggling with our sheet- it's balled up and i hold it to my mouth when i sleep. yet my nose needs to be completely free of anything close to it so i can breathe easily. on top of that i have chronic neck/back pain. the neck is always an issue at night, i'm still looking for a decent pillow. so there's constant folding of the pillow, adding blanket and moving around to make my neck semi-comfortable. once i finally am still i find i start itching, so annoying/crazy. so then i'm itching all over and trying to ignore that. and now of course, being pregnant i've got the belly... i usually would sleep on my stomach and now i've got to side angle it...
i also have to have on my nightstand- tissues, chapstick, water and an earplug. if i wake up to someone getting ready and can't fall back asleep i put an earplug in the 'side up' ear.
in addition- my hands can't touch my face at all, i wake up at least in the middle of the night to pee, i have to bobby pin my bangs off my face, i'd rather be cold than hot [only when sleeping that is], and i often shake my foot or leg to relax...
and i'm sure there's more. it's just so funny because i love to sleep and i do all this without even thinking, the only thing that's frustrating is trying to make my neck comfortable.
i'm sure i'm not unique though and i know everyone has their own sleep routines... so funny...
poor colin putting up with my getting up to pee all the time then tossing and turning....my only hope is that with age i'll care less instead of getting more particular!

happy new year!

2010-01-01T15:50:00.000-08:00

2010!!! so weird. so people born in 1992 will be 18 this year. aaa-whaaa?
i am almost 20 weeks preg and feeling good. she moves around a lot, i'm looking forward to being able to feel her on the outside of my belly! i think i felt her kick with my hand yesterday...prolly a couple more weeks..
saylor is in a BED! we did it after colin came home from his christmas tour, about a week before christmas... saylor was nervous, and yes i cried. he loved his crib so there was that part of me that was like 'why do this?! we should let him stay in there as long as he wants.' but the other part knew this is part of growing up and spreading your wings a little. our son is quite cautious and sensitive, so things like this will usually take encouraging and a bit of gentle pushing.. so the first night we started bedtime around 6:45 and talked it up and took our time... around 7:20 i began trying to convince him and he kept saying it was scary. so finally i just said 'i will hold you and you tell me when you're ready'.. so we stopped talking and just snuggled in the dark and finally at 7:45 he was ready and he curled up in his little butt-in-the-air ball and i walked out and was nervous all night.. he's never one to wake up in the middle of the night... but i didn't know if he'd wake up at 6am crying or something...we have a video monitor so i of course woke up around 7:50 and stared at it... he finally woke up and just started reading a book, as per usual... and so it has been ever since! when we walk in there he hops out, but he has not tried to get out on his own...yet. everyone tells me 'oh my child was like that too...at first' it seems most kids finally realize 'hey, i can get outta here on my own'.. selfish part of me is not looking forward to that, on the other hand we need to potty train him during bedtime so that will require at some point him getting out of bed to go to the bathroom...
anyway good to know he's doing great. so even when things are hard for child and parent... it's good to push through, you then realize it's not as hard as you imagined.
christmas was fun, he now knows the concept of gifts and talks about santa and sang christmas songs all month... tried to incorporate jesus into there too, of course. but he was great and it's heart melting and sweet and fun to give your child something and have them be so overwhelmed and excited and thankful..and this is for like.. a slinky from the target dollar bin..ha :) all the grandparents got him great gifts that are keeping him happy and busy these days.
we had an interesting new year. there's this art collective group thing called wild goose creative- they have this space and host things like cooking classes, art swaps, improv nights... fun stuff. so for the new year they had some performers [including our buddy john reuben] and our friends had some art on display.. i was excited to go and bummed that i was disappointed. the art was great and my favorite thing was that most of our friends were there...however it was SO loud. am i an old lady? perhaps. SO loud, no chairs! at all! and only bathroom was a port potty outside. there were a couple other pregnant mama's there and they managed ok so i don't wanna complain.. but i definitely sat on a cooler for awhile. and asked colin if we could leave at like 10:30 [and it started at 9]... we held out till midnight, and i'm glad, just because we got to 'ring it in' with our close friends... i was just bummed i was surrounded by such great people and any sort of talking required yelling..so no one could really talk. decided that i do enjoy concerts and dancing.. but not for new years... i think i prefer dinner and good face time with my loved ones!! anyway here's a couple pictures

should have stood to the side and held my belly so you could see it better :) me and our roommate alicia. loves.

our friend christen is an illustrator and she made this crazy squid painting for photos.. naturally! loved it...

saylor is 3!

2009-12-07T14:27:00.000-08:00

today i am 16 weeks pregnant with our baby girl, and saylor is 3!! how wonderful. i am finally feeling better for a couple months i was pretty miserable but the nausea only comes now if i really need to eat. my food aversions aren't nearly as bad as they were with saylor so that's great. and my son is great! he is so sensitive and soft-hearted i can't wait to see his love for his sister. i am way behind on this blog and i do plan to catch up! but i wanted to throw that quick update up there as we are celebrating today. yay!
3 years ago today [in about 2 hours] i delivered this beautiful, huge baby with an amazing black mohawk... our big cheeked unbelievably perfect baby... yummy! thank you lord.

a few things i love about my son these days

2009-10-19T17:18:00.001-07:00

he says sofee for soft, i LOVE it
he loves old disney movies- lady and the tramp, fantasia, bambi...
he tells/reminds me to put both hands on the wheel when i'm driving. [how he learned that's right to do i don't know. but it's funny]
he loves to 'turn the wheel' himself. could play in the car for hours.
he loves to sleep and play in his crib- he doesn't cry in the morning he wakes up laughing and talking...and will do so until i get him
he loves letters. he learned all his letters before he was two. and now he's learning rhyming, spelling and how do sign the alphabet. he practices a lot. the other day i was driving and he goes 'mommy what letter is this?' i look and see he's holding up his middle finger... not so much a letter buddy!
he loves to paint/draw...and is usually painting/drawing letters.
he loves to jump and fall and bang into things.. but otherwise is SO cautious. takes him awhile to warm up to things and while it's sometimes difficult i also think it's endearing; and it will be interesting to see how he grows. it's very similar to how i was and ties in to being quite sensitive.
he always asks/tells me to smile. and asks 'are you happy mommy?' - part of the sensitivity. if my voice quivers slightly-even if i'm being silly he gets upset 'mommy sad?! no mommy happy!'
he loves, loves to read
he enjoys getting his nails clipped, always sits patiently and even wants to learn to do it on his own
he has always held his peepee down when he goes potty.. sounds silly but i love it, i never had to do it or tell him to, he just always does. if you have a toddler boy you may understand this.
he sticks out his tongue when he knows i'm taking a picture, it's his way of smiling
he loves to clean- sweep, dust, whatever. if something spills he will clean it.
he loves to snuggle and he gives many spontaneous hugs and kisses.
spontaneous hug

reading in the car wearing the awesome headband craft he made in sunday school

always reading in bed

loves to play guitar and drums

colin with some fluffy hair

my boy

movies i was surprised i liked

2009-09-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

i love movies and books. always reading and always watching something...anyhow,in my humble opinion...movies i wasn't expecting to like...but did...

the women
all women cast, even the extras. it's actually a remake of a play,then a movie in the early 30's. i love debra messing! i'd like to own this one, as it fits my criteria of being able to watch it over and over.

17 again
rented this with a couple girlfriends and really didn't expect to even pay attention to it. but we laughed and laughed. the casting is great, the humor is great- similar to mean girls. i actually want to own this movie too.

then she found me
i don't remember how i came across this movie.. and i will say the first half of it i was wondering if i still liked it. but it's a great story and the ending it so beautiful..i fell in love. i've always loved helen hunt. my love of bette midler is confined to beaches..but she plays her character well.. great story.

georgia rule
i think i was most surprised by this one. grabbed it at the library and boredom was the only thing that made me give it a chance. it was so good. the actresses are brilliant they play their characters so so well. the story is heartbreaking.

honorable mentions: rachel getting married, ghost town

summer times

2009-08-27T09:34:00.000-07:00

someone took these pictures at a show hoh played on monday and sent them to me. love them! [my son's hair is out of control. all the time] colin also took these pics while i was unaware-

ah my boy...he definitely ran halfway on the stage for the first time... he was totally dancing like a free bird it was quite amusing then he took a few steps closer...then again, then again and i had to run out and grab him and he cried. awesome.
jared and noemi got married last saturday, it was lovely. hopefully get some pictures of that soon. it was a pretty perfect wedding.. i was a last minute sub bridesmaid and had no time to find anything cute so i was not fond of the dress/shoes i had to wear...definitely changed after the ceremony/pictures! we are so happy to have noemi in our family and excited for them to grow in marriage...

to blog or to tweet

2009-08-04T08:12:00.001-07:00

i thought twitter was pointless and stupid... could not understand it at all... and then i joined just to follow my husband and a few companies and now i enjoy it. kinda like the first time i watched arrested development- it was on tv, i was with friends who were all into it, laughing hysterically. i thought it didn't make sense, and so i didn't pay attention....now of course, i realize that arrested development is one of the best shows ever made. but that's my new excuse for not blogging as much, cuz i'm sending pics and mini updates on twitter... i can't update my life in 10 different ways, i get tired of repeating myself :) waiting for the technology where we just think a thought and it sends a text to our friends phone... god help us.
this chunk of colin being gone has been really hard for some reason. there was an exact moment where i just lost it. lost my patience, energy, sanity.... i'm hanging on by thread here, waiting for him to get home. saylor LITERALLY asks about every 10 minutes 'mommy?! where'd daddy go?'.. i keep saying a toddler is so much like an ederly person with alzheimer's! i think he just likes to keep asking about daddy and i used to pride myself on my patience and shake my head at people who lost their cool so easily with their child... oh, ignorant self. a toddler will test your patience...hourly....i've gotten so frustrated that i start shaking and then i'm laughing, like truly laughing out of frustration, i can't explain it but it feels like i'm going crazy. so there are good hours and awful hours... and i keep thinking of real single moms and yes it is truly the hardest job in the world and i'm so thankful for colin, when he is home he takes over and gives me so much freedom.
my son is awesome he is doing so many cute things right now, and overall i think he is a pretty good boy... but it is exhausting. and apologies to my friends who have seen me this last month- more frazzled than relaxed.
colin talks to him on the phone and sends pictures and videos- and skyping has been cute, saylor talks to him like crazy so that's sweet.... alright a few cute things he's doing-
he still does 'ah ah ah' the count laugh, every time he counts something... a lot of people are loving that
he often says 'i'm so sleepy again!' like he's surprised that he gets tired
he's singing all the time now his favorites being happy birthday and ring around the rosie
he has known all his letters since before he was two, which i guess is pretty advanced, and he's learning his numbers now. he loooves letters and numbers.
he tells stories now, i can ask him what he did in sunday school and he will tell me things! i love love this.
he loves and is devoted to his stuffed animals
everything is she... stuffed animals, trucks, people-he uses 'she', never 'he'
he loves to snuggle and give long hugs and kisses...mmmm

un-potty training and mustaches

2009-07-22T17:15:00.000-07:00

where have i been why am i not writing anymore? so much has happened. one being my son has stopped going on the potty. what in the world! never read this in the books. he was so happy, going all the time, never having accidents... and he just started holding his pee until nap/bedtime when i'd put a diaper on him. he would hold his pee for hours and hours! still wearing underwear, no accidents...but would NOT sit on the potty. he suddenly acted like it was fire and would cry 'i don't like it!!!!!' with the threat of UTI from holding his pee so much, i had to go back to diapers :(. it's a feeling of defeat, but they always say not to pressure them and i was starting to coerce and beg and it was getting ugly/annoying. so occasionally he will wear underwear...and just hold the pee. we are waiting for him to wake up in love with the potty again, and reading fun potty books and chatting it up like it's the funnest thing ever in the meantime.
have had some fun things this month, of course i just steal pictures..here's a million from our friend beckett's 3rd birthday party...it was a mustache theme, obviously.

beckett sharing some icing with saylor

saylor loved this baseball toy!! apparently it's on clearance at meijer and i may have to snag it....

lucy goose eyeing hoovie with confusion

with saylor's puppet buddy/doggy....i have a thing for puppets.

potty 'training'

2009-07-03T06:04:00.000-07:00

my son is in the midst of potty training! it's so amazing though i haven't really done any training at all per se [does renting potty dvds and books for him count?]- i've tried here and there, talking about it and letting him go naked with no success. but lo and behold a couple weeks ago i was running out of diaps and thought what the hey let's try this again. and he started going on there perfectly! we've yet to get some poo in there and he is still wearing diapers at nap and bedtime. that's the next step. but we can go out and about with no accidents he's great at holding it, or using his potty in a different place. i am in AWE of him i think i'm more impressed with this than when he started walking. so proud of him. of course the one time he poos in his underwear, i was in indiana with colin and my friend beth got to deal with it. he also pooed in his diaper during nap and stuck his hand in there and got it on his hands! i find this hilarious. he has NEVER done anything like that...saving the fun stuff for beth i guess. i also love that my child is a cautious clean kid- no he did not wipe his hands on a stuffed animal or go digging for more. he immediately started crying and saying 'wash hands, wash hands!' she went up there and he was just holding his hands out, not touching anything. awesome. so that's the next step, poo in the potty! this is probably gross for anyone who is not a parent.
couple more cute cali pictures

saylor's first visit to a beach- manhattan beach

out to dinner, saylor was perfect which is doubly impressive as his sleep was so screwed up. we let him have his paci the whole trip. i love how he's totally posing in this picture!

i love this picture. nimma took this of us on abbott kinney road outside of our friend's-friend's store urban paper boutique.

watching my friend julie's son kelton the other day... and that's my monstrous son on the right. holy crap-cow.

loves his yogurt

everyone's talking about MJ

2009-06-27T07:20:00.000-07:00

last thursday the 18th house of heroes did a quick interview with radiou while at the alive festival....the dj jared french asked them how they got permission to use the beatles songs for their EP. well, as you may know, michael jackson owns the publishing rights to most beatles songs. so house of heroes said 'oh, we killed michael jackson'... !!!!!! and jared french said 'you heard it right here. house of heroes killed michael jackson!' AAAAAH the irony the horrible irony. [upon remembering this yesterday they called radiou and asked to have that part removed from the interview...]

i am seriously quite frightened by what he actually looked like these past 5-10 years. i'd like to remember him with this nice skin color

a must see!!

2009-06-17T08:52:00.000-07:00

can't wait to see this! let us not be ignorant... let us be smarter, healthier, safer.... yum!

koebele wedding

2009-06-13T08:38:00.000-07:00

heather got married! one of my best friends, so close to my heart. she's so amazing and god finally gave her her beloved. their story is pretty amazing, though i don't feel like writing it all out, it is beautiful. and we've been waiting so long for nick! we love him and are so glad they are now one....
it was surely one of my favorite weddings. her best friends handed her flowers as she walked down the aisle to make up her bouquet. sweet idea though we were all crying so much it was funny. so it was literally all of us crying and laughing at the same time as we handed her flowers. it was a perfect evening..the weather was great and it was fun spending time with friends. the other highlight for me was i burnt my head with a sparkler. i have no idea how it happened, though we had wooden sparklers and apparently they can break easier than metal ones... our friend angie also burnt her head! but i felt a few sparks fly in my head and i spazzed out and kept trying to smack it out, feeling like my head was on fire.... and then a huge chunk of hair flew out. and yes, i have a bald spot now. and with me and angie....it was smelling like burnt hair everywhere. it was hilarious! i was laughing pretty hard but it hurt so bad i started crying too.. two times in one night of laughing/crying simataneously... so it felt like knife scraping my head for a few days and i've got a good size battle wound bald spot...random pictures as again i never seem to take pictures anymore... so i just have to steal people's....i was excited about my dress- i got it at a vintage store here in westerville called cinda lou... so it was a straight up vintage 70's dress, fun.

one of my favorite families, showing only two of the 10 grandchildren. love the harts!

our favorite twins

jen's daughter bella putting makeup on me...i look funny and i think this is the face i make when i put makeup on myself. haha

i love these because i don't think they realized i had the sunglasses on in the first picture...then they decided to be stupid in the second one but i didn't catch that....

beautiful cake by lindsey rike, beautiful topper by christen nelson...yum!!

heather and nick koebele

books

2009-06-08T11:30:00.000-07:00

books i'm into...
Taking Charge of Your Fertiliy

a must read for every woman! why aren't doctors telling us this information!?! this book was a total 'aha moment' for me. easy to read, i couldn't put it down. BUY it!

Natural Cures 'They' Don't Want You to Know About

just getting into it, kinda interesting, i think it's worth reading. this guy is super passionate, and for good reason.

what i'm looking forward to reading
Sacred Marriage

on the cover it says 'what if god designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?' love it! have had some friends recommend this. and ok, i checked it out from the library and had to return it before i could read it. because ok, yes i read tori spelling's mommywood first... so now i have it on reserve again and i will read it this time!!

lazy homebody

2009-05-29T12:18:00.000-07:00

i'm an extrovert that prefers to be home! if something's going on i want to be a part of it, but at the same time i'm longing for my bed. and i really prefer smaller groups, although there's definitely times where a big party is in order. i feel like i still have one foot hanging out in the not-yet-parents group. we are fortunate to have grandparents that take saylor often, and friends that welcome saylor anytime we need to bring him... but there are times and there are people who are definitely more free and i think it's only natural to look at them a little wistfully. our cali trip worked out reeeeally well but of course it would have been easier without a toddler in tow. and of course i recalled all too fondly those days without the responsibility of a child. it so much mirrors a relationship with Christ though. i honestly don't have much responsibility. i don't work a typical job, i don't have a bunch of commitments to people... i'm actually feeling the weight of commitment as we've started this new small group. i almost want to resist but i know responsibility, commitment, hard work- this brings about good character and builds faith. and i'm due for some of this. my nature is to be lazy. i don't have the drive that some people do, honestly. and while i know the lord works in all things- so my hangout lunch with a friend can have an impact in the kingdom, my snuggling with saylor is building him up... i know god isn't gonna let me off the hook so easily! i think we are always called to dig deeper, DO more...things that are out of our 'comfort zone' absolutely yes! ... all these thoughts and you know what- having children- while again is great, has given me an 'out'. a way to easily turn down commitments, keep us out of small group, even keep us from going to church every week. so. i'm ready to do and learn some more, lord. actually i'm scared to say that and kinda want to retract it.... but i'll keep giving it to him, and in the meantime here we are wanting baby number 2. pregnancy/newborn stages... they definitely take you out of the loop socially. my prayer is lord, use me more, beyond my home and my friends- i want to serve you.

californianess

2009-05-27T10:03:00.001-07:00

we had such a great time! it's hard to sum it up, but i'll try to recap a bit, mostly for my own sake. we made some great memories. we arrived wednesday morning-saylor was perfect on the flights out there. [a guy behind us asked 'is he always this happy? and a flight attendent said he was the cutest thing she'd ever seen and gave us cookies] though i feel like we had 'external' attack- i swear this is what often happens when my emotions and relationships are doing well, and the enemy wants to mess around with me. colin and i had a great first year of marriage relationship wise- we were so happy- but we were constantly under attack- sickness, car broken into, car accident, blahblah. so on this trip- i had bought a tent for saylor to sleep in that didn't arrive in time, the portable dvd player i brought wasn't working properly, colin got really sick as soon as we got there, i got a nasty cut on my leg and a bad sunburn, the airport lost my stroller on the way home... but seriously all that and i was still having the best time. you just have to go with the flow and choose to have fun anyway sometimes. we got to see so many great friends and make some new ones as well. saylor was SO excited to see colin-ran up to him and wouldn't let go. wed and thurs we hung out in san jose. friday we got to meet noemi's family, and then we spent the weekend at chris and angie's, some close friends of ours that recently moved out there. our friend nimma was with us for the weekend as well... saturday was a hangout day, we walked around and went to venice beach [where i was 2 seconds from my cousin but we didn't connect in time to get together. bummer!]. here are a couple pictures from the marina beach we also went to- saylor is playing with javin-little boy of friends of chris and angie. he is SO cute! his parents own a couple stores that are pretty sweet-julia roberts and reese witherspoon are frequent customers [so much name dropping can be done! i'm trying to refrain]

sidenote-i actually wore my contacts the whole trip, i swear. except for when this picture was taken. haha. grr i hate glasses. and contacts! saturday night saylor was baby-sat by angie's friend frederique so we could all go to one of their shows. frederique is this little french woman, best accent ever! and saylor loved her. got to see jen, jen, dustin and nate at the show and that was nice.
sunday was spirit west coast where we got to see some more friends and hang out.
food/restaurants i enjoyed- pomodoro- SO good and great prices!, pinkberry [frozen yogurt], in-n-out [had to get it], french market cafe- a perfect place.
random sayings that made me laugh hysterically and won't be funny to anyone else, but i wanted to write them down so i don't forget---
tim: katie, am i in your top 20 friends? name all your friends, go! katie: ok, katie, michelle, aj.... all of us: laugh and what? you're friends with yourself??
chris calling pomodoro for directions: hi is this the uh... restaurant? ... he then carried on trying to explain himself as he couldn't remember the name of the restaurant we were going to, it was hilarious..
me, caught off guard by a small rat looking dog:oh! he's...cute.. cool california dog owne: thanks... walks away and turns back,sheepish: we didn't know he was going to be this small! --that made me laugh forever. someone embarrassed of their dog! and i picture him and his wife or whatever, they get the dog and their like.. ooh. he's so small. um...... haha!
and then katie saying i have a unique [read:big!] nose and then saying someone once told her: girl, you have got the smallest nose i have ever seen!... haha! who would SAY that to someone!? hilarious.
saylor was whiny on one of the flights home, he was SO exhausted and i was at the end of my rope with him too.... he fell asleep on the way home from the airport and then slept from 6pm-10am. 16 hours!!!! haha! then a 3 hour nap. then slept until 9:30 today as well, after going to bed at 7. he's very happy to be home and in his own bed....as am i!!

packing up

2009-05-17T18:53:00.000-07:00

traveling with a toddler takes thrice as much effort.... i have done too much shopping and list making, but i'm enjoying it. saylor is very excited, hopefully he does well. he really has been amazing [read: behaving well] these past couple weeks without his daddy here. of course my mood affects his mood tremendously- yesterday i realized our flight home was booked out of san jose- and we need to fly home from san diego. i honestly don't know how this happened. i'm pretty organized and thorough.... anyway this little mistake cost us $645. oh yes. ouch ouch ouch. oh yes, and colin got a $140 speeding ticket yesterday. LORD grrrrr! i get mad if i spend $3 on a bag of chips that i don't like.... soooo. i kept breaking down in tears, but then saylor would burst into tears saying 'mommy happy!' he didn't want me sad! our whole day yesterday was exhausting. i was on the phone for a good four hours trying to figure it out and get the best deal. i was told by american airlines that cheaptickets had canceled my flight right after i booked it... so that is fishy. the whole thing just blows. i don't understand it, but i have to get over it! aaaaggh ok yah i can't think about it.
otherwise we are excited- colin is literally going to notice a dramatic change in saylor's talking- he is talking so much more! he talks about daddy everyday...

this is my mom's fire pit she got for mother's day. kinda a lonely-ish mother's day- colin gone, my sister had to work [she's a NICU nurse], my brother was at school, colin's parents are in africa... anyway we still had a nice time- though saylor is pantless because about 10 minutes before this picture was taken he threw up all over me and himself. we aren't sure why, he was happily enjoying graeter's then started crying... he may have choked on something? so sad!! of course he was immediately all better after throwing up...

enjoying his new carseat and his 'my first airplane ride' book- we checked out two books about flying and both of them end with the boy seeing his grandma... weird only to me?
i cut his hair last week too. which i think everyone would agree that's something i shouldn't do. but it turned out decent! i think.
..saylor says 'mommy talk airplane' as he wants me to keep telling him all about it. and he says he will be a 'good boy, quiet' on the plane.... we will see!

american idolness

2009-05-12T17:07:00.000-07:00

i started watching when they got to their top 12....and this whole time i've been rooting for adam. makeup and hair aside, his voice is amah-zing! brilliant. and they way her performs them.... love it. then i find some background info on the contestants.
now they are in the final three and of course it appears adam will win. and most of me goes- HE SHOULD WIN. the contest is based on talent of course. ...adam has colorful [literally..as in costumes and such] background and he is gay. another finalist is danny gokey- a worship pastor who lost his wife four weeks before american idol began. he started a foundation in his wife's name....
again the contest is based on talent, but lately i can't help think about what i support- what i encourage.... i'm not even voting anyway but i think that's something to think about. i don't judge adam in any way, i do not personally know him.. but wouldn't it make sense to want the christian to get his name and influence out there? not that non-christian's can't positively impact our world, though that's a whole other post...at the same time, i do not EVER want to be a christian that excludes people that aren't believers..i think it's scary/dangerous and just plain wrong to live in a bubble like that. ON the other hand.... i've always cringed watching american idol, these often innocent small-town kids crying and so strongly desiring to live their dream. the dream is never a reality, so often it's heartbreaking rather than amazing. i also hate how 'fame' changes people... SO hard to stay level-headed in music industry. so part of me wants danny to do his little american idol tour, then go home and stay with his family and church....
regardless, adam has got it. he's there. he was already a performer... the Lord knows all of us, all of our days.. but i think of how much harder is it to find Jesus when you are in an industry surrounded by 'yes' men...

***edit: aaah adam's voice is too freaking ridiculous, my vote is his***

cali for nia

2009-05-05T20:22:00.000-07:00

the guys are gone, and so far saylor has been great, and my friends keep coming over and keeping me company so that's nice.
wanted to post about my diagnosis- i'm so sick of thinking and talking about this though i think it's good to have written out a map of my symptoms over the past few months... so in a nutshell---i had an ENG, caloric stimulation test on my ears- very interesting, had to wear these crazy camera goggles, they blew hot and cold air in my ear and made me count and asked me random questions while measuring my eyes and ear stuff. and they found something! i have a %30 weakness in my left ear. this doesn't measure hearing but the weakness is in the inner ear related to balance and such. the test is supposed to make you dizzy and your eye and ear responses should be equal and mine were not. anything %25 or greater is considered abnormal. they said as i am just at %30 it could be more aggravating cuz my brain isn't working hard enough to compensate the variance. so that could account for my nausea and lightheadedness. the doctor also gave me a diagnosis of MAV, migraine associated vertigo. [with the secondary diagnosis of a viral infection that caused the weakness]. it wasn't a perfect answer, with xyz is what's happening and xyz is what you can do about it... but i'm willing to take it and move on. she actually recommends anti-anxiety meds to help treat MAV as it helps with these migraines. i am currently taking celexa and want to get off it when i am pregnant-am praying my symptoms don't increase when this happens. my symptoms have gotten better as i've been on it for a few months [primarily the brain fog and nausea]. so we will pray. these migraines can be without headaches- so when i experience motion/light sensitivity and nausea- it is considered a migraine of sorts....
katie and i have booked a trip to cali to visit the guys!! yippee. california is my favorite state and i haven't been there for 5 years. i am taking saylor too so it's going to be...an adventure. i think he wil do good though. we are just going from the 20th-25th but we'll get to go to a couple shows, have a day off with them and hang out with some friends in cali. we have many friends there and i have a bunch of family there too. we also plan to meet up with jared's fiance noemi. saylor's gonna be tired and out of whack with the time change but i think it's going to be great and i'm gonna find myself talking about moving there.. i know people will be trying to recruit us! :)...if only it was right next to ohio!

new things

2009-04-29T05:41:00.000-07:00

yesterday brought two exciting ideas for me. last night we went to our friends house with some people to discuss a new homegroup. we haven't really been in a homegroup since saylor was born-and prior to that we'd always been in one, since we first met. actually i think colin started attending and leading worship at the homegroup i was going to because he liked me.
so we value homegroup but it's hard with a baby. at first we could not keep him up that late and eventually i felt he could stay up a little later but there didn't seem to be any groups with childcare that we were interested in going to... a lot of our friends are getting married, but not too many of them have kids yet. anyway our church recognizes 4 types of groups- support/recovery, bible study, i forget the 3rd :), and relational. ours will be relational- every other week [people with kids like every other week!] we will meet for dinner- the kids are a part of this- they can run around and play and such. another week of the month will be a night of prayer/worship. then we also will do community service in any way- mowing a lawn to feeding the homeless, whatever. i'm excited for that cuz...i like helping people! and saylor did great last night- the only other children right now are my friend mary's kids kian and jonah- jonah's an infant and goes to bed early. kian is 2 months younger than saylor and way smart and awesome, i love him. he was rolling over at like 2 weeks, walked at a super early age- climbed out of his crib, already potty trained, talks in full sentences.... and him and saylor are becoming good buddies. which brings me to my second exciting [reaaaally only exciting to me] idea. kian is a little guy and was climbing out of his crib at a young age. so they decided to have him sleep---- in a tent! she had told me about this but i hadn't seen it yet. i fell in love with it last night, as much as one can love a tent. and i'm not an outdoorsy person. so i have no prior fondness for tents.

i love it because saylor likes to be enclosed. he wants to be in his crib or packnplay. and whenever we get pregnant again i don't want to have to force him to a bed if he's still happy with a crib. the tent is a great transition. saylor loved the tent! he kept saying he wanted to go ni-night in there. also yes, i like keeping him enclosed cuz he can wake up and play and i can sleep for another half hour or whatever. that what we often do now- he just wakes up and plays in his crib until i get him. the biggest reason i like it though is it's perfect for colin's parents house. they love having saylor over but he's quickly growing out of the little crib they have. she tried putting him to sleep in a little fold out bed but he refused. mostly the layout of their house is a concern. they have a sweet house, everyone should come over and hangout there sometime :)- right now saylor's crib is in their closet. and they have a little bed up in the loft that they planned to transition saylor to. there are also a couple bedrooms downstairs but that is pretty far away from colin's parent's room. my concern was he'd wake up and either be wandering downstairs, or up in the loft. both i'm not really comfortable with. so yay! they can put the tent in the loft. i told my mom about this and she feels like i'm caging him in- she also thought it was crazy that i swaddled him tightly until he was 6 months old- but the kid loves it. and i put toys in his bed and he's quite content to hangout and have some alone time. and what kid wouldn't want to sleep in a tent every night?!?! fun.
colin's leaving this weekend and i'm trying to prep but we are quite busy this week. i mostly need to get to the grocery. i like to try to stock up so i don't have to do a big trip while he's gone.... looking forward to may being over with and june arriving... and colin coming home just in time for heather and nick's wedding!!

diagnosis?

2009-04-18T07:32:00.000-07:00

i've written off and on about feeling sick for the past few months. it's really hard to explain, and it still hasn't gone away. it's unbelievably frustrating and often scary. the main symptoms are nausea and lightheaded/headaches. it is quite debilitating. i don't have the energy or desire to do much as it exacerbates my symptoms [loud noises, bright lights, focusing on people makes my head swim and makes me nauseated]. from looking online the best answer i could come up with is some sort of inner ear disorder and yesterday a neurologist said he thinks that's what it could be. i had an MRI yesterday that came back looking good so now they want to test me for this inner ear thing. what i think it could be is called vestibular neuronitis and it says it usually clears up in 1-4 weeks or something but sometimes it lingers for months or years. i think it could be this as in the fall i had an ear infection then later my left ear was swollen and they didn't know why. so i think i somehow got some sort of virus that didn't clear up. i just want an ANSWER. i want a doctor to be able to confirm whatever it is and then help me.
we want to get pregnant again so i'm annoyed that my symptoms haven't fully cleared so when i'll get pregnant i'll just continue to feel nauseous, and i worry that my symptoms will worsen with pregnancy. i also am concerned about getting pregnant then the doctor prescribes some antibiotic or medicine that i can't take during pregnancy. my ear tests are next week but i don't have an appt with this specific doctor until the end of june. i cried when they told me that's the soonest i can get in. i do not want to wait that long- i know i haven't described this super well but if you think of it please pray-for healing first of all, and then that i can meet this doctor sooner than the end of june. that i will find definite answers and remedies soon.
saylor is amazing he learns new things everyday. yesterday i taught him the word 'sharp' and we talked about sharp objects. it's just fascinating to me, this age- they are sponges. i am so impressed with all he's constantly learning and i love his everyday he talks more clear and puts more words together. he loves having 'jare-bear' living with us. we love it too- hard to explain but it just works great for us, having a roommate. it goes along our lines of desiring community and sharing and all that too. after jared gets married we plan to have our friend alicia move in with us.
sun! warmth! windows open! flip flops! skirts! my favorite!

puking and sleeping mysteries

2009-04-03T17:02:00.000-07:00

of course my son only throws up when colin is out of town. every time saylor has thrown up, colin has not been home. this morning i woke up at 8:45 and saylor was still quiet in his room. usually he's talking and such and i make a point to get him out of the crib by 8:45. i go in there and he is covered in puke. he says 'i poo poo'. aw no buddy you didn't, you threw up! so sad! i don't know when he did it but i was sad i didn't even hear it! apparently it didn't bother him as he musta slept in it for awhile. had to wash his blankets and stuffed animals twice to get the smell out. but he seemed fine today, only really wanted to eat [holly's] banana muffins so he had 3.
so mystery one, why does my son only throw up when colin's not here to partake in the process?
mystery two-not so much a mystery as much as a discovery... or something. for as long as colin and i have been married, we've always slept on the same side of the bed, regardless of where we've lived or how the room was arranged. although every time he's gone i would always sleep on his side. well we moved and i let colin arrange everything in the house because again i cannot say enough how visual i am not. it would be hilarious for me to attempt to set up furniture or even pictures and clocks in a house.... when we were moving we were just sitting in our room with our friend nick. colin was standing at his desk, our friend nick was sitting on colin's desk chair and i was laying on the floor. we were sitting there for a good 20 minutes, half hour... suddenly i'm like 'colin, where's your desk chair?!'... silence.. they just waited for me to figure it out. i had not even realized nick was sitting on it. i know this happens to people occasionally and it's funny but this happens to me all the time. we were at our house 4 or 5 times until i finally noticed jared's room had purple walls and purple carpet, and i only noticed because someone else pointed it out. i really don't think i really see things like everyone else. i have selective things i notice i guess.
so colin determined where our bed would go and he decided which side we would sleep on- me on the side closest to my closet and dresser and his side next to his desk and closet... but that would mean we were on opposite sides of the bed! i protested for approx. 10 seconds.... and now we've discovered the switch is much better! this is a really pointless story but it's history in our marriage so i'm writing about it anyway.. ahem. so now i'm on the left if i'm just sitting on my side, but if you're standing looking at the bed it's the right. how do you decide what side it's called? anyway a few weeks ago before we moved colin started putting a body pillow between us when we slept. if he did this our first year of marriage i probably would have yelled and cried at him but now i just laughed. the fact is i'd been kicking him like crazy and pushing him off the side of the bed in my sleep. we both kept waking up kicking each other. the body pillow was a barrier to me [from me?] and it worked pretty good. it was like having a baby there i knew i couldn't cross it. first night in our new house i said no body pillow tonight, come ont! and what do you know, i don't kick him anymore! one could say the pillow has conditioned me... but i really think all along i should have been sleeping on this side and i was fighting to get there.. and now that i'm here... it's like. feng shui. or something.
anyhow. my friend julie locked her baby in her car at my house tonight. it was pretty funny. i could relate as i did that with saylor last year. ok so all along one of my doors was unlocked. but still same scenario. flipping out, baby's crying. fire trucks arrive, feel kinda silly. at least her's was legitimate! mine ended in 'um, this door's unlocked'. funny.

saylor words and tangent

2009-03-30T06:33:00.000-07:00

bah-blank - blanket
plop-plop- lollipop
wah-woh- water
oh-gurk- yogurt
bah-bleehy- blueberry
ah-sauce- applesauce
bah-bucks- starbucks
woh-rop- robot
ah-callo- avacado
pyeeah-yo- piano
tah-taw- guitar
mah-monce- monsters
say-yoh-saylor
leh-yo- yellow
leh-lo- little
assy-boo- pacifier. although i just asked him to say pacifier and he said it perfectly. assy-booh is his 'nickname' for it.
anything that ends with an M or an N he adds a T to it. he always says 'come on!' but it sounds like 'come ont!' colin and i started saying it that way too, naturally.
he doesn't use the letter S if it is the first letter. so 'skip' is gip. [he always wants us to skip 'scary' parts in movies like monsters, inc.]. snow is no,scoop is goop, and smoke is moke. [from all those cigars he sees all the men in his life smoking]
he's taking longer to learn how to talk than some of our friends kids but he's quickly catching up. and he certainly is smart- knows all his letters [many of them in sign language as well]. he understands everything said to him, of course. and he is using 3-4 word sentences now. i LOVE IT! i've always loved talking to little kids because they say the most random things. i can't wait to do that with saylor. right now if you ask him a question he just answers with 'huh' or thinks about it and gives a one word answer, like 'what did you and daddy do today?' he will think then say 'play' and smiles coyly.
he's loving our new house for the most part. when we leave to go somewhere he keeps saying he wants to go back to the house. and he's been sleeping/napping perfectly. in the morning he's been a little unsure... ok he's been throwing huge fits. i think he doesn't want to be in a room by himself! he's used to being in very close quarters with us. so if i need to go in the kitchen real quick he's whining and following me. and he just doesn't know what he wants to do so he starts crying and saying a bunch of different things 'aaah, outside!... aah, play. pretzels! socks on!' but as i write he's running in circles and he told me he's happy. just takes him a little bit in the morning. hopefully this doesn't last long. he never really throws fits and i don't know how to respond! we usually completely ignore him and he stops fairly quickly knowing he won't get a reaction. but with the big fits they just don't stop. i don't want to threaten without following through.... tantrums are really fun if you are at, say, target. this happened last night. fortunately colin was with me but we got several lovely 'looks'. i know colin and i don't look like the typical 'mom and dad' too so that makes people's looks more condescending. although when saylor's hamming it up and charming it makes people smile even bigger-maybe they are surprised we are parenting...
we are settled in our new house and enjoying it. so grateful so all the people that helped us.

love your husband

2009-03-19T14:03:00.000-07:00

colin and i are both sick. now as far as energy exerted today i think he's spent more- had had to go to a radio station then practice, then whole foods.. and i only had ella for a half day and she mostly napped and then i took a quick trip to meijer. [we are always playing games on who is more tired or who works harder...ha]
i'm laying here on the couch and can't move and colin says he will 'make dinner' [fishsticks] for saylor. so im watching him cut up the fishsticks 'the wrong way' and not immediately dip them in ketchup to cool them off as i do and i'm about to tell him to do that and thank goodness i catch myself. i would have been nice, and colin would have put the sticks in the ketchup--but it's totally unnecessary to say anything!
so many parents are stressed raising their little children. and not that colin and i don't have our moments but for some reason we are in a good rhythm [so far....] and i think a big thing that is important to remember is that both of you are raising them. so there will be two different ways of doing things. and women in general will always have a better idea of how many diapers are left, when their last bath was, what they've eaten today. we just will. and we need to cut the guys some slack. men need to be built up and feel like they are the MAN of the house. so i don't need to get on colin for the way he parks, or for leaving a light on.-- so colin doesn't change his diaper or forgets to feed him.... me nagging him will not make colin remember better, nor will it make him feel confident in his parenting. saylor wears a dirty diaper an hour longer than i would have let him- gasp. not the end of the world.
i just read kate gosselin's book- kate of 'jon and kate plus 8'. they are christians and i read the book in a couple days, fun book, easy read. then i got online and watched a couple episodes as i don't watch it much since we don't have cable. and i just hate hate the way kate treats jon. and i know- i've only seen a few episodes and i know we are only seeing a small piece of their life, and i knooow she has 8 small kids. but. i still cringe when i see the way she talks down to him. it makes me want to cry! thank goodness she is organized and precise, that comes in handy with all those kids-but it's a strength and a weakness i think.. anyway i really hate assumptions about people in the public eye and i hate negative gossip- i believe they are christians and i believe they love each other. ok sorry that was a tangent.
and to go a step further- when colin tells me to be sure to put my dishes away or roll his eyes that i forgot to put the clothes in the dryer, whatever- even if he isn't pleasant about it- how much easier things are when my response is a sincere apology. instead of defense. i've been making a point to do that lately.
all this to way- our husbands will treat us better when we encourage and love on them more! ok colin made him those fishsticks and i asked him to get saylor a drink as well- he did not. and you know what- he even left the oven on. he leaves the oven on a lot!! and i'm going to choose to laugh about that rather than belittle him. i remember that colin offered to get dinner for saylor and let me stay on the couch. and that's what i'm going to go thank him for.

dentistry and origami

2009-03-13T14:47:00.000-07:00

our good parents and lovely dental hygienist friend are always telling us to go to the dentist. and we always shrugged it off. no one else goes! i brush my teeth aaalll the time! i'm always drinking water. i don't think soda....or eat like.. carmel. but since i've been to 70 different doctors as of late i'd figure i'd tack on ye olde dentist as well. perhaps they'd have insight on my dizziness? well she couldn't say much about that but she did tell me i had about 75 cavities. how embarrassing! i don't even want to admit the real number! i made colin swear not to tell anybody but then i of course told everyone cuz as horrible as it is, it's pretty funny too. although here on my blog i'm just going to say 75. let it be known that the number is not far off from that. cringe!
fortunately we really enjoy our new dentist [colin had 3 cavities] so the hours i spent there were well spent. as in me laughing as she's giving me a filling and wanting so bad to contribute to their conversation but unable....as my mouth was open. my mouth has been so numb and disfigured this week. i don't numb very easily [perhaps that's why the epidural didn't work!??!] so after they figured that out they gave me some double dose extra strength stuff that left me crazy numb and sore all day. so that's been a trip. dentist, CHECK! all done. go to the dentist people!! so glad they filled my cavities while most of them were still very small.
monday night i went to a craft night some of my girlfriends have every week. i may be the least artistic of all my friends.... but i try. a few people were knitting, a couple were figuring out how to make a skirt, and a few of us were making origami. one of our friend's husband works at honda so he travels to japan occasionally- we had the real deal origami paper. that did not help me. they had figured it out and were popping out all these cute hearts and dresses and cranes... one girl had even made a nativity set of origami... here is one of mine.
what the camel was supposed to look like.

my camel

oh we were laughing so hard we were crying. i also made a retarded swan and a tulip that looks half way decent until you realize what it's really supposed to look like. all in all... it was awesome and i want to try again!!
saylor pointed to my camel and said 'goat!...uh doggy!...horse!...uh...shirt' good guess bud...i'd say yes for all of the above.

lotsa pictures

2009-03-08T17:19:00.000-07:00

on saturday we spent the afternoon with colin's cousin and their 3 little kids. they have two boys that are less than a year apart and they have been giving us boxes of clothes after their boys outgrow them [the boys will be 4 and 5 this year]. we are so grateful for the clothes! between that, clothes bought and given to us from friends and family and all the awesome clothes we've been borrowing from auggie we've rarely had to buy anything! i mean really i think i've bought less than 10 clothing items for saylor. that's amazing!
the boys played so well together! saylor had a blast. their kids are so well behaved too. colin's cousin bobby was in iraq for a couple years and his wife raised two toddler boys by herself for awhile. and then got pregnant with their 3rd, and they were living on a 3rd floor apartment! that's always amazing to me. two toddlers and pregnant... alone. 3rd floor. can you imagine grocery shopping? KUDOS katelynn. the boys were similar to colin and jared when they were younger - the older one [colin] being a ham and vying for attention while the younger one is quieter is ok not being in the spotlight like jared was. so cute.

we walked to a candy store, ryan enjoyed making saylor laugh hysterically

seriously there were 4 little kids running around and it was so peaceful. they all played so well!... saylor was of course worn on out the ride home. if i don't have a blankie for him i let him snuggle with my scarf or cardigan.

random-colin and i saw a license plate on the drive that said mncoon. i'm easily amused and license plates easily distract me... this one made us laugh, all we could come up with was MANCOON. we looked at the driver and concluded, yah, that's a mancoon if you ever saw one. I GUESS...?!
and a couple more pics of saylor-
hanging out at our hangout spot. starbucks

saylor can't be in the sanctuary at church without being on the stage for a bit, usually at the drums [like father...]. i grew up in a smaller church where everyone knew each other and i value that. so i really am grateful that though our church has something like 8000 members, our circle of friends contains like half of the staff at vineyard- so it makes it feel smaller or more intimate for us. so saylor runs up to the stage today and loves on jeff then played on the keys for a bit..

the cats on my lap

2009-03-05T11:19:00.000-08:00

purring machine...too bad we are probably going to give her away. would anyone like a cat named munki? she is awesome. but the house we are moving into prefers no pets... and i'm allergic... plus she is hardly getting the attention she deserves anymore [you swear your devotion to your pet won't change with children...but it does :(... ] we will be having jared and his awesome cat leonidas living with us for a few months which will be cool because leonidas is fat and funny, good combo. the house is a go! we move in end of march. i kept trying not to buy groceries so we could eat what we have in our cupboards but it's getting bad so we are making one more trip to t-joe's today...
i am reading a pretty interesting book called '23 minutes in hell' by bill wiese. colin's mom owns it and lent it to me... i was skeptical when i started it- the guy said he woke up in the middle of the night and the lord put him in hell- for 23 minutes. it sounds crazy but i believe it now. the guy is completely sincere and the lord has used his story in a great way. it's not a all a scare tactic and glorifying hell- it's definitely more about jesus loving us and wanting to rescue us from hell. i struggle with accepting the lord's love and fully trusting him so the idea of eternal damnation feeds into that- but it's finally clicking with me that the lord loves us and desperately wants us to be saved and NOT to go to hell. not like i pictured him happy about people going to hell... but ya know. my question is can't God destroy satan and his dominion? i think when jesus returns he will destroy satan but isn't he thrown into a...lake of fire or something? so will all people remain in hell then? i think, if God is all powerful and can defeat satan, why does he let this evil remain- for eternity? i'll see what the rest of the book says and obviously i'm sure i could read the bible and more books for answers...just thinking.
we have some close friends/family going through some rough patches right now. not to mention the crazy anxiety period i went through as well.... it's been hard, there aren't even answers to the problems that are being faced. but i've been grateful to have jesus and i've been learning how to trust him and lean into him. and that's been good. but if anyone feels like praying for our friends... even with names and situations unknown i believe the lord will hear your prayer. thank you! and now... cat pictures. sorry if you hate cats.
munki in all her glory

and a few of king leonidas..he has more pictures taken of him now because he is loved more than munki right now.

just playin'a little x-box

and my personal favorite... the sink one

house

2009-02-25T17:30:00.000-08:00

well the parking ticket people were not amused by my plea. they said suck it up you still have to pay. this is unusual for me i am stupidly good at getting out of owed money..or getting things for free, or getting stuff for less money. i think part of my aggressiveness comes from working in collections for victoria's secret for awhile. got pretty good at being authoritative on the phone. funny because in general i don't like to talk on the phone that much. [except with colin. and family].
we found a house! thank you lord. we wanted to stay in w-ville and we were wanting at least 3 bedrooms....and we had a price limit/we wanted to rent. we've been searching for a couple months now and a friend found this place for us. it's even closer to my mom's house so that's kinda funny but i like it [for baby-sitting purposes at the very least!]. we are now about a 5 minute walk to my parents, a 30 second drive....
it has a huge yard, and huge bedrooms... it's owned and rented out by this church which is kinda sweet. colin's played shows at the church before- and i even went to VBS [vacation bible school!] there growing up. anyone else do vacation bible school? i loved it. that being said, it's a cool church and i had prayed for a cool landlord and here the lord gives us a church as landlords. i think that is funny. we are 95% sure we are moving there so if it somehow doesn't work out just ignore all this.... assuming it does work we may also have our brother jared live with us until he gets married [in august]. which i think could be a good situation all around....
pictures from teena's wedding...i keep saying i want to start taking more pictures and then i don't. so i just borrow pictures from friends.... only one random picture of the bride, but i loved her dress! maybe i'll find some more pics of her. very happy for them. some of my treasured BFF's- amber, heather and carriane.

and a couple of saylor
his newfound love for vegetables- particularly tomatoes and avocados

and this is him at starbucks, he was having a REALLY good hair day. couldn't fully capture it on camera of course... but it made me want to cut off all my hair.. [i'm trying to grow my hair out..sometimes i miss super short hair]

25

2009-02-21T18:10:00.000-08:00

well i turned 25 on wednesday. good times. i actually do feel older and i can't say that to anyone without them laughing because 99% of my friends are older than me... but i think because i am used to having friends so much older i always feel 18... or 21... and they were always in their mid-twenties and now i'm catching up. [and my friends are in their 30's! aah] i feel the need to have more kids and move to a bigger place but not in an anxious way, more like a fun-to-think-about way.
didn't celebrate my b-day in any huge way- carri and heath made me some pizza and all watched lost. i feel like we are going to a party for something or another every week and so i felt no need to make another hoopla- especially for me because i don't really like attention like that!
SO this week, me, 25..older, wiser... i will share a text between me and amber as we drove home last night from christina and seth's wedding.

me- ive been picking my nose more and more lately. its really becoming an awful [satisfying] habit!

amber-i have 2 agree w the satisfying part. i don't know what made u send that text but while i was in the car w stephen i picked my nose and had nowhere 2 wipe it so i put it in the backfloor under the mat. stephen doesn't know.

me- that. is hilarious! well i thot of it because i was picking my nose in the car! i put it in a napkin i found. i just thot ud appreciate my new habit.

ok so me and amber, all dressed up from a wedding, driving home with our husbands and both of us are picking our noses... i love it i love it.

i'm always the toad in mario kart

2009-02-15T16:29:00.000-08:00

i don't know why i haven't been as consistent lately! i'm thinking more than ever maybe it seems too daunting to write it all out.
i will tell our fun valentine's day story. we had a lovely dinner date with nick and heather at basi italia, this great little restaurant downtown. little, as in it seats maybe 30 people tops. it is like one tiny little room in a house. but the food, oh my goodness! ah-mazing. colin and i did some shopping at urban outfitters and then headed over to basi. we saw they offered valet parking but we managed to find a great parking spot right by the restaurant. we saw a no parking sign but i checked and [i thought] it said no parking 5am-5pm. i asked colin to check it and he did, then i looked again and we were like sweet and went to eat. we made jokes with nick and heather about getting valet parking and then they just drive your car 3 feet away from you..... well no not so much. we came out and had a parking ticket. the sign said 5pm-5am. what?! how did we both not realize that!? so i just laughed what else can you do. so we all drove to jeni's ice cream [the best ice cream in the world] and i literally said 'wouldn't it be funny if we got another parking ticket?' i didn't say wouldn't it suck. i said wouldn't it be funny. was i asking for it?!!?!? so we see another 5pm-am sign but avoided that sucker cuz we learned our lesson. we found a meter and were sure we've parked there several times before to go to mac's. we put in our change and we looked around and made sure everything was cool but again, no, not so much. we come back to another parking ticket! there was a sticker ON the meter that said no parking 6pm-10am. what the h?! how did we miss that? i could not stop laughing. there was the little twinge of crap this sucks and we are so totally poor right now [tickets were each $40] but the stupidness of it all made it too funny. but i am going to try to write a sob story letter and try to at the very least get one ticket voided. [betcha i can do it.]
the rest of the evening was nice, hanging out with some friends. saylor spent the night with colin's parents and they actually had him the whole day on saturday. so when we got to church this morning we hadn't seen him for over 24 hours. we parked the car and i RAN into church i missed him so much! then i had to put him in his sunday school class which he really likes but he's always a little nervous at first. i love spying on him for couple minutes when i pick him up. seeing him sit at the table with the other kids... oh my gosh i can't explain the feeling. it's like my heart is melting and breaking at the same time. it breaks a little because he is doing something and just being someone all on his own and that's how it's gonna be- they will keep growing and become more independent...oh and of course pride. i get so proud seeing him interacting with others! oh my son.
two other notable things i did this weekend- i 'nursed' my friends 6 month old son to sleep. hilarious! ok i'm sure that grosses some people out [bear in mind i've known this girl my whole life we'd still shower together, pick our noses in front of each other... there's just absolutely no pretense about us, we know each other too well. it's nice to get to that place with a friend]
he was up late and i guess we were in a slaphappy mood or something but i decided to try to nurse him. [i can still get a wee bit of milk out, sorry if that's TMI]. we figured he'd get frustrated and not go for it, but he totally nursed for 10-15 minutes or so and fell asleep! it was very strange at first then it wasn't strange but thinking back on it, it was kinda weird. so naturally all this made me miss having a little baby....
the other fun thing we did was play mario kart on wii. i used to play mario kart on nintendo 64 all the time, loved it. my sister has wii and we had way too much fun playing. i'm pretty bad at it right now, it's a lot harder but way funner! on the rare times i play video games with my friends we seem to have the funniest things come out of our mouths, often times hilarious cussing. our friend yelled 'dammo whammo!' once and that stuck we say it all the time now. apparently on friday i was playing and i said 'what a bust!' and my friend julie said 'that's awesome i'm gonna start saying that'. i have no recollection of that. 15 minutes later she's playing and she goes 'aw, what a bust!' i look at her and go 'ha, that's cute i'm gonna start saying that'. she stared at me like i was crazy. she's like ' i got it from you!' i say 'really? when did i ever say that?' she's like '10 minutes ago!!!' it was pretty funny. i like that we both liked it and said we were gonna start saying it. wii brings laughter to the home... :) i may have to a- steal my sister's wii. b- move in with her to play more. c- buy wii.

random stories

2009-02-02T19:36:00.000-08:00

well ok i didn't want to be one of those mom's who always bought something for their child at starbucks. that's ridiculous. [like when i see people buying peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at panera for their children. are you kidding? i pack pb&j for him all the time. PACK it people!] BUT. seeing as that we are at starbucks all the time and often get our drinks free or discounted... saylor is getting quite use to his little horizon's chocolate milk. now when we drive past starbucks he goes 'milk!' or 'starbucks!' and as soon as we walk in he runs right up and grabs a milk. i'm not even drinking coffee right now so water and milk it is... alright. i'm building this up too much but ok. i was in the bath with saylor the other day and we've talked about how he used to nurse and the details of all that. so he looks at me-there- and says 'milk!' i say 'yep!' he says 'starbucks!' and i laugh. he's just putting two thoughts together and it's kinda sad that he associates milk mostly with starbucks but i love that because of our routine his mind looked at my chest and thought of starbucks.
and random story number two. we went to a superbowl/poker party last night, lovely time as always with our amigos...we pulled into our friend's court to park and colin decides to park on top of this huge snow pile.. i'm thinking ah this isn't going to work and ufmpprffuh he managed to get our car...stuck. we couldn't move forward or reverse even with colin pushing. so we left it to deal with when we left... so we are saying our goodbyes, tv still on and i casually say 'alright see you guys and if anyone wants to come out with us our car is totally stuck, that'd be sweet' i nonchalantly threw it out there to no one in particular and like 5 guys follow us outside. and after a few minutes of no success another 5 guys appear. salt appears and some wood boards and after alot of pushing and some shoveling we get it.--- i am a people pleaser, i apologize all the time, i don't like asking people to do anything for me so i instinctively wanted to apologize a bunch but i realized first of all that our friends are awesome and we'd do the same for them, no one thinks twice about it. also i quickly noticed that the guys were loving it. i think we even boosted their ego ya know, made them feel more masculine. it was sweet.

i should learn at the library

2009-01-23T12:20:00.000-08:00

a car seat should be designed to easily come apart so the mother can wash it. is that too much to ask?
it's hot outside! almost 40 degrees or something, i'm coatless, heat off and even windows down in the car.... ella's parents got to go to D.C. for the big obama celebration so i had a few days off. saylor and i visited starbucks a few times [he goes straight for the horizon chocolate milk] and on wednesday i decided to take him to storytime at the library. we take him to the library all the time to play so at least he was comfortable with that... this was a little more organized play and he wasn't too sure he liked it. i'm on the fence myself. i like that it's free and no registration required [for the younger classes] and there were several kids who did enjoy it. but they had it in a conference room, with an older woman who was sweet and did fun things...but she didn't have.. you know... charisma and excitement that i think is important to have if you're trying to entertain 15 toddlers for a half hour! she wasn't bubbly. i'm not bubbly either but i still feel like i could have put some jazz and enthusiasm into it a little more. also i think most of the mom's knew each other, aaand i was the youngest there by maybe 10 years or so. saylor right away tried to run away, then he sat on my lap unsure but mildy entertained. she handed out bells for them to shake-he wouldn't hold it but when i had to return it he burst into tears and we ended up ducking out a few minutes early. as soon as we get out of course he's all happy and chatty. so i don't know. i may venture to it again with sarah, we will see. i wonder if our church community center has any fun activities for kids? i know they have free yoga for adults! i liked that.
LOST was so incredible i'm still thinking about it. i forget so much! and these writers, they knew what they were doing from the start. fortunately i have some smart friends who remind me of things. [remember when locke originally found that plane and they didn't know he found it and he said he HAD A DREAM?!' flippin' a.] and the old woman! who had spoken to desmond! ok i'm done.
nothing else i feel like saying so i'll leave it at this- do you know all your planets? there are 8 now since pluto bit the dust. i could only remember 7 [which more proof of how little i paid attention in school]. but colin knew them and their ORDER. i asked him what the acronym was to remember and he didn't know what an acronym was. he just pictured the planets. is this fascinating to anyone else? i can't picture the planets. are you kidding me?!

not me!

2009-01-19T18:01:00.000-08:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

i most certainly did not see sticky sucker stains on my son's sweater from the previous day and then put it on him to wear again anyway. that doesn't sound like me at all.

i definitely did not let pots and pans sit in our sink for 4 days, nope.

i haven't ignored a hanger sitting in our car for quite some time, and i didn't attempt to use it to scrape snow off my car yesterday! that wouldn't work!

and i totally did not enjoy cable at my parents house last night and i definitely did not watch girls next door, nooo way.

i did not ask my mom to make cookies for me, and when she realized she had no sugar, i so did not drive to my house and back to retrieve sugar. that's too much effort just for some nobakes.

here's an embarrassing one- my sister and i did not discover that i smelled not so pleasant at church on sunday. i didn't try a thai crystal deodorant stone on top of not showering, that's just a bad idea. i didn't have to be careful not to lift my arms in the slightest, and she didn't make fun of me at all...not me!

and i'm so not in bed right now eating chocolate.
i get a kick of out this blog and am finally participating in her not me monday fun. feel free to join the party. seriously.... i have these moments way too often... i am refraining here... so much more i could put but i gotta maintain a certain amount of dignity here on my blog!

so cold!

2009-01-14T18:52:00.000-08:00

saylor has the greatest smile but he rarely will give me a smile on cue. in the first picture he is trying though and halfway gets it. it's ok, all my smiles until age...10 were simply me showing my teeth. it's hard to make a smile!
still in my funk but i think am slowly coming out of it. colin has been amazing these past few weeks. i don't know why this has attacked me but i am trying to lean more into the lord. i think this whole sickness, besides my sinus infection has been crazy anxiety. the beginning was an awful panic attack that has left me drained and anxious since. i've always dealt with anxiety but it has never been to this degree. the physical symptoms have been unnerving, to where i felt it couldn't be just anxiety. i am thankful to see the lord in this. went to church for the first time since feeling this way on sunday. i was feeling crazy nauseous and felt like i could barely make it through the service. i actually prayed someone would have a word that would call me up for prayer. our church has like what, 8,000 memebers so there aren't always specific words for people to come up. but lo and behold our pastor rich nathan called forward 'people who've been having panic attacks and i feel like there may be someone or people experiencing severe nausea...' haha! i was excited. i'm frustrated with how i've been feeling but i trust jesus will guide me through this and i'll use it to glorify him- even if it's just to be able to understand someone else that goes through this. it's worth saying again that colin has been wonderful. i'm thankful for a patient loving husband. aw sheesh i love him. anyway would love prayer that i would continue to be healed from this!
we are watching LOST!

sick sucks

2009-01-05T08:09:00.000-08:00

managed to celebrate new year's fairly low key by ducking out early from a party and bringing in the new year with just a few loved ones. i also thoroughly enjoyed a ladies night with dear friends (and bingo!) on saturday but am still currently sick. came down with fever, painful cough, the nose, the body ache, the earache, the headache.... and as a rule i only get fever's when colin is out of town. poor saylor, stayed in his jammies all day, ate meals of crackers and yogurt, and watched bug's life over and over while i was curled up on the couch surrounded by tissues. now the doctor says maybe my nausea and dizziness were from the beginning of all this sinus stuff. i don't know. i am just ready, lord please to feel better. zpak, zofran, cough syrup, ibuprofen, flonase, tylenol, ativan...blaaaaah.
this morning saylor was sitting across the room and he looks at me and goes 'nack.' now of course he being my own child i understand what he is saying most of the time. i love when he says 'owgawor' i know he's saying alligator. and that he says turtle and guitar pretty much the exact same way. oooh it's a fun age he's constantly learning. he knows his alphabet so well, we are now working on recognizing the lower case letters and learning to sign them! he loves it. ok so 'nack. nack nack' he says. and i say 'neck? mommy's neck?' i always feel so bad when i can't understand him, but children are so cute in that they usually don't have a problem repeating themselves 50 times until hopefully someone figures them out. finally he walks over to me and points to some dry cereal i had in a bowl set out for him. 'naaaaack' he says patiently. ' oh snaaaack!' i say. he starts eating and says 'naaack.' it was so cute. then when i was reading books to him before nap time he said 'erwleelie' i kept repeating him, he said it 5 times or so and then i got it. 'ernie's little lie!' which is a book we read all the time. oh my goodness. i was impressed with my decoding-ness. i used to babysit our friend's daughter ryleigh. she was talking all the time but it was still hard to interpret. i was very proud of myself for figuring out she wanted 'mommy's pillowcase' before bed. she probably had to repeat it to me 20 times but for pulling the phrase out of thin air i was so excited, and she was so relieved that i figured it out.
there is a woman at colin's starbucks who is somewhat...prophetic or physic or what have you. i thought she was a christian but colin says he's not sure she is. regardless she reads people in a way, can get senses about people, has words for them or whatever. she does it very sporadically, will just come out and say something. when house of heroes was adding another member she said to colin ' your band's going through some big changes huh? bringing someone else in?' then another time when hoh was writing their new album she just said 'so you guys are writing some new music? it's pretty different from your other stuff isn't it.' she says it like she already knows, very confident. it's hilarious because it's so spot-on! SOOO today she orders her drink, starts to walk away and then comes back and says to colin 'i'm sensing maybe you guys are pregnant again or thinking about getting pregnant?' and colin just laughs and says we've totally been talking about trying soon and she goes 'yah i think it will be soon. i'm seeing may or june.' OH my lord! so crazy. i remember the first time she did this to colin he flipped out in the holy crap kinda way, but he says it's not as crazy to him anymore, but he definitely think she has some sort of gift, and he doesn't feel like an evil presence or anything so that's good. it's funny because if i don't factor in income/where we are going to live- may/june would be exactly when i'd want to get pregnant again.
we will see. but the yet to exist baby number 2 is being spoken of almost daily now... so. we will see. it's been interesting having the 'i'm a young woman, i want my freedom, etc' voice slowly and steadily being drowned out by my maternal desire to have another child, to grow our family and have a sibling for saylor.....

did christmas just happen?

2008-12-29T11:15:00.000-08:00

what a blur. christmas has come and gone and it was lovely but it feels hazy to me. the tuesday before christmas i got sick- i became extremely nauseous and dizzy out of the blue. no fun for hypochondriac, anxious little me. so it set off a panic attack or two. i wanted to chalk up all the symptoms to anxiety but something else was going on, we just aren't sure what. the nausea is unbelievable, it feels like im pregnant times 10 or so. [i'm not pregnant]. the best doctors can come up with is some sort of vertigo thing going on and i guess that's what it is. the first few days i had this awful brain fog- couldn't think clearly, felt completely out of it, lightheaded etc. each day the symptoms have lessened slightly although last night i woke up with an intense episode of it. i'm taking zofran for nausea which i think is helping. and i got some good ol' ativan to help with my anxiety. it's been frustrating, i'm annoyed at myself i feel like there's always something going on with me and it's always random. [like when i got chiggers, or that i have TB, and i had 5 wisdom teeth, and i'm allergic to lemons?! ...] so it's been debilitating and of course being anxious only made it worse, but i think it's getting better. on the upside? if there is one, i quit coffee in the midst of this, having no desire for it plus not wanting to make symptoms worse. though now spacey headaches can be contributed to caffeine withdrawal as well, who knows.
i am thankful for a husband who is patient, who prays for me, who is consistent, who loves me and takes care of me, and takes care of our son when i can't.
now i'm suddenly realizing it'll be the new year in 3 days. and i'm sentimental and overwhelmed. we lost two loved ones unexpectedly this year, and had two people dear to our hearts diagnosed with cancer. but we also had new babes born into our lives and have deepened friendships. i enjoy making new years resolutions, i always make a bunch and usually keep a few- one year i said get married and i sure did, one year i said get pregnant and i sure did..haha... i will have to make a list. it may include get pregnant, we will see...
saylor enjoyed christmas, he actually figured out how to open a present. he also loved passing out everyone's presents-which i thought was so cute. he is currently watching 'a bug's life' which is definitely hands-down his favorite movie. well it's the first movie he's ever watched the whole way through and he can't get enough. 'bug! bug?' everyday.... everyday. funny how i can totally tune it out but colin picks up on it, he knows all the character's names and the storyline. we had borrowed it from ella before we got it for christmas, i think it's played like 100 times at our house. i don't know any characters names, have no idea what the story is about. i think there is a bird? and there's a circus or something.... anyway i'm just laying low enjoying my family and resting, trying to get well.

twilight gone bad

2008-12-18T05:57:00.000-08:00

a few months ago i ran into my lovely friend maggie at church and she started gushing semi-sheepishly about this book called twilight. now, maggie is a [sexy] librarian and of course i'm always interested in what she's reading. so i got twilight from the library and thus joined the millions of girls who are obsessed with the series. there are four books and after i finished each one i passed them on to my friend carri. our constant gushing to each other got another 5 of my girlfriends to read it. two of my friends read the first book in one day. it's like 600 pages. the books are teen fiction. it's romance, and it's about vampires. for me personally, i enjoyed twilight, it was an easy read and i was interested to see where she was going with it. it was not my favorite book/series. i think it could have been written better and sometimes i'd be annoyed for like 40 pages. then there'd be a good chunk/scene and i would feel satisfied. overall, i think the whole story itself is pretty cool. but all along i kept saying 'i can't wait to see the movie. i feel like the movie could be even better than the book'. she had a really intense love story with some really intense action scenes... ARRGH so frustrating. a few of us excitedly, finally went and saw the movie last night. WORST movie i've ever seen.i think the worst movie i've ever seen in a theater is A.I. [with solaris a close 2nd].... twilight may have been worse than those. i cannot even believe how terrible it was. toward the end we were just laughing at out loud at how ridiculous it was. the acting was terrible, the music! the music was awful. the scenes were so choppy, didn't go together i swear if you haven't read the book you'd have no f-ing clue what was going on. like i literally think they said 'alright let's do page 57. alright now a couple lines from page 244. and, scene'. stupid scene. not only do you not believe what is happening, you don't even flippin' know what's going on. at least we were all going 'what the hell?!?!' together so it was pretty laughable. of course there are plans to film the second book and of course they have gotten a new director for it so we will see what happens. there is little hope.
the battery on my mac needs replaced and now my charger seems to be broken as i have to finagle it at a certain angle to get it to charge. no fun! also saylor seems to be getting sick, this morning he woke up and his whole face was covered in dried green snot. that is absolutely disgusting but i still wish i had taken a picture. covered. oh the joys of parenting.

chopsticks

2008-12-16T10:25:00.000-08:00

christmas is sneaking up on me but i'm enjoying it. i had a dream the other night that our friend tim was santa claus. and i was selected to be mrs. claus and i got to go with him to deliver presents on christmas eve. i was so excited to ride the sleigh and i couldn't wait to see how it was done-delivering presents to the world in one night! and i was so proud of tim for being santa claus, what a huge responsibility. oh my gosh it had to be one of my all time favorite dreams. i am still laughing out loud about it.
last night i went out with some people to celebrate our friend nick's bday. we had dinner at the golden phoenix. my first time there but an apparent favorite among many. it was pretty good. i even took a picture of my veg.fried rice because i liked the silver platter it came in...and i tend to take more random pictures when colin isn't home so i can show him what he's missing. because he totally cares about the platter my food comes on, right?

so the waiter was walking around handing out the little take home cartons and he walked past me and abruptly pulled my chopsticks out of my dish, as they were sticking straight up in the dish [even more so than in the picture]. he said in his broken english 'no, you can't do that!!' and muttered a couple sentences as he walked by that i didn't hear or understand at all. i was so amused/confused at the same time. one of nick's friends then explained to me that you should never do that, it is is a sign of death and to just stick them like that is very disrespectful! WHO KNEW? i sure didn't! wikipedia has the down low under
universal and chinese etiquette. i felt bad i certainly didn't mean to be disrespectful. it was pretty funny though. i'm glad i know now. watch your chopsticks people!

more words regarding vaccines

2008-12-10T14:58:00.001-08:00

this is part of the forward of the book i am currently reading, 'mother warriors', by yes, jenny mccarthy. her path in life has drastically changed- i commend her for using her voice and doing everything she possibly can to speak loudly-for herself and thousands of parents. i've only just started the book but i would definitely recommend it.
doctor's are finally coming forward-he is one of many. this forward is brief, just the tip of the iceberg, i say...
"...Vaccines can cause autism. Diet and supplements and other alternatives to doing nothing can lead to recovery from autism. period. We doctors need to stop deceiving our patients into thinking that immunizations are 'free'. Every medical intervention costs the body something, and we have legal and moral obligation to tell parents.
When I give, for example, amoxicillin for a urinary tract infection, I'm almost apologetic as I describe the rash the kids can get, the possible yeast infections, and the diarrhea that can be caused by this and most other antibiotics. One in ten thousand children could have a dangerous allergic reaction.
When I discuss vaccines with parents, I talk to them about the benefits and the risks. The official position of the American Academy of Pediatrics may be the same as my personal position, but they are far too involved with the pharmaceutical industry to actually do anything but pay lip service to an open discussion. The CDC and the AAP are filled with doctors whose research, speaking engagements, and travel are often funded by the manufacturers of vaccines. Many of these same doctors are paid consultants, and some later go to work full-time for the pharmaceutical industry.
...Yes, most vaccines have much less mercury, but wait until the evidence against aluminum in vaccines becomes common knowledge. The body of research regarding aluminum's harm to human cells already contains hundreds of articles. The most damning conclusions were recently published by Dr. Robert Sears, a very well-known and well-respected pediatrician and the son and partner of Dr.William Sears, long regarded as 'America's Pediatrician'. Using the numbers he gathered from the FDA's own data and web site, Dr.Sears points out the unbelievable difference between the acknowledged toxic dose for a baby, 20 micograms, and the amount found in hepatitis B vaccine given on the day of birth, 250 micrograms. At two months of age, this same infant could receive immunizations containing as much as 1,875 micrograms of aluminum. This is disgraceful and dangerous, and Dr.Sears goes on to say that his "instinct was to assume that the issue had been properly researched, and that studies had been done on healthy infants to determine their abilitiy to rapidly excrete aluminum."
No studies have been done. None. He, and we, can conclude what scientists have known for a long time: Evidence has existed for years that aluminum in amounts this large is harmful for humans. We can only guess what harm we might be causing to babies with these huge overdoses of aluminum.
In mid-2008, Dr.Bernadine Healy finally spoke up. Dr. Healy is the former head of the United States National Institutes of Health [NIH] and a key member of the Institute of Medicine. Referring to the association between thimerosal, vaccines, and autism, Dr. Healy said "I think public health officials have been too quick to dismiss the hypothesis as 'irrational', without sufficient studies of causation...without studying the population that got sick". I believe she's just one of many intelligent doctors and scientists who know that we need to study the link between vaccines and autism and other neuroimmune disorders.
Like many of you and some of my colleagues, I'm extremely concerned about what has caused the tremendous increase in autism and related disorders over the past decade. The presumption that doctors are much better at diagnosis is absurd and unscientific....The truth is that we have to look much harder at what happens when we directly and repeatedly inject toxic material into babies, toddlers, and children. The benefits for most healthy children are easily matched or outweighed by the risks of the immunization schedule used by almost all pediatricians. Some of our vaccines have outlived their usefulness in the united states and elsewhere, and others need reformulation to make them safer for those families who want their children to receive them. additionally, pediatricians and the medical community at large have to begin listening very closely to parents who know their children better than we do....."
Jay N. Gordon, M.D., F.A.A.P., I.B.C.L.C., F.A.B.M.
Assitant Clinical Professor of Pediatrics
UCLA Medical Center
Former Senior Fellow in Pediatric Nutrition, Memorial Sloan-Kettering Institute

christmas Q's

2008-12-08T23:00:00.000-08:00

my blog layout isn't very pretty right now, i still need get a new, pretty template. i may have to have colin help me out a bit with it... i definitely am ready for something new.. soon, soon!
**update:soon has arrived,obviously. i've finally learned how update my template. :)***

tagged by lindsay, christmas traditions!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? i definitely prefer wrapping paper but darnit if the gift bag happens to be easier some of the time. i'll roll with it.

2. Real tree or Artificial? i grew up with the real tree deal, us all going to chop it down, the whole kit-n-caboodle. i was perplexed and weirded out by artificial trees. then one year that was hectic in many ways, we bought a fake tree. and then i realized fake trees are pretty awesome. i think ideally i prefer real... but artificial ones are more convenient. i dunno, good debate.

3. When do you put up the tree? well. so colin and i have had little mini-real trees and then inherited a nice huge artificial one. but we got annoyed with it and last year colin threw away the bottom 2/3's of the tree.so we have a base. and we have a top. also it is locked in our storage and we can't find our key, or get ahold of our landlord. i should just go grab a huge branch from outside, it could well be prettier than our 1/3 top that's locked up. [what a sad, pitiful tale :(]

4. When do you take the tree down? by the new year. after that it's just weird and depressing.

5. Do you like eggnog? i do. though just a small glass of it is all i can handle.

6. Favorite gift received as a child? hhmm for christmas. we were all stoked about getting the original Nintendo... OH my cat. that was a great gift.

7. Hardest person to buy for? all the parents we are around usually stump us for awhile.

8. Easiest person to buy for? right now my son because i know exactly what things he loves and what i want him to have!

9. Do you have a nativity scene? for the past few years my stepmom has been giving us kids chunks of our nativity scene-she picked out different ones for each of us, with our personalities in mind. mine are [get this lindsay!] the Willow Tree. me gusta mucho.

10. Mail or email Christmas cards? in general i prefer mail over email, OF COURSE. nothin' like letters in the mail. but i mail but a handful of christmas cards every year, if that. we've been wanting to do a quick family picture and mail that baby out but we will see if we follow through... i do want to be the cheesy family that writes a christmas family letter every year with their card. many people hate these...but i love them.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? i can't think of a good one. but i can remember the feeling of pretending i liked something when i didn't.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? when harry met a sally is that christmas? no? love actually.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? re-gifted or sold to second hand stores surely. or returned i've done that too.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? i love food. my mom makes cinnamon rolls every christmas morning. and egg/sausage casserole.

16. Lights on the tree? um yes. of course.

17. Favorite Christmas song? hmm. so many. o holy night [though it's gotta be done right], do you hear what i hear, sleigh ride-ok any amy grant christmas song for nostalgia and any song singing 'bout our savior can make me weep.

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? we have some family in michigan now so we may become travelers. we've usually stayed in columbus.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? dasher and dancer and donner and blitzen...? comet and cupid and donner and blitzen. wait. PRANCER. and vixen!? vixen is a reindeer. spitzen? vincent. and rudolph. seriously why do i not know. vixen? that is a 'malicious woman with a fierce temper'. i'd stay away from this vixen R-deer.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? i will take either if they fit my style. how sad that i can't currently recall what we have. i am NOT visual. colin decorates. end of story.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? aaagh don't open presents on christmas eve! you can open ONE gift the night before. but only if that's a current tradition.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? i really hate all the.. is the word consumerism? i don't want my kids to think it's all about getting gifts and that's it.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color? i don't care what color it is. i love that all our ornaments are memories. from childhood to recent.

24. Favorite for Christmas dinner? already said i love to eat. no traditional dinner. but there's dinner and i enjoy it.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year? kleen kanteen water bottles are on my list as well as 30 rock seasons.

26. Who is most likely to respond to this? probably katie couric.

27. Does Santa wrap your gift or leave them unwrapped? oh wrapped all the way up! we have our stockings stuffed and then we each have a stuffed animal unwrapped or something. the rest we gotta tear into and make a big mess.

tag kristin, SARAH,beth, kelly...and anyone who feels like doing this!

happy birthday saylor!

2008-12-07T17:03:00.000-08:00

my son is 2 today! i can't believe it. of course i was sentimental when he turned one, it was crazy how fast it went,today i feel a little wistful. he's not zero or one anymore... he's not a 'baby',he's a toddler! i'm feeling farther and farther removed from the infant days of swaddling and being up all night nursing...and of course i'm idealizing it in my head. the best remedy for this is, of course, to have another baby.. but saylor himself will never be a baby again. he's huge! yesterday colin wrote every letter of the alphabet and saylor named EVERY single one correctly! every day he learns more and it's amazing. and i suppose most mothers think of their child as a newborn on their birthday. i suppose it is bittersweet every year. i am missing the baby months big time though, i love, love, love the infant stage. i probably should have another baby soon. i think that is making me emotional too. saylor is two. if i got pregnant now he would almost be 3 when the second one was born. the longer we delay this, the older saylor will be. baby #2 is getting more thoughts of 'WHEN DO I DO THIS!?!' then baby #1 did for me, believe it or not. i'm not sure if it's that way for many people...
we had a little party with just family.he did great, got a little overwhelmed when it was time to open presents, a little overstimulated, naturally. he doesn't seem to like being the center of attention [i feel ya say, i'm the same way] but he had a lot of fun and said many a 'thaaankyou!' and 'wooow' and 'i love you's. a couple pictures colin and i took- me with my phone, he with his mac.
elmo cupcake from colin's mom. pretty intense. [he loves sesame street right now]

saylor received some really fantastic toys, we are very thankful to our family!

i love sweatpants

2008-12-05T05:46:00.000-08:00

sweatpants are in my top ten favorite things of the world, perhaps the top 5. if i see someone in sweatpants i do not think 'weird, they are wearing sweatpants in a mall' i am more apt to think 'i'm jealous. i want to be wearing sweatpants right now'. working from home, i can't seem to get myself to put on jeans in the morning. why, why would i do that? [altho i'm still searching for that perfect pair of jeans that are crazy comfy/versatile/quality/look great on me]. anyway colin bought some sweatpants
from old navy last friday and i think he's worn them once. i've worn them every single day. i am in love with them. that has been my week, in a nutshell. me and the s-pants. and my son rapidly learning the letters of the alphabet.
we also love watching christmasy movies during the holidays. so we watched the holiday, and then i watched sleepless in seattle. i don't know what makes a movie 'christmasy'. because colin and i watch our favorite movie when harry met sally every year but i don't know if people would consider that christmasy? but i love movies and am open to suggestions for what we should watch!... right when i wrote 'watch' [which is already sounding weird to me. isn't there a better way to say i 'watched' a movie. i viewed a movie?] saylor held up a watch to me. like a wrist watch. WATCH ok it's sounding really weird right now.
i'm also loving swaptree.com! it's amazing. you trade books, cds and dvds with people. you only pay shipping and you can even print out the postage. we don't have a printer yet but we can walk to our post office so that's fortunate for us. i love it! it's so great to put in a movie i'm willing to get rid of and see 3000 options show up for what i can trade it with. you can just put in things that you have, and things that you want. and they will also do the work for you, i get an e-mail saying 'can you do this trade? yes, yes i can mr.swaptree. i sure can.

saylor at the helm. aka at trader joe's.

i gots lotsa leftovers

2008-11-29T06:11:00.000-08:00

currently i have 26 items checked out at the library, 20 on reserve and 1 ready for pickup. it is good stuff.
thanksgiving was good but of course i didn't take any pictures. really gotta start just throwing my camera in my purse.
we went to colin's parents house first. jared's girlfriend was with us and she's pretty amazing. and the priors were there, friends of the family [whom i love partly because they have sweet new zealand accents, but mostly because they are just pretty awesome people]...
we played a cool 'game' that beth had just explained to me on the phone- everyone takes a piece of paper and writes a random phrase [i.e. the easter bunny scared the children.] then you pass your paper to the person next to you and they draw a picture of what the phrase is saying. then you pass it on and the next person writes a phrase describing what the picture is- but you keep folding the paper so the person can only see a phrase or a picture. you keep it going pretty quickly and we just stopped when we got to the end of a piece of paper. this all sounds random but it's pretty hilarious. it's funny to see how a phrase evolves and becomes something so different. it was fun with colin's family because they are seriously so artistic they can actually draw something completely random and have their picture be understood. i loved coming up with random lines. colin was next to me and he would pass these crazy pictures- i remember writing-'the bandana-crotch man protested his shackles' and 'the sexy pig came onto the indifferent chicken' i also got the phrase from colin's dad 'a viagra nightmare' what the heck was i supposed to draw?! i can't draw at all, in the least. anyway. fun, easy game. will play again.
we then went to my sister's house for thanksgiving #2. it was nice to have it at her house. i thought surely i'd be too full to eat anything but i before i knew what was happening i ate two plates at her house.. good stuff! we had a 'kid's table' set up for emily and saylor and emily's cousin jack. saylor was only one who wasn't too sure of it, but i was loving it. i can't believe i have a boy who is sitting at a kid's table. i still feel like i should be sitting at the kid's table.
yesterday we had thanksgiving #3 with my dad's side of the family. saylor randomly did not really get a nap in [he just talked and played in his crib for an hour and a half and we couldn't wait any longer] so he was kind of out of sorts. but he loved luke and sam- the two big doggies. and he loved playing with his cousin leilani [she is four and she just pulls him around and he happily follows]. my step-brothers worked very hard at winning him over and i think brian had the most success pretending to be the count from sesame street. we finally had to leave when saylor couldn't keep it together any longer, he fell asleep 5 minutes into our ride home and i put him to bed as soon as we got home-at 6:20! haha.
i was thankful to have colin here this year because he wasn't home for thanksgiving last year. but i actually totally forgot that until colin said something about it. it's funny how the years blur together.
i think the best part of the week was my friends heather and christina getting engaged! [i mean, not to each other]. heather and christina live together and both knew at some point they would be getting engaged. the funny thing was their men going to buy the ring and arriving at the same jewelry store, at the same time! we all found that pretty funny. so nick proposed tuesday night and seth proposed wednesday morning. SO happy for all of them, can't even explain my heart feelings. they are all four amazing people and we are so beyond excited for them. thank you lord!
alright i have a couple random phone pictures of saylor and leilani...

broken

2008-11-21T06:16:00.000-08:00

on tuesday we lost a loved one. i grew up surrounded by people i've known since birth. our mom's were pregnant together and we all grew up in church together. on tuesday teena, mother of cabot, jessie and nicole passed away suddenly from a blood clot in her lung. i don't get it. the pain and the shock is doubled because their amazing father died in a motorcycle accident just two years ago. the pain of losing him was so intense. and now..this week..these were wonderful people who loved Jesus and fiercely loved their friends and family. i don't want to write every detail,i don't want to exploit their situation. but it's just one of those times where you just want to be mad at God. WHY why would you allow this Lord. they need their mother.it just doesn't make sense. and i know not much makes sense in this life... and i know tragedy hits us all.... i'm just tired of seeing things like this happen. it hurts. and it make me anxious and it really makes it hard for me to trust that the Lord wants good for us. that's always been hard for me to believe or to pray about. (reading 'the shack' really hit me in a personal way regarding those feelings).
services this weekend, prayers are appreciated. especially for the kids, their family. the holidays are going to be hard.i know the ache i feel is 1000 times more severe for them. please pray that they would somehow feel Jesus in this. and that they will lean on him. i don't think they could process this otherwise...

rockin' the thriftin'

2008-11-15T13:59:00.000-08:00

a few of us ladies hit up ohio thrift this morning. i haven't gone thrifting in awhile and was doubting my ability to find anything. i was fortunately with some people that seriously knew what they were doing, and i scored a jacket, tee, and a fantastic purse just because they held it up to me. and i grabbed. i don't always trust myself to find those sweet finds that people manage to find... but this store was great, chock full of amazing things. i am quite excited about my suitcase

three dollars! it's in perfect condition too. and i love these sailboat earrings too

we just got home from a friend's house and put saylor down for bed at a record late time of 10 pm. when he was a baby he slept everywhere. on people's floors, beds and then packnplays and cribs. when he started refusing to do that we often just put him to bed at one of our parent's house and then went out. now we are excited that occasionally we can just keep him up late. there was a couple other toddlers there to keep him company and he was perfect! i am so proud of him. part of me is like crap he needs to be in bed! and the other part was in awe of how well he played and behaved. and fortunately for us he still loves bedtime. so we put his jammies on before we left then when we got home we kissed him and rocked him for about 15 seconds then lay him down! aaaah i love him. we will see when he wakes up.... the past few days he has been back to his waking up happy around 8ish playing and i've been able to keep him in there until close to 9. yay... i am not even going to think about how things will change when we move him into a bed....gonna use that crib as long as he'll stand it.
i am SO in love with christmas music. it brings me a ridiculous amount of peace and comfort. i also feel a stupid amount of comfort from the red starbucks cups.
other things i'm loving this week- saylor happily going to the nursery tonight!!!, $1.69 gas, 30 rock, my husband's art he's been working on, gilmore girls, sweatpants...AND this website i found [through relevant mag]- swaptree.com. it's great! any books, movies, cd's or games you own and are willing to trade? this is a trading website. you pay shipping and that's it. you tell them what you have and thousands of options pop up that you can trade for! i am all about it.

am i an overreacter?

2008-11-12T17:28:00.000-08:00

i really try to be calm and not spaz- like if i bang my foot and it's searing pain i try to remain silent or if i break a glass i laugh instead of curse...in general i try to be this way... i think? and in general i think i am pretty chill with my son. se la vie, so be it, ah he's gonna get dirty anyway, so what if the popsicle drips all over him.
on the other hand. i think i have overreacted when he is sick. when he was a brand new baby we trekked him to the doctor one time because his nose was stuffy...and another time because of a rash. that all babies get but i swear his was 'really bad'. i totally don't feel like i'm one of those moms, but maybe i am!? i don't freak out or get all nervous, but i do feel like i may as well have someone else look at it and tell me what they think.
when he was six months old he started this weird head shaking tic thing. it was very scary-sortof looked like a seizure. and we took him to the emergency room and all the doctors saw it and were intrigued but not too concerned-but were trying to watch their backs as they weren't entirely sure. so he had a cat-scan AND an overnight stay at children's that included a late night EKG. AND an MRI. we were nervous parents and crazy thankful that we could say it was 'nothing'. yet embarrassed at the same time in a weird way. now if a doctor sees it on his charts i have to explain, no it was just a weird tic thing,mumble mumble.
this past summer colin's mom was going down the slide with him and his foot twisted back. he cried and cried and his foot swelled and was bruised. he was ok but he wouldn't walk. so of course we go to the doctor for x-rays. they don't find anything so we keep waiting and he still isn't walking. the doctor wants to see him again and realizes the x-rays weren't thorough enough. more x-rays! he is ok. the boy didn't walk for TWO weeks. i can't explain how weird that is. in a way it was easier to watch him. he was totally at the run-every-which-way-and-must-touch-everything-age so it was weird/funny to go to a friends house or starbucks and just have him sit patiently and play. but it was sad too and when he started walking again he was wobbly and limping for awhile!
back to what i'm saying. do i overdo the doctor thing? there have been other appts. for an ear infection and fevers as well... this morning saylor woke up at 5:45am crying and screaming. he had a little fever last week and still has a runny nose and cough. colin wasn't home and i could not console saylor. he wasn't out of it-rock me to sleep mama-he was in pain. he was crying nonstop for over an hour.and as i had planned to have ella today i didn't want to wait and make a doctor appointment, plus his doctor is a good half hour away. so i headed to ER again [about 5 minutes away]. fortunately i got in immediately. fortunately the doctors loved him [and were loving his name, a-thankyou]. fortunately they couldn't find anything significant, he is fine. again i feel a little silly. but i guess i err on the safe side. but i'm sure with subsequent children i will do this less.
poor saylor's throat is sore we think that's why he was crying so much. it's hard because he tries to tell me but much of his 'talking' isn't coherent yet. pointing at the throat a lot got the point across.
YAY for-
christmas music! hot apple cider! scarves! blankets! soup! christmas music!!!
this is one of my favorite 'songs'. it is my ringtone on one of my friend's phones.

also i love puppets. a lot.

sleep less, stack more,buy an ornament

2008-11-08T05:11:00.000-08:00

ever since our pennsylvania trip, saylor has been sleeping less. i can't complain as before he was sleeping more than the average toddler his age [13-14 during the night, plus a 2-4 hour nap!] the other huge difference is he used to wake up and play for awhile in his crib. so we'd hear him around 8:30 or so but could easily leave him in there till 9 as he was just laughing and talking to his stuffed animals. now he wakes up whining. althooo a couple weeks ago he was waking up screaming and now it's just quiet whining. i think that's progress. and the wakeup times are around 7:15. [keeping in mind we put him down at about 7. sometimes even 6:50 or so! so he's still sleeping 12+ hours] and his naps around about hour and 45 minutes [although the one time he was sleeping longer than two hours i had to wake him up to go somewhere! are you kidding.] but again i think he is starting to nap longer as when we first got home his naps were only an hour or so. i know this isn't interesting but i like to have it noted and i know with the next kid i'm going to wonder 'how did saylor sleep at this age?' not that i'm pregnant now! i do keep talking about the 2nd child, but the little hamster does not exist yet. colin keeps saying he wants a second one now and he's just waiting for my ok.... so ya i'm thinking about it more! but not ready just yet.
anyhow i kept hoping saylor would fall back into his old fantastic sleep schedule when colin came home. but then we had the time change, and then he got sick, so there are all sorts of things against us. so we will see...
i am doing something called the great ornament exchange. you know you wanna get in on this! click the box and join the party!

saylor loves to stack! here's a couple pictures but it doesn't do it justice because he can stack twice as high. i love finding little towers, he stacked candles the other day, with a car on top of course.

amusing..to me

2008-11-06T05:58:00.000-08:00

nice as my phone is, it can't hold a lot of texts and my inbox is constantly '100% full'.... threatening me, forcing me to erase, erase...so here are a couple ones that i always laugh at and couldn't bear to erase... maybe if i've got it written down somewhere i'll get the nerve.

from colin in june,while hoh was at a show- he is quoting stephen baldwin
best quote so far...'are you guys stoked about this ministry or what? cuz if not, i may have to slay your ass in the spirit'

from beth in august
my husband just bought BRIGHT RED LOAFERS. they look like they are womans shoes from talbots for crying out loud. he got them so he could wear them WITH SHORTS...WITHOUT SOCKS. and he is NOT JOKING. we are currently not speaking

from colin in august,while hoh was at a show in chicago
so we pull up to the venue and aj says 'this area looks sweet, i bet there's some cool stuff on this street'. 2 seconds later we look down the road and there's a store called 'Cool Stuff'

and this one from jayme talking about how she waited in line for 7 hours! to vote
yah,to top if off, me n john got stuck in line with a crazy cat lady showing us pics of her 3 legged cat and tried to get us into a pyramid scheme selling bracelets that heal the body thru holograms. and she also asked me to come to our wedding and she'll do my makeup cuz shes also a mary kay rep. was a long day!

only she would end up in a line next to a crazy bracelet hologram mary kay 3 legged cat lady. haha! these all may very well only be amusing to me, but that's ok. i feel free to delete them from my phone now.

last night colin and i went to dinner at Alana's, a recommendation from friends of ours. fantastic! i can't even adequately explain the vibe and the food but i think all my columbus friends should check it out. [its at 2333 north high st right next door to the taj mahal restaurant]. it's intimate yet casual in a way, alana herself walks around handing out samples..the menu changes weekly,often daily. [i just went to their website and she has a new menu up from last night] which makes it hard because you want to try everything on the menu! we spent over two hours there and a lot of money on some crazy deliciousness.colin and i have been wading the waters of vegetarian...ism. we haven't had meat for awhile, but we did have some last night! [we are mostly staying away from meat that isn't organic and that is processed and full of...crap. we knew alana's meat would be quality] one of my favorite things we tried was this chicken basteeya- dark meat chicken in phyllo sprinkled with powdered sugar with like...cumin and cinnamon, i don't even know but it was like a chicken dessert. i don't even like dark meat and i have never tasted something so luscious...and an extensive wine list to boot. yum!!
i am glad the election drama is over! i am nervous about how these next years will play out as i did not vote for obama, but i do celebrate that we have a half african american president. half, 1/8, black, mixed, whatever- he is handsome there's no denying that! much more that is thought about but at the end of the day [and the beginning and in between] i serve christ alone so there's peace in that.

happy november

2008-11-03T16:19:00.000-08:00

i'm really not a big music person.well i love music but i don't exactly seek it out. i don't own cds or an ipod, i'm never on itunes.colin is always playing amazing music in our house and i listen to it and there are some musicians/bands that i absolutely love. but i am particular....so it is a huge compliment [from me] if a band house of heroes is touring with captures my attention. i usually don't even stay in the room to listen to them play, unless they are friends of ours...but i have really enjoyed watching LUDO perform this month.it is i think the 3rd band that has really made me stop and go waaaait. this is fun! [other two being family force 5 and love arcade- of course.these bands are all gimmicky in a way.they dance, they dress up.. i like]. i think it says alot if you keep wanting to watch even though you've never heard the songs before.and even if you saw the same set the night before..
here is the ludo music video of the one song in particular that i like-

i LOVE it! the lyrics are seriously brilliant. this song could be in a musical.watch this video and try to not get it in your head.
looking forward to voting, then colin coming home, then on wednesday is our 4 year anniversary! [go us!]
there are a couple little side streets i pass on the way to my mom's house that amuse me every time i notice them... first being stoner alley. stoner alley! and the second houghoon alley. now how does one pronounce that?!

my son as a mouse

2008-10-26T18:39:00.000-07:00

i mean seriously.saylor as a mouse, it's so fantastic.

look at how it sticks out all chubbs around his hips i love it!
i've been so fortunate to have borrowed many-a-clothes from my friend jenny, who has a son a couple years older than saylor. last year saylor's sweet octopus costume was from them but this year auggie's fireman costume was already loaned out. today we went to a church party thing called 'trunk or treat' and kids got candy from the trunks of people's cars. there was also a bunch of food, games, slides,etc.oh and the firetruck that saylor is on there. and of course this friday is halloween/trick-or-treat. i'm actually going to cleveland to see my husband but my mom wants to take saylor around her block. SO crunch time i needed a costume.i popped into target yesterday and decided to check out their costumes. mostly $30-40. but on one end they had a tiny little sale section. mostly infant costumes.and this big ol' toddler mouse costume! $14 and i swear it was the best costume there tonight. and many agreed- children and adults kept cooing over him and a few said it was their favorite costume.a-thank-you target.plus it kept him warm! now i say it is a unisex costume but i will admit about 8-10 people said 'she's so cute'. there was one other child there that was actually wearing the same mouse and i'm not sure if it was a boy or girl! but i'm thinking girl.i think it's a boy type costume but whatever.i'm still in love with it and i could not get ENOUGH of his little fluffy tush with the tail.here's his backside- him and emily.she was cinderella but did not last too long in her outfit.sarah took this picture only of the front of them, which is likely cuter but oh well.

i want him to wear this costume all the time until he grows out of it. so if you see me at trader joe's or church or somin' and i'm carrying a big mouse.. it probably won't be because saylor begged to wear it, it'll be because i made him wear it.